How to Serve Your Future Husband During Your Engagement

I felt so awkward carrying a steaming, hot pizza box through the gym floor. The scent filled the rooms and as I walked by the treadmills and ellipticals, eyes of once motivated people shot daggers at me. My fiancé, Jordan, works at our local recreation center as a lifeguard. He was stationed at the indoor pool that evening until closing and as the night went on, I figured he’d get hungry, and I thought he might miss me too. So, around his break time, I brought him by a pizza for dinner. I love Jordan. I tell him that everyday. It’s easy to “feel” that way a lot of the time but “feeling” in love isn’t a foundation for marriage. Very early on in our relationship, Jordan and I realized that just “feeling in love” wasn’t going to be enough to sustain the future we want together. The love I have learned to have for Jordan isn’t a feeling but an action, that I chose to live out each and every day.

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. -1 John 3:18

Jesus knew this and taught a lot about it when He was here on earth. We read a lot about this idea of love being an action and not just a feeling in the Bible too. To live this way, we need to be constantly in prayer and disciplining ourselves to to be filled with the Holy Spirit and not our own selfish desires, because for any healthy relationship or marriage to survive, we need to love in an action-based, serving manner.

I love what Colossians tells us about being a wife: “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Col. 3:18-19).

Wow, wait a minute. Doesn’t that sound a little oppressive? I was confused too, and didn’t love this verse the first time I read it. But let’s break it down. The word “submissive” here is originally translated from the Greek word “hupotasso” meaning a voluntary yielding of selfishness to honor a recognized person worthy of respect. This is not a dismissive call of passive silence but quite the opposite! As a couple, we surrender to the knowledge that Christ is our superior and, as a couple, we are equally yoked under Him. As loving wives (or wives to be!) we are called to willingly choose to give up our selfishness, seek the will of the Lord, and, as leaders, put the needs of our husbands first and to serve them the way Christ modeled for us.

This is something I learn more about each and every day as I plan my wedding with Jordan and learn to live a life honoring to him and to God. As his future wife, I need to be strong in ushering the Holy Spirit and grace of God into our lives. This is what the Bible means when it talks about a submissive wife. When we submit to the will of God, we allow Him to come in and govern our home.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things. -Galatians 5:22-23

When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, this kind of action-love comes naturally. When we know so sincerely that God loves us, we overflow and pour it out! When we invite God into our lives, He is invited to our homes and it blesses our husbands.

By being submissive to the will of God, we become powerful leaders and wives who are crowns to their husbands.

A wife of noble character is her husband's crown. -Proverbs 12:4

Love, in this context, the way God intended it to be, is not a fleeting feeling but an action we chose to live out, even when it’s hard and goes against our selfish nature. To serve our husbands, we love them by encouraging them, by uplifting them, and by choosing to put them before ourselves as a display of honor and respect. It is our duty as wives to walk beside our husbands and willingly be what they need. We should be willing to say, I respect you, I honor you, and in this marriage, I am not living for myself. I want to understand your needs, wants, and expectations and and be the woman you need to lead you into becoming the man God intends for you to be. This happens not only through words but through actions.

Take some time to talk about each other's love languages (read the book and take the accompanying quiz!). Figure out what actions, including small daily ones, that will encourage your future husband and point Him to Christ, while above all keeping your gaze on Jesus.

Whether it’s bringing him dinner to work or just sitting with him as his advocate, serving your future husband is about putting him first and being your best for his benefit through a life rooted in God’s definition of love.

What are some ways you can tangibly serve your significant other?

Let's share ideas and discuss this in the comments!