I have a problem with forgiveness. I cannot let go of the afflictions I’ve suffered at the hands of a loved one. I lay it before the cross one day, and creep back in the dark of the night to steal it back again.
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The first time I heard a message like this was in my home church. A man from India traveled all the way to Northern Idaho and was talking about missionary work. He was the first person to ever help me see what a “missionary” is in the Biblical sense.
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Waiting is hard. It's grueling. It can be even harder when you feel alone in the process. When everyone around you seems to be getting what they want, and you continue to beg God to answer your prayers.
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I grew up surrounded by other Christians, and my mother was the children’s pastor at our church. For years, I would attend church on Sunday morning, leaving the house before sunrise and getting home late in the afternoon. However, as I grew older, I realized I did not have a relationship with God.
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Discouraging and condemning thoughts became my lifestyle and I began to view my circumstances through this lens. One small slip up was all it would take for condemning thoughts to come flooding in.
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Thanks to the constant barrage of media, it’s easy to come to the conclusion that you will never be enough. There’s always pressure to do more and be more. And, even if you have somehow managed to escape the feeling that you must measure up to the way that others look or act, you are still likely to sink into the trap of thinking you are not enough.
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Sometimes we think we only need to pray once and we’ll get an answer; that if we don’t get an answer then God said no. But maybe, you need to keep taking your request before God again and again.
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Do you ever have anxious thoughts about your life? How about a restless heart? Or maybe your mind is just tired? Friend, sometimes it can be hard to admit to having these struggles, especially when, as a Christian, we’re supposed to “have it all together.” But being a Christian doesn’t mean we have it all together or that we have all of the answers.
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Just as there are stages to grief, there are stages to wrestling with God’s plan for our lives. My senior year is just one example of when the Lord asked me to wrestle with His plan and realign my heart with His. Hannah’s story in 1 Samuel 1 provides an outline and guidance as we step into obedience when wrestling with God.
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It’s 2019, and I don’t think any other generation has ever been lonelier than ours. It’s the digital age of “liking” but not loving and serving. Our real-life experiences have been replaced by online connections and, because we have been deprived of any kind of authentic relationships, we live in a great isolation than ever before.
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Who am I? The question pounds from the moment I wake up to the second I fall back to sleep. I open my phone, and I am pestered by a thousand possibilities. Am I a writer? Am I an artist? Am I a linen skirt girl? Am I a leather jacket chick? Red or pink lipstick? Should I be wearing lipstick? Do I care about fashion trends? Who liked my posts? Did those people notice me? Do I need to get my name out more?
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In 1 Peter, Peter talks about how we shouldn’t adorn ourselves with fancy things (I’m paraphrasing) but he basically tells us to be plain… but is wearing a braid crown and sparkly earrings really sinning against God? The easy answer is no, the more difficult answer is, it could be. Now, don’t get me wrong - I like looking put together, so should I feel guilty every time I get myself together and wear that pretty necklace and mascara?
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After months of prayers and applications, I found myself feeling angry, disappointed, and without a response from God. It has been months and I’m still here. Didn’t Jesus call us to go? My hope was that maybe God would lead me to a completely new city or maybe He would call me to go on mission in a foreign country, away from all that was familiar. I prayed, “God, take me anywhere you want to go.”
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Having negative emotions does not necessarily mean you are losing faith. Sometimes, it is God’s way of encouraging you to be more intimate with Him. Because sometimes, it really is okay to not be okay.
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For that girl who is doing okay spiritually, taking all the correct steps and still feeling frustrated in her faith, keep going and keep pursuing. God shines even in times where you feel like you are perpetually waiting.
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Is one awkward moment too high of a price to pay to potentially lead someone to Christ?
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That moment, when God was so faithful to touch me with His healing hand and fill me with His rich love, I knew that it was necessary. I knew that I would never be the same. You see, I grew up worshiping a creator who I believed was present but apathetic. A God who didn’t think good thoughts towards me. Who preferred others over me. The abandonment I experienced from both my biological father and stepfather so tainted my view of fatherly love that I didn’t know how to receive pure love from my Father in Heaven.
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Just as we take part in many traditions that help us remember what God has done for us as a body of believers, it’s also important to practice remembering what God has done for us personally. Reflecting on times where I’ve experienced the Lord’s faithfulness, power, or love give me courage to face what’s ahead and give me confidence to share those stories with others.
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We allow our feelings of vulnerability (real or imagined) to take over. We begin to act out of that fear, rather than our faith. How many times have you said “no” because you were afraid that you would make a mistake? And from that mistake, everyone else would be able to spot your weaknesses?
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It’s not about the time that we used to have pre-child. It’s about the time we have now. Time exists infinitely; therefore, we create the space to allow time into our lives as mothers. We need to stop expecting our time with God to look just like it did before children. How does that time look? Here are five suggestions for you.
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