To My Fellow Christian Singles
Dear Christian single,
I’m writing this because I want to encourage you in your faith. You are not alone; I too have been single all my life, and if you’re anything like me, maybe you too have never experienced a romantic relationship. Or perhaps you’ve experienced a romantic relationship, but it ended, or even marriage, but it ended whether through death or divorce. These are the truths I want you to reflect on: Your singleness is not an accident; you are cared for by God, and singleness is a time for the intentional enjoyment of God.
YOUR SINGLENESS IS NOT AN ACCIDENT
In particular areas where Christianity has taken root, singleness can often seem like the second-best life pathway. We pine for an idealized vision of marriage where we’re not alone, and we have a family to take care of. To be sure, marriage is to be honored by all; it is a good gift from a good God (Hebrews 13:4; James 1:17).
But singleness too is a gift from God, and it is a part of his good plan for our lives as Christians. In 1 Corinthians 7:17, Paul charges the Corinthian Christians to remain in the situation of life the Lord assigned when he called him.
While the context makes clear that slavery and circumcision are in view, the words also demonstrate that singleness is something the Lord intended for our good. Our singleness is not an accident; it is not meaningless or without purpose. Indeed, singleness is a means by which God the Father conforms us to the image of His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ (Romans 8:29). This is for our good, so we can share in his holiness (Hebrews 12:10). As it were, we are becoming more and more beautiful, the more we behold the Son (Psalm 96:9, NKJV; 2 Corinthians 3:18).
I’ve seen this in my own life. As a single Christian woman, it’s easy for me to be preoccupied with my own concerns. After all, I don’t have a husband or a child to think about. But as I lose myself in serving others by the power of the Holy Spirit, I become more like the One I love - Jesus Christ, who humbled himself and washed feet, who gave his life as a ransom for many. And it’s a beautiful thing to see.
YOU ARE CARED FOR BY GOD
Even though singleness is a means by which we can become more like Christ, that doesn’t take away the pain of the loneliness you and I sometimes feel. You may cry in your bed at night wishing for a body to hold, to be warm. Ecclesiastes 4:11 rings all too poignantly: “Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?” You may be sad because you had an expectation of romance and marriage, but it hasn’t come yet. Here, God speaks words that validate your feelings: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick” (Proverbs 13:12). He knows, and he cares. Do you know what God does to the sick heart? He draws near (Psalm 34:18), and he heals and binds up its wounds (Psalm 147:3). He promises that if you draw near to Him, He will draw near to you (James 4:8). The Psalms give us the language to be honest before the God who commands that we pour out our hearts before Him (Psalm 62:8). Open that book. Pick a psalm or a verse in one that comforts you. Use it as a prayer, and God will comfort you (Isaiah 66:13), because He loves you and is merciful.
Also, know that Jesus understands the pain of loneliness in your singleness. He too was alone praying in the garden, with his friends asleep. He too was rejected and despised by men (Isaiah 53:3). Likely thinking about his impending death for the sins of the whole world, he cried out to God and was heard because of His reverence, saying, “Not my will, but yours” (Matthew 26:36-38; Hebrews 5:7).
Know that God is completely good (1 John 1:5), and His will for you is thus also good. Christ did not want to die, but the will of the Father was our salvation, with the attendant ultimate good of eternal life and a relationship with Him, and entrance into His good kingdom of righteousness, joy, peace, and power in the Holy Spirit. You may not want to be single, but God’s will for you is good: to make you more like Him by the pursuit of Him.
SINGLENESS IS A TIME OF INTENTIONAL ENJOYMENT OF GOD
Singleness carries with it Kingdom advantages. While it may not seem like it, it truly does. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul encourages singleness as an opportunity to be devoted fully to the Lord without distraction, and he explains his reasoning by saying that the one who is married has divided interests and concerns - how to please his partner - but the one who is single is concerned about how to please the Lord. When you are single, you have more time than the married couple does to grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ (fulfilling a command of Scripture; 2 Peter 3:18), and you have more time to devote to serving the Lord in your local church.
The good news of the gospel? Christ loved us, died for us and made us who believe part of His family. You and I as single Christian women are not alone no matter how we might feel on any given day. We have brothers and sisters in Christ with whom we can pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace (2 Timothy 2:22). So get up from your bed and your tears. Text a friend from church or your youth or women’s ministry. Grab a coffee. Serve, whether it’s in kidmin or worship or media or admin. In these ways, you will experience the love of Christ and grow in your trust in Him.
Woman of God, I pray that you would comprehend the length and width, height and depth of God’s love for you as you seek Him. May you know Christ’s love that surpasses knowledge, so that you would be filled with all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:18-19). You are loved by God, and He holds you.
Sincerely,
Ozi