Building Bridges & Burning Ships: Part 3
“Go and make disciples of all nations” - Matt. 28:19
“You two do such a great job of that. I can’t imagine how many countless people you have discipled. What makes you different is you don’t just disciple in the church. You teach us young adults how to create families. You live out what it looks like for us to have healthy families. The two of you teach those of us with first-generation Christian families how to break generational cycles.”
- Letter from Myself to My Friend & Her Husband
We left off in part two as I was meeting a pastor’s wife and heading out to coffee.
I feel like that coffee meeting was a trajectory for my life.
Yes, I know, that’s pretty dramatic, but let me explain more.
I grew up in ministry life, in a culture where many people were constantly being positioned and poised to shepherd others.
What do I mean by this? Ministry life can be an alternate universe. There is a constant “impression” it feels that has to be portrayed. This is the image that you have to be a new level of Christian. Your family reads Scripture for three hours a day, never goes anywhere “unholy”, and talks to every single person, every day about Jesus while they are out of the house. I’m not going to lie, my family definitely had days where we did actually fit this. It is a lot of pressure to grow up under, however.
When I found a massive church I could hide in and not be seen, I was not too upset. Then, one day I met the daughter of one of the pastor’s wives.
The funny thing is my life did not instantly change. I was not immediately thrust back into the ministry spotlight.
Instead of running from people in ministry, I embraced it. I became the girl who, instead of volunteering for musicals - volunteered to watch all the pastor’s kids because the church’s musicals would last for days and I personally knew what it was like to be stuck in ministry. When other young adults wanted to hang out before church, I would be helping Mandy fix dinner for guests from the church that would come over for community at her home before church. To me, I would much rather be with Mandy and her daughter and her family any day over an entire group of people my age. That’s actually a cool thing though!
I always thought I was the odd duck (or perhaps Mandy was) to constantly be seeking companionship across different ages and inviting people into our homes, but can I tell you what I learned? I learned my best friend could be nine years older than me (sorry for revealing your age Mandy!) and I could be twenty-one years older than my “littlest” best friend and that it was Biblical - Titus 2:3-5 NIV!
During my single years, I had a best friend who also shepherded me in running the best Godly house I could imagine (One day my future husband needs to write a long thank you letter to both my family and Dan & Mandy!). That was never my intent, but I learned how to do ministry and invite people into REAL life.
Mandy and her husband excel at boundaries to protect their family and guard their space. They allowed me (and other young adults) to get a firsthand glimpse into real life. It can be really hard to run a rather large ministry, care for four children, both working and disciple other believers. It’s not perfect and I’m so grateful I got to see the real thing.
What is real is burning the ships of lack of communication and building bridges to find common ground with anyone from anywhere. There were days where missionaries from other countries were sitting on the floor and we were feeding church people and missionaries Thai food (Mandy grew up as a missionary kid herself). Other times, what felt like the entire worship team would be at the dining room table while kids demanded food and somehow Mandy was feeding us all what always felt like organic food (and still making sure I had something gluten free). The thing is - we were allowed to be messy.
Being messy meant laughing at dirty laundry that had no time to be folded because we were serving people. It meant Mandy and her husband calmly communicating back and forth over what took priority for the day between the demands for both them and the kids. This meant the kids sometimes not so calmly communicating they wanted more attention and time had to be adjusted for that because family comes before ministry. It means Mandy and I constantly going back and forth trying to call each other, but sometimes missing the mark as my life begins to shape more in ministry as well. This means not being frustrated when you want to spend time with just the two of you as best friends, but the demands of ministry are everywhere. It also means road tripping to another state with four children for a kids conference, so you can catch up on a long car ride.
And guess what? There are no three hours of daily Bible reading (goals for real though!). Instead, it’s writing articles for all of you and learning more about the Bible as I teach you. I’ll officially be out of the “young adults” bracket in one week and I plan on doing my best to continue the Titus 2 model! For Mandy, it’s now writing a sermon as she speaks at her husband’s ministry, and learning more about the Bible that way. Most times for us, sharing the Gospel involves the inner city work we’re both involved in (in different parts of the state) and sharing the Gospel there. Somehow, I continue to fall more in love with young adults and God has allowed me to open both my ministries and my family to them. Why? Because I learned to burn the ship of “perfection” and build the bridge of allowing people into the messy.
Stay tuned for Part four coming soon!
There’s nothing like a good, old-fashioned discussion on gender roles in the church and building bridges.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alycia Marie is a free-spirited wanderer learning to find roots. She currently resides in Milwaukee and serves the community of southeastern Wisconsin. You can typically find her outdoors, as long as it’s warm, hanging out with family/close friends, and meeting soon-to-not-be strangers. In her spare time, she writes, drinks chai tea, and builds non-profits, homes, families, and people. Some people like to call it missions. She prefers well-digging.