Tales of a Single Christian
I’ve never experienced an earthly, tangible love from a man who loved Jesus. That was all I wanted. My parents have been married for almost 30 years. My older sisters are both married to incredibly loving, strong men who are absolutely in love with Jesus. I’m the only one unmarried in my family and the anxiety and overshadowing fear of being alone is sometimes overwhelming.
I grew up hearing that Jesus loves me, but these words of reassurance and truth have never satisfied that deep desire to be loved. I’ve been told many times that Christ is enough for me, but what if I am "destined" to be single all my life?
Will Christ be enough for me if I am "destined" to wake up alone every morning?
In Genesis, God saw that Adam was alone and that things weren't quite right. Therefore, Eve was created and only then things were perfect (at least before the Fall...). Adam and Eve were in perfect union together as husband and wife and in perfect union with God.
Now, I'm not saying living a life as a single Christian is bad. On the contrary, I am inspired by the men and women who wholeheartedly pursue Christ and His love without a spouse. I hope and strive for that kind of courage and faith.
I thought I could live a single life, serving Jesus…until I met the first man who showed any form of tangible "love" towards me.
A few months ago, I met a guy. He came to my college church group and we somehow connected. We went ice-skating with some friends, bowling, and kept hanging out. This guy and the possibility of a relationship that I’ve always dreamed of captivated my heart.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t a Christian. He didn’t know and understand the Resurrection and the full love of Jesus. I knew this, and yet my heart still lusted and became hopeful.
“Maybe I can change him!”
“He’ll learn to love Jesus eventually!”
These are things the enemy kept whispering in my ear.
Then, God changed everything when this man became more connected in the church, came under the mentorship of one of the male leaders, heard the Gospel, and accepted Jesus into his heart! When he told me, I screamed with joy and bounced around like a little girl! God had finally answered my prayers - now this man and I could be together and take God’s mission by storm as a couple. Or so I thought.
I was blinded and thought my immediate lust was the beginning of a love story. My selfish heart broke when this man grew more in love with Jesus and the Church, and less invested in my heart and love.
God allowed me to taste what it was like for my heart to be swept up by a man - to experience and realize that I am capable of putting all of my hopes, thoughts, love, and dreams into a man instead of Jesus.
I figured I was ready for a real relationship because I could put my relationship with Jesus above my relationship with a boyfriend. Boy, was I wrong.
Putting Jesus first in your life is something you have to choose to do day by day. Life can get lonely and our wandering hearts yearn for an earthly love. I am no expert in relationships and marriage, but I am an expert in being a single girl with a wanting heart.
Here are some things that help me when I have trouble choosing Jesus first:
- Pray. I know this is what everyone says and you're probably sick of hearing it, but prayer is our direct contact with Christ! Because of the Cross, you and I are able to directly share our loneliness and pain with God. Prayer is a habit that needs to be practiced and developed over time - God loves it when we lay out our hearts to Him. The more you pray, the better you will know and love Christ.
- Talk to other Christian women you know, both married and single. Married women know all about the joys and pains of being single and will be more than happy to share their thoughts and prayers with you.
- Participate in a small group or Bible study specifically with single women. Grow together and do life together as single women. Your single friends can serve as a support system in the moments when you feel like you're the only one going through something like this - it takes some vulnerability and trust, but the end result is totally worth it!
When our hopes and thoughts are pointed towards anything and anyone besides Jesus we stumble, fall, and fail.
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. - Matthew 6:33
When I placed everything in this man I was not fully satisfied. Besides, I could never fully satisfy him either. I thought I could fill God’s role in his heart, but as a new believer, he is now learning how fulfilling Jesus is and how much the cross impacts our lives.
Marriage or any other human relationship will not fix your lonely heart. Only Jesus can do that!
I know it sounds cliche and overused nowadays, but the "perfect man" has already been given to you as Jesus! This is the truth: Christ is truly enough. And if an earthly husband is not in the plan He has for your life, embrace that. Rejoice! You can serve Christ better as a single woman than you can in a marriage that isn't Christ-centered.
But I want you to be without care. [S]he who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord - how [s]he may please the Lord...There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world - how she may please her husband -1 Corinthians 7:32;34
In reality, you will meet a Godly man someday - you'll most likely get married and have children... spending the rest of your life serving the Lord as a family. That is what men and women were created for.
But in this single season?
Let's serve together, pray for one another, and challenge each other. Being a Christ follower is not easy, nor meant to be done alone. Single or married - we are all sisters in Christ going through the same life challenges, struggles and triumphs.