Dealing with Disappointment
Be honest with me for just a minute—have you had a moment (or two or eighty–three) during this pandemic with those you most love? Have you totally lost your focus, your emotions, and the tight reign you try to keep over your tongue? I have. I’ve had several of these moments, if I’m being honest, and just earlier this week I was in the throes of one such time. I have this issue that I am always working on, with having high expectations of people. These are people in my life who are believers in and followers of Jesus, who regularly attend church, who say they read the word of God, who pray, who are always letting me down in some way. I say I’m working on this, because it’s true—this is not a positive attribute of mine.
This time when we’ve been told to stay safer at home has been trying, to say the very least. I know it has been for all of us in some way. For me what this has meant is that for six weeks now, my home has been full to overflowing with all of the people who reside here with me. I have a husband and four grown sons. There is a lot of testosterone around me, and there are a lot of strong opinions. I’ve tried to do my part at keeping the peace within these walls, but sometimes I just slip and I let it all get to me. This was what was going on in my heart during this time I speak of.
I started realizing (after several times of going through this) that I’d been neglecting my prayer life. I was still reading the Bible consistently, but for whatever reason every time I would go to pray, someone would walk into the kitchen and get coffee, or come through as they were leaving or going to work. Once I realized this, I modified the time I sit to pray and read in my Bible and started doing all of this earlier. That helped tremendously, and all the interruptions stopped. I also realized that this was a good tactic of the enemy—distraction. I am so glad the Lord showed me that part of my battle was spiritual, because the enemy moves and operates at times when we least expect.
Aside from being at a place where I’m always being let down by people I know and love, I also have an issue with getting my feelings hurt. Ever since I was a little girl, I remember people telling me not to be so sensitive, but how can you not be sensitive all of a sudden? I believe that I was made this way by my loving heavenly Father, and it’s why as an adult I can cry at the drop of a hat. Every time someone around me cries, whether on a television screen or in person, I cry with them. Do you remember that line from Steel Magnolias when Truvy told M’Lynn that nobody cries alone in her presence? That is me. This can be a good quality, but it can also be very inconvenient.
I won’t say any more about all that I felt on this particular day, because I want this to be about God and never too much about me. This is when He steps into my story, so lovingly and beautifully, as He often does. I love writing out scripture every day and I follow a plan to do this. On this day, I was reading and writing out 1 Peter 3:8-12. I’m going to write it out for you below.
Finally, all of you be like-minded and sympathetic, love one another, and be compassionate and humble, not paying back evil for evil or insult for insult but, on the contrary, giving a blessing, since you were called for this, so that you may inherit a blessing. For the one who wants to love life and to see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit, and let him turn away from evil and do what is good. Let him seek peace and pursue it, because the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do what is evil.
(All of what is italicized is the scripture, and that bold print you see is where this passage quotes Psalm 34:12-16. Anytime you see bold print like this in the New Testament of the Bible, the writer is quoting from the Old Testament.)
Are you seeing all that I saw on this day about how my behavior and feelings were so wrong? It was like God was highlighting His word as I was reading it and writing it, and it stopped me in my tracks. I’m going to give you some points of what I learned as I studied that day, about what to do when disappointment strikes.
Pray and read the word of God.
Have a plan! For me on this particular day, I was reading from the scripture writing plan I copy into my journal each month. You can use an app for this or you can Google “topical scripture writing plans” and see what pops up. There is a lady whose blog I read that provides these each month, and each month is a different topic. May’s topic is “kindness”. Her name is Shannon Long, and her blog is Sweet Blessings. Just Google her and you’ll see it come to the screen.
Have sympathy for the people who hurt you.
One such way to do this and to be able to love them is to pray for them. I once had someone tell me that it is virtually impossible to be irritated with someone you’re praying for. When you’re really praying for that person, I believe that is true. Often times when I pray for someone I’m mad at or hurt by, the Holy Spirit nudges me to start praying for my own heart. And almost always, I find that there is something on my heart or in my mind that shouldn’t be, and immediately I confess it to the Lord and repent. True repentance brings about life transformation.
Don’t pay back evil for evil, but be a blessing.
This goes back to praying for someone. Don’t even tell them that you’re praying! Just pray and tell the Lord how they hurt you, and if they’re a believer that probably wasn’t their intention. It could be that they really were hurtful toward you, or it could be something you misinterpreted. I find the latter to true more often than not. This leads me to the next point.
Communicate.
Keep the lines of communication open. In a kind, loving and gentle way tell them that something they did or did not do hurt your heart. If you feel like they’re being partial in their behavior, be open and honest and tell them. Don’t do this when you’re in the throes of all your feelings. A beloved friend and mentor of mine told me years ago that all of our feelings and emotions are straight from the enemy, and I have seen that to be true in my life. Wait the situation out a day or two, and take that time to earnestly seek the Lord over what to say and how to handle things. I have learned the hard way that you never want to speak or act out of something you feel in that moment. I have spoken out of hurt and anger, and I have damaged some relationships by doing so.
Read what Paul wrote in Colossians 3:12-15.
Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ, to which you were also called in one body, rule your hearts. And be thankful.
My last point is one way that I try to live my life each and every day, as much as I’m able.
Seek peace and pursue it.
A dear older friend in the faith once told me that women are the emotional barometers of the home and of the work place. I wholeheartedly agree with this statement and have firsthand experience. Have you heard the saying, “If mama isn’t happy, nobody’s happy”? Our tones and our attitudes set the tone in so many situations, and when we are offensive or easily offended then others around us are as well.
When we put on all those things listed in the passage in Colossians, we are far less likely to hurt or “bite” with our words. We must be careful of our tone of voice, because as I often tell my sons, it’s not what you say but how you say it that matters. When we are actively spending time with the Lord each day, it’s easier to live like this. The word of God really is our instruction book for life, and everything we need is within the pages.
The Lord also showed me on this day that I must keep my eyes fixed on Him. For the rest of my life, people are going to let me down, even the ones I love most. It’s because we’re all human, and it is because we live in a fallen world. I myself will disappoint and let down the ones I most love, as well, and will continue to until the day Jesus calls me to His side. Even when people disappoint you and let you down, Jesus never will! He is perfect in all of His ways, and when we keep our eyes fixed on Him, we can have hope in Him.
I pray these words encourage you and bless you today, sweet sister.
About the Author
When Jennifer isn't focusing on her family of her husband and four (almost) grown sons, she is passionate about leading women to a deeper knowledge of and relationship with Jesus, through the reading of the Bible and through prayer. After years of serving in student ministry, the Lord pulled her out of that and planted her solidly in the women's ministry within her local church. She leads a small group on Wednesday nights, and together they study the word of God verse by verse, and book by book of the Bible. She loves to write, and you can find her sharing regularly on her blog, Overflowing With Thanksgiving. She also loves to sing and to help lead worship at her church, and will always be a choir girl at heart. You can find out more about her and her hobbies on her favorite social media outlet Instagram, as JenLloydGoodwin.