The Anatomy of the Hole in Your Soul {Love & Singleness}
What I'm about to tell you is a love story - of sorts. Maybe not the kind you're expecting, though.
Sometime in middle school, I became obsessed with love - falling in it, to be specific. I found a cute boy in my neighborhood to like, and from there I was introduced to the world of crushes and unrequited love. I started fantasizing about dating this random boy, holding his hand, going to dinner and movies with him. That particular interest was rather short-lived, as the boy in question was not at all interested in me. But although my interest in him eventually faded, my interest in love did not.
Over the next five years, I was either in a relationship, or I wished I was - I was never happy to be single. I pinned crazily to my wedding board on Pinterest, and whenever I watched a romantic movie or saw a happy couple in the hallway at school, I would feel an aching tug on my heart. I loved love, and I wanted it - badly. "It has to be real," I would think to myself, "if I'm feeling it this much."
At the same time, I was also starting to truly care about my relationship with God. But, I had issues trusting Him with my heart, especially when it came to my relationships.
What if His will for me was to never get married, and I would die alone?
Whenever I thought about surrendering everything to His will, I would come back to my love for love - one of the biggest things standing in the way of my relationship with God - and be filled with fear. What if God took this away from me?What if His will for me was to never get married, and I would die alone?
I didn't trust God with my heart because I thought He didn't approve of me; that He would somehow punish me by making me single forever. This fear kept me distant from God for a long, long time.
But, God unveiled my misconceptions on romance in the most unexpected of ways - by granting me exactly what I so desperately wanted: a relationship.
Above all, she loved her King
It was practically perfect in every way - a friendship that segued into a romance. Everyone said we were cute together, I had fun hanging out with him and getting to know him better, and, the way I saw it, we were going to be high school sweethearts and get married in the end. The happily-ever-after I had always dreamed of was right there in front of me.
But, as time went on I started feeling more and more dissatisfied. Not with the guy, or the relationship in itself - those were as close to my dreams as they could be. It was more of a restless feeling, a sneaking suspicion that maybe this idea of love I'd been chasing after for so long…wasn't enough for me.
Though this distressed me, and I tried to ignore it for as long as possible, I eventually realized that I couldn't avoid this feeling. It was more than a feeling - it was God telling me that this relationship wasn't going to happen anymore, and I reluctantly obeyed.
Out of my fairy tale, I finally turned to Scripture to find out the truth about God's plans for my life. With the blindfold of lovesickness finally off my eyes, I discovered some important truths about God and living for Him:
We were created by God and for God, and our purpose in life is to glorify Him.
Part of the reason I was so trapped in longing for love was because the world tells us the meaning of life is falling in love....finding "the one" and achieving the happily-ever-after. Almost every song on mainstream radio is either about the pursuit of sex or the pursuit of love, ad campaigns depict happy couples or families, and the wedding category on Pinterest displays pictures of beaming brides, all for the purpose of telling us that love is the only thing we need to get out of life. It's a lie.
The Bible, on the other hand, consistently shows us that God made us in His image and gave us a mission to glorify Him. From Genesis to Revelations, God has called people to follow Him - all for the purpose of displaying His glory through righteousness and surrendering to His will.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.
In Deuteronomy, God commanded us to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength." That is not meant to be an impossible feat.
If our purpose in life is to be in relationship with God and reflect His glory continually, a relationship with God should be awesome and life-giving! And, since our relationship with God is something that continues from earth into eternity, it is something that's actually better than anything earthly life has to offer.
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. -John 10:10
That's why us girls feel the pull of lovesickness so tangibly - we were created to love, even in the seasons that we are single. There are holes in our souls, because deep down, we desire to have a wonderful relationship with our Savior.
We were created to be in constant communication with Him - through prayer, walking on the path of righteousness through application of Scripture, accepting His love for us and living Him with every part of our existence. When you're in a thriving relationship with God, lovesickness becomes less consuming - I have recently experienced this…and it is awesome. God is in the business of changing hearts!
God's plan is always the best plan.
It is easy to stay on a path of craving love from boys. Believe me, this is a road I have walked many times, and it is hard to believe that God has something better for you! I have fought against Him so many times on this subject. In almost every relationship I've been in, I have gotten a pretty clear "Not yet!" signal from the Holy Spirit, which I dutifully ignored every single time.
Even though we are often drawn to the pleasures of this world, God set us apart to experience much more than what the world has to offer.
If you don't feel strong desires for the manifestation of the glory of God, it is not because you have drunk deeply and are satisfied. It is because you have nibbled so long at the table of the world. Your soul is stuffed with small things, and there is no room for the great. -John Piper
God has drastically changed my heart since obeying His initial call to singleness. I'm learning to not waste away my single years pining for a man to come sweep me off my feet. I've even become content with dedicating my entire life to singleness.
You may not know when Prince Charming will come, or if he'll come, but you have been set apart for eternity by the Lord of all creation. You have an awesome, joyous job to do as His image-bearer. No day is a waste of time, because God ordained each and every day that you walk on this earth, so you can glorify God wherever you are in life, single or not.
"See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is." -Ephesians 5:15-17
If you are in your single season and looking for new ways to glorify God and get your mind off of thinking about boys all the time, here are two suggestions:
Pinned thousands of times, this article is a must read for every single girl!
Pursue your talents. Love photography, music, writing, or (insert your talent/hobby here)? Although we should always do everything for the glory of God, being single is a great time to pursue your passions with a Godly purpose. Once you're married (and especially after having children), free time to pursue what you truly love decreases, because caring for your family becomes a significant part of your life.
"There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction." -1 Corinthians 7:34-35
Try new things and grow into your calling. For example, if you have a heart for missionary work abroad, it is much easier to do so when you're single. Or if you're called to serve closer to home, you can volunteer to lead a Bible class at your church, help out at a local shelter, or start a Christian blog (or contribute to Tirzah!). You are called to do something for the Lord and there is no better time than the present.
Pursue God. These precious single years are a romance in itself - a time for you to intimately get to know your God and who you are in Him. Start a Bible-reading plan, take on a new spiritual discipline like fasting, get up a few minutes earlier to pray before beginning the day, study the Gospels, devote yourself to praying for someone in your life - there are endless ways to get to know to the heart of Jesus!
I can promise you, as someone who used to be a slave to lovesickness, that Jesus can break every chain and set you free. And, as you grow closer to Him, the old things that held you captive will lose their grip on your heart. It is life-changing and soul-freeing, and you absolutely won't regret it.
And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. -John 8:32
There is nothing wrong about yearning for love and dreaming of happily-ever-after, but it's important to keep those dreams in perspective - fill that hole in your heart with the love of God, and in His time, He'll let the right man into your life.
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