When (The) Church Hurts
I heard a statement recently from someone who has been hurt by another in the church. When I say "in the church," I mean within the body of believers that makes up the church, not the actual church building. That got me thinking about what we do when people hurt us.
First, people are people, and people are human. Not one of us is a perfect human being and because of our sin problem, we will always battle our "flesh" or worldly tendencies. (Our “flesh” is our human nature, which is sinful.) We can let our flesh win, or we can operate by the power of the Holy Spirit. It's always a battle between the Spirit and the flesh. Operating by the power of the Holy Spirit requires time spent with Jesus in prayer and in reading His Word.
Sinful people are all around, myself included, and sometimes we say things we shouldn't or act in a way that is less than nice. We all give in to this from time to time, but when we act out in this way, it's important for us to make amends to anyone we may have hurt. For example, if I had a bad day, someone calls me on the phone, and I am rude to them, it is my responsibility to own up to what I did and offer a heartfelt apology.
When someone who is a believer hurts us, it's important to remember that they are equally as human as you and I are—and even if they never apologize, it's important to forgive them. (Disclaimer: I am in no way talking about a crime that needs to be reported to your local authorities.)
I can speak to this, because up until recently, I have held a grudge against a pastor from long ago. I won't go into it, because it's water under the bridge now, but he never apologized and for my own good, I had to finally move on and forgive him even though he was never repentant.
Like I said, he is human, and what he said is on him and between him and the Lord. Someday he will answer for what took place and how his harsh words caused both my husband and me to stumble in our walk with God.
Though I'm not excusing him, by not forgiving him, it was like something was festering inside of me, growing and growing. That is exactly what bitterness and anger will do, if you let them go on unchecked. They eat away at you! There is a verse that talks about this in Colossians 3:8:
“But now, put away all the following: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and filthy language from your mouth.”-Colossians 3:8
In that same chapter, a bit further down, there are instructions on how we are to live, if we have been saved from a life without Jesus:
“Therefore, as God's chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ, to which you were also called in one body, rule your hearts. And be thankful”- Colossians 12-15
From these verses, do you see how when we act in those ways and put on those things, that peace rules in our hearts? It's true! The enemy likes to trick us into harboring a grudge and bitterness in our hearts. We have to be careful to not live like that, though, or our hearts will become hardened. As believers and followers of Jesus, we should always be asking for soft and pliable hearts. We want the Word of God to change us within our hearts, so bitterness doesn't rot us from the inside out.
What is in our hearts always comes out of our mouths.
“A good person produces good out of the good stored up in his heart. An evil person produces evil out of the evil stored up in his heart, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of his heart”-Luke 6:45
Something else I've learned is hurt people hurt people. Did you read that right? Read it again. Hurt people hurt people. People don't just do and say things because they're in the mood; they usually act out in a certain way because of the condition of their own heart. That is why I always try to view everything as a heart issue between the person and God. Either you are walking with Jesus or you are not. Watch someone from each of those categories interact with others, and you'll be able to tell which group they belong.
After realizing that people are human, and nobody is perfect, it's important to let it go. Elsa had it right, it turns out, when she sang that well known song. Most likely, they're not sitting around thinking about what they may or may not have done. So, accept their humanness, let it go, and move on with your life. Pray for them! It’s hard to be upset with someone you’re actively and faithfully praying for.
That is my encouragement for you today. I know I need this reminder every once in a while. Do you need this reminder today? If so, spend some time praying about the situation, and release it to Jesus.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jennifer Goodwin is a wife, and mom to four (almost) grown sons. The Lord has called her to serve in several different ministries within her church home, some of which are bible study and leading younger women, and helping in the leading of worship on Sundays. During the week you can find her writing on her blog, Overflowing With Thanksgiving and encouraging others through her favorite social media outlet: Instagram. Follow along with her and be encouraged at @jenlloydgoodwin.