Hey girl, I see you. I know exactly how you are feeling. I have heard the same questions and comments as you. I questioned myself just like you do. Have you thought, “Is there something wrong with me?” Do conversations about relationships cut deep in your spirit? Have you heard comments intended for encouragement but simply make you feel less understood than before? I am here for you. Seriously, send me a DM if you need a pep talk because I know how you are feeling.

GIRL. I know. 

We are taught that we have fulfillment in Jesus Christ — you are whole and made new in God’s love. All the while, you receive frequent questioning everywhere you turn on your love life, or lack thereof, making you feel less than because you ain’t got no man.

There is so much pressure on relationship status as young women, especially around holidays like Valentine’s Day. 

What in the world can you do? Well first off, know you are a child of God. Although there may be things you should change or improve in your life, you are certainly not unworthy of earthly love, and you are worthy of God’s love. Whether single, dating, married, divorced or widowed, you are loved by God. Know that. 

I have compiled a list of things I think you can do right now to find joy and fulfillment in life:

• Learn to live like Jesus

  • This is first on the list for a reason.  

  • Live a life in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ (Philippians 1:27).

  • Be an imitator of Christ (Ephesians 5:1).

  • Learn to live like Jesus, and you will have a life well lived.

• Serve others

  • “Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve” (Matthew 20:28).

  • Get involved in your church and community. 

  • Make time for others. 

  • Go on a mission trip.

  • Spend quality time with married couples as well to see the dynamics of how marriage is working for them. If you have nieces and nephews, or friends with kids, you have time to spend with them! I have been blessed to have many opportunities to do just this over the last several years, and it has been so worth it.

• Have fun!

  • Find out what you are passionate about and pursue it. This means finding out things you may not enjoy, too. You have the unique opportunity to try out so many different things and find out what fits you. So go for it!

  • Travel! If you are able and have a hankering to travel, make a list of different places you want to go and see it through. You will not regret it.

• Take care of yourself

  • Mentally, physically, emotionally and physically. You have time to work on yourself right now. 

  • If you need to work through some things, start counseling. Start exercising and eating well. Begin a new skill or new hobby that you have been interested in. Work with or start the ministry you keep researching and being drawn to.

• Get your house in order (as best you can)

  • Learn to tithe, learn to budget and how to be frugal, pay off debt, begin to build a savings, invest, work on controlling impulse buying, etc., so when you have financial discussions with your significant other, you can discuss how you may be financially healthy, and give, together. 

  • Finances were never something I ever really wanted to be involved in when I was younger. That may sound naive and silly, but I was never interested in it and assumed a man would always be able to take care of it for me. I did not want to know what a 401(k) was or how much I should be investing in it, yet here I am. It is still never my favorite thing to work out, but I am able to, especially with the help of budgeting apps and advice from wise people in my life. 

Two broken people cannot make a whole. Even one broken person can make a relationship difficult. Do what you can so you can enter a relationship whole and content with who you are. Have contentment with just you and God. I understand life happens, and circumstances change plans, but even in that, you can do the work to get to a good place before beginning a relationship.

Honestly, once you find peace with your circumstances and find contentment with the possibility of life just being you and God, “it will happen when you least expect it.” I know this is such a cliché thing to say, but it is true.

Enjoy this special season where you can spend time with Jesus, others and yourself. Learn to live the best you can like Jesus, do not fall into the trap of societal pressures, and — with or without a man — you will find a life of contentment, fulfillment, and peace.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Whitney can be described by the opening lyrics of a few Tom Petty songs. She's a good girl who grew up in a small Indiana town who loves her mama, Jesus, and America too. She practices medicine as a physician assistant at an urgent care. Whitney is a music enthusiast and leads worship at her church. She has a heart for people, and wants to help young girls and women find their worth in Christ rather than what the world says of them. Whitney loves a good dad joke, the outdoors, spending time with family and friends, Southern manners, working on her fitness, attempting Pinterest crafts, and cheering on Indiana University basketball.