5 Strategies for Dealing with Anger
We’re all feeling the stress of the current season. Whether it’s fear of the unknown, anxiety over things we can’t control, grieving the loss of plans and celebrations, or trying to navigate a new routine--many of us are wrestling with many different emotions.
And things only get messier when we bring other people into the picture. You may be getting used to constantly living in close quarters with your family. Your stressed coworkers might be getting snappy in their emails. Or maybe you’re frustrated with people sharing their opinions online.
Whatever your life looks like right now, one emotion you might be feeling is anger.
Anger isn’t actually bad on its own. Jesus himself got angry at the Pharisees and even the disciples on occassion. And remember that time he overturned the tables of the moneychangers in the temple? Anger is often a response to something that hurts us or that we feel passionate about, and it could actually help bring about change.
But we have to be careful to not let our anger control us. Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry and do not give the devil a foothold.” It goes on in verse 29 to say, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Here are 5 steps we can take to deal with our anger:
Don’t react in anger.
When someone says something or does something that makes me angry, I usually want to respond immediately. My blood boils, my face gets hot, and whether it’s online or face-to-face, my instinct is to send that anger right back before they know what hit them. But that’s not what we’re called to do as Christians.
James 1:19-20 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
Proverbs 29:11 says, “Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.”
Ouch! Anger clouds our judgement. So instead of immediately reacting, take time to calm down before you say or do anything you’ll probably regret. Depending on the situation, you can take a walk, seek God’s word on the issue, or bounce ideas off a trusted friend. Nine times out of 10, you’ll be glad you waited and you’ll be able to communicate your thoughts much better than you would have in the heat of the moment.
Show some grace.
Sometimes we’re so consumed with our anger that we don’t take time to consider the other person’s perspective.
Luke 6:37-38 says, “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”
So before you pass judgement on someone or assume that they meant something a certain way, put yourself in their shoes. Better yet, ask questions. Did they mean to hurt you with their words or was there just a misunderstanding? What about their family life or background might play into the situation? Do your best to understand where the other person is coming from. And remember to show the same grace that you would want someone to show you.
Respond with love (or don’t respond at all).
I don’t know about you, but once something gets me mad, I’m tempted to keep stoking the flame. It might be because I see an injustice that needs to be fixed or I want to be “right” in an argument. There are definitely times when we need to say something or stand up for ourselves or others. But we have to be wise in how we do it.
Proverbs 15:18 says, “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.”
We can choose to be people who stir up conflict for conflict’s sake or we can choose to be peacemakers who pick their battles. Ask yourself why you feel the need to jump in. Is it absolutely necessary? Do you really need to reply to that person’s tweet? Maybe you do need to say something to that coworker who overstepped. But we shouldn’t be quick to start a fight or engage in one.
Scripture also tells us to not use revenge as an excuse for responding in anger.
Romans 12:17-19 says, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
Matthew 5:39 says, “But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.”
Wisdom is knowing when to respond and when to stay silent.
Apologize and forgive when necessary.
This one can be so hard, especially if you were the one who was wronged in the first place. But if we do end up wounding others with our words because we reacted in anger, we have to be willing to lay down our pride and ask for forgiveness. Same goes for forgiving someone who hurt you.
Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
God has forgiven us for so much. Instead of reacting in anger when someone has hurt you, you can choose to not continue the cycle of hate. And as Christians, we can show God’s love by how we forgive and pray for those who have mistreated us (Luke 6:28).
Set boundaries.
This one is huge! Many times, we can avoid having to wrestle with our anger if we just choose to not put ourselves in certain situations. If that one person on Facebook always posts things that make you mad, unfollow them! Are you always getting in arguments with one particular family member? Maybe you agree to not talk about politics when you see each other. Know your triggers and your limits and set some healthy boundaries.
Proverbs 16:32 says, “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.”
Proverbs 22:24 says, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered.”
Be wise and practice self control by not putting yourself in the line of fire if you can help it. And take note of what makes you mad--your anger may be showing you areas of your life that you need to grow in, that need healing, or that God has called you to do His work in. Jesus says in Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” As someone who struggles a lot with anger, I know it’s easy to let our emotions control us. But may we be peacemakers who rest in the grace of God instead.
Think about what is making you angry right now. How can you choose to respond in love, instead of anger, to that person or that situation?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Abbie is a native Mississippian who now calls Nashville, TN home. She works as a writer for Ramsey Solutions and enjoys reading, traveling, laughing, and playing with her corgi, Eudora, in her spare time. You can find more of her writing at abbiewalker.com.