Building Bridges & Burning Ships: Part 2
“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” - Titus 2: 3 - 5 NIV
I want to tell you about something I’ve noticed on the journey of building bridges and burning ships (part 1 here).
Labels.
They are so fun. When you meet a person you start to categorize them - the color of their skin, their age, their gender, their sexuality, or maybe what they do for a living. We don’t intentionally place people in a box - nonetheless we do. One of the things I’ve noticed in the modern-day church is an unintentional “burning ships”.
Once upon a time in history, church used to be a place that gathered in one accord in one room. Over time, they grew in size - amassed in people. This required division. That division brought labels. There was a “kids” group, “teen group”, “married”, “young adults”, “single”, and many other categories. This started causing a divide in relationships. It was unintentional, but when you look around, you see a divide between different age groups, genders, and races. In my own life, this brings me back to a story.
Growing up, I went to a strict, cult-like church that required unrealistic, religious expectations of its congregation. I was not particularly fond of churches for several years. However, when I moved close to my parents again after graduate school, my dad suggested a church. He noticed that I had a propensity to hang out with everyone but my own age throughout the years. A church in the area had a young adults group that went to the Dream Center (one of my favorite non - profits) and my dad told me that if I went I could probably go on missions trips. I was bribed and I went. Mind you - I snuck out immediately afterward and found that a lot of the young adults lived very different lives than I had.
This sounds very odd for me to say that young adults lived very differently, but let me elaborate. I always loved school. I loved it so much that I just kept going and was very determined to pursue what God had for my life. I had just come from living in a Christian university town where pretty much everyone my age there was getting their Masters or PhDs - as was I. Then, suddenly I was in the suburbs of Wisconsin with a bunch of young adults in their 20s whom I realized did not have the same childhood experiences I had. Many of them had been blessed to be raised in a church that sheltered them, had many things in abundance, and had not been exposed to a lot of the poverty right down the road from them. I walked in at twenty-four as a pastor’s kid, finished with my Master’s in Social Work, working a career job with all older women - many of whom were pastor’s wives, and I was surrounded by people who were walking in different phases of life. It was a hard disconnect for me to find the people my age were once again the people I connected with the least.
However, I had another thought - this massive church had a nursery! (I’m actually more introverted, but if you place me in a room full of children, I will spend all day there and enjoy myself.) This would solve my dilemma and make everyone happy. I immediately signed up for the nursery and found out 3 things. 1. You had to become a member. 2. You needed to attend the church for at least 6 months. 3. You had to take a series of membership classes. That was a lot of work!
I’ve been told that I am pretty convincing when I want something though! The church and I came to an agreement that waived me of several of the requirements due to my experience with Jesus and ministry and my extreme excitement to minister to children. That only left me taking a couple of membership classes and they immediately let me serve with the toddlers - background check required, of course.
At that moment, I unintentionally burned a ship I wasn’t even aware of in that church (until years later). I found that it was highly unusual for a young adult who didn’t grow up in the church to leave the area where young adults were. This led me to being the pioneer or odd duck. I still went to the young adults and snuck in/out. My joy in my life was the Sunday mornings with my “littlest best friend”. Unbeknownst to me, I had befriended one of the pastor’s daughters. She was 2 and to this day is one of my favorite people on earth. This led to journeys, paths, and adventures I would never have anticipated.
One day as I was walking down the halls, this precious girl ran into my arms and said “love you”. Her mom immediately wanted to know who I was and invited me out to coffee. She stated that she had to know the young woman who her daughter was enamored with. I, of course, had to know the mom who raised such a precious little girl. At that moment, a bridge was built. A Titus 2 bridge that we don’t see as much in society today. You’ll have to wait for Part 3 to learn more….
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alycia Marie is a free-spirited wanderer learning to find roots. She currently resides in Milwaukee and serves the community of southeastern Wisconsin. You can typically find her outdoors, as long as it’s warm, hanging out with family/close friends, and meeting soon-to-not-be strangers. In her spare time, she writes, drinks chai tea, and builds non-profits, homes, families, and people. Some people like to call it missions. She prefers well-digging.