When The Holidays Make People Hurt
I have so many friends who are hurting right now. I also know of many more — thanks to social media — people who I feel like I know in real life. It’s hard to know what to do or say when people I love go through hard things, and I never want to be insensitive to what they’re going through.
I’m thinking of this today, because as I write, I’m sitting at my kitchen table listening to Christmas music. I love this time of year, but for so many people, this is the hardest season. I get it. For my own family, this is a season full of nostalgia and looking back on years past, so I can see why this season could be the worst for those suffering a family loss.
The thing I’ve learned in walking through life with friends and family who suffer loss and heartache is that there is no perfect thing to say. What works for one friend may be totally wrong for another. Nonetheless, here are a few ways you can support someone who is hurting this holiday season:
Pray for her
First, it’s also okay to not have words to say, sometimes. This past summer, my best friend suffered two extremely difficult and different losses. The only thing I could think of to do was to pray for her and to be there beside her as she processes and grieved those losses.
We can always pray for others. And we don’t have to have fancy words to cry out to Jesus, friends. We can just tell Him her name and ask Him to be a real presence for her in her grief/loneliness/hardship; to surround her with His love and to use the people close to her to comfort her. I do this very thing for people on social media all the time. I may not know them in person, but I can pray for them, and when I say I will pray, I stop right then and pray before I forget. Anyone can do this, and it’s effective.
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect. -James 5:16 (CSB)
Be there for her
Another thing we can do is to just be there for someone. Make that family who just lost child a meal. Don’t ask if they need anything, just tell them (even if is in a text) that you would like to bring them a meal, and ask when the best time would be for you to drop it off. And then, just drop it off at their door and let them know it’s there. I do this kind of thing pretty often, because I am always cooking dinner for my own family so it’s not hard to double a recipe to share it with someone.
These are great things to do if someone suffered a loss, but often times, during this time of year, people just hurt. Be a friend and make a concentrated effort to reach out and show her love. That is all many of us want and need — just for someone to be there who genuinely cares for us. Above all, ask God about it. He knows each heart and how to comfort each one of us. I often ask the Lord to show me how to be a help to others and He is always faithful to give me an idea.
Just as you want others to do for you, do the same for them. — Luke 6:31 (CSB)
Be a shoulder to cry on
Jesus knew what it was like to suffer loss because of Lazarus. You can read the full account in John 11, but here is a summary: Jesus’ friend Lazarus was sick. His sisters asked Jesus to go with them to their house to heal their brother, but He didn’t go right away. He stayed where He was for a couple more days, then He went to Lazarus’ house. When Jesus got to them, they told Him Lazarus had died, and He went to the tomb where his friend was buried. When He saw that he was dead, the Bible tells us that Jesus wept. Over and over again in the gospels, we read of a Savior who was always moved to compassion and filled with love for those around Him.
Sometimes, in hard situations, words will fail, and the only thing we may be able to do is to weep with our friends. This happened to me just two weeks ago, when I saw a friend at church who was there to plan her daughter’s funeral service. I went to her and hugged her, and when she wept on me, I just held her and cried with her. And that was okay. It may have even been what she needed in that moment.
Weep with those who weep. — Romans 12:15
Be present in her life and be an attentive and listening ear. Offer a shoulder to cry on, and maybe sometimes, just cry with her. Pray with her. Just be there. You will never regret being there for someone who is hurting, and you never know how the Lord will use you in that kind of situation. Be available and be a willing vessel for God to use. If you ask the Lord to use you, I promise you, He will use you.
Always remember to never forget
I love this time of year so much, but my heart hurts for those I know and love who are hurting. I ask the Lord to remind me of them often, so I can pray for them when I think of them. I have alarms set on my phone to pray for friends who have lost children this year, and another friend, whose husband very unexpectedly left and is divorcing her. They’ll post on social media, and I will tell them that every time the Lord brings them to mind, I pray. I know sometimes we think that prayer is the only thing we can do, but really, praying is the best thing we can do. The Lord hears those prayers and they’re never wasted.
I pray this encourages you to experience this upcoming holiday season with open eyes and a caring heart. I pray it challenges you to be sensitive to the hurt that is all around us this season. I pray that as the Lord has comforted you in your life, that you can be a comfort to others in their time of need.
He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive through God. -2 Corinthians 1:4
A closing prayer: Lord Jesus, thank You for the way You use our hurts. In Your sovereignty, when You comfort us, Your word tells us to then go and comfort others. Show us how to do this more, Lord, especially in these upcoming holidays and times of celebrating with our families. Help us all to be aware of others around us who are hurting so that we can show them Your love. In this busy season, help us not be so busy that we don’t notice others. Show them to us, Lord, and lead us in what to say or do to be a comfort and a blessing to them. Use us as vessels, Lord, and help us to show them Your love. In Your beautiful name I pray, amen.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
When Jennifer isn't focusing on her family of her husband and four (almost) grown sons, she is passionate about leading women to a deeper knowledge of and relationship with Jesus, through the reading of the Bible and through prayer. After years of serving in student ministry, the Lord pulled her out of that and planted her solidly in the women's ministry within her local church. She leads a small group on Wednesday nights, and together they study the word of God verse by verse, and book by book of the Bible. She loves to write, and you can find her sharing regularly on her blog, Overflowing With Thanksgiving. She also loves to sing and to help lead worship at her church, and will always be a choir girl at heart. You can find out more about her and her hobbies on her favorite social media outlet Instagram, as JenLloydGoodwin.