When dating, we have two choices. We can either lose ourselves by compromising who we are and what God has made us be or lose ourselves by allowing God to shape us in his image.
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For years, I was happy being single. Naturally, during my years as a single Christian woman, I had crushes and possibilities, but inwardly, I thought that I was probably one of those Christians meant to be single my whole life. Instead of viewing this as a loss, I would instead get excited to think about all the people I could meet and help and all the trips I could take!
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A new topic has taken over my heart this month, and that is home. Home: A place where you feel loved and cared for, a place where you can be you. Whether or not this is your actual experience - to some it is a place of danger, or even abuse - we all carry a dream of home in our hearts.
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I remember exactly where I was the day my season of wait began. It was the summer of 2014, right in the middle of hot sticky July. My mother, sister, brother and I were standing in a department store waiting to check out just as the tornado sirens buzzed.
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¨What are you hoping for this year?¨ My friend asked me, and without skipping a beat I said, ¨a good man.¨ “Neither was man created for woman, but woman created for man.” –1 Corinthians 11:9 (ESV). For the better part of my life, I have been consumed with the hunt to find my future husband.
War movies take me back to childhood. Growing up with two brothers I have seen my fair share. I always loved it when one combatant flew a white flag. A white flag signals surrender. To end the fighting. Lay down of arms. I have been on the hunt for my future husband for the past decade. I’ve been looking, then God spoke an important truth over my heart.
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I feel like my future was served to me on a silver platter, but I didn’t want it and sent it back to the kitchen. When we jump ahead of God’s will for our lives, we might get bruised.
My boyfriend wishes he met me sooner. I, on the other hand, am thankful for the time we met. Just like King Solomon wrote: “there is a season for every event under heaven.” I know that right now is God’s perfect season for me. Those fifteen years walking the path of singleness, He taught me to build my trust in Him and to keep believing that He would keep His word to me.
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In preparation of our July Tirzah in the Word, I wanted to challenge us to focus on a couple of topics to pray over this week. As you know, I, Alycia, highly enjoy our times of prayer and fasting as a global community. I have seen so many answered prayers over the years and so have many of you women from all over!
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Song of Solomon is correctly read as a book about the romantic love a husband and a wife have toward each other in marriage. However, being that the Bible is the book about Jesus (Luke 24:44-45), I want to read this verse in a Christocentric way. When we do so, we find that it is a beautifully redemptive one.
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Sometimes people say stupid things when we are hurting. Not because they want to hurt us, but because they are uncomfortable with our pain and don’t know what to say— especially when they have never been in our situation. This is often true of singleness.
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Hey girl, I see you. I know exactly how you are feeling. I have heard the same questions and comments as you. I questioned myself just like you do.
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People often tell single gals that once you’re ready, God will send a husband into your life. But, what is “ready”? I struggled with that in my single years, often thinking that maybe the reason God wasn’t giving me a husband for so long was because I wasn’t ready for marriage. Or maybe my husband wasn’t ready. Maybe neither of us was ready, and so we had to wait.
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Life is full of seasons and each season is an opportunity to learn something new. In a season of waiting, we learn the faithfulness of God. In a season of anticipation, we learn that God keeps His word. In a season of pain, we learn suffering is part of the journey.
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Let me begin by saying, I was single for twenty years. (Which doesn't sound like that much time, but a lot of life happened in those twenty years.) I was a self-described “strong and independent woman.” Singleness was amazing, though it was hard some days (I’m downplaying how often I cried in my car), but it was fulfilling to know I was focusing my time on serving God. Honestly, I expected there would be a much longer process between being single, and being in a relationship. Perhaps a couple of months of, “hmm, I could adjust to the idea of not being single anymore.” or something. Fireworks? A giant sign?
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We’ve all been in waiting seasons, when you’re somewhere you maybe no longer want to be, dreaming of someday. Or maybe you’re content with where you are, but your heart also longs for a different season, whether that’s a new job, graduating college, moving, falling in love, healing, starting a family, or becoming a mother. That feeling of longing and eagerly expecting something is what this week’s study is about.
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When I was a freshman in high school, my friend in the youth group made a bet with me that I would be married by the time I turned 25. While the bet was made partly in jest, the lingering idea that I could be married made me hopeful. So I followed Jesus closely throughout high school and college, avoiding the many temptations that encompass the college party scene, assuming the Lord would honor the bet by granting me a godly husband by 25. In my mind, I thought that I had to wait for a few months then God would lead a godly man that looked like Jess Mariano straight to my doorstep.
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I remember exactly where I was the day my season of waiting began. It was 2014, summer, right in the middle of hot, sticky July. My mother, sister, brother and I were standing in a department store waiting to check out just as the tornado sirens buzzed. Rain began and thunder followed almost immediately. The line was long, snake-like, intimidating, never-ending.
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Singleness. That word can feel heavy. Talking about singleness evokes many emotions and opinions. Sometimes this world looks at singleness as some sort of rare and life-strangling disease that can only be cured by excessive dating. I cannot tell you how many times I’m told statements like “any new man in your life?” or “have you tried putting yourself out there?” or “you’re just too picky!”. These statements place a painful burden on singles that make us feel we are missing out on something and even worse, feelings as if God is holding out on us. I know the temptation to doubt God’s promises is dangerously entrapping, but singleness is not a problem to be fixed, but a blessing to be cherished.
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Another Valentine’s Day rolled around and I’m still on my own. And you know what? I’m okay. Not “okay” as in bitter and four cats away from being a grumpy old cat lady. Not “okay” as in hoping-if-I-am-okay-God-will-remind-me-with-a-boyfriend.
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