Many Christians around the world find themselves in a position where they have the desire for marriage, and for some reason or another, it hasn’t happened to them yet. Coming into this article, I’m not sure what your story is. I am not sure if you have been single for more years than you can count, just got out of a hard relationship, or are waiting for your best friend to notice that you are the one he should be dating. Either way, we can all agree that dating, especially Christian dating can be extra messy.

This may be because the Bible doesn’t say anything about dating. It talks plenty about marriage, but it doesn’t talk about who should make the first move, the proper texting etiquette, and the many other questions Christian women encounter. That is what today’s article is all about. We are talking about three steps that unmarried Christian women can take to be in a better position to date this year.

Check Your Expectations at the Door

I have heard from far too many Christian women’s mouths, including my own at times, that there are just no good men around. We look around at our churches, communities, college campuses, and for some reason or another, we can’t find any guy out there that we would actually want to date. However, I think that sometimes, as Christian women, we need to check our expectations at the door.

Now, I am not saying you shouldn’t have expectations at all or have specific qualities you are looking for in a mate. What I am saying, is that if you truly want a husband, you’re going to have to stop being so picky. And that is as simple as looking around at the people at your church and in your friend groups and being honest about whether you have written certain guys off too soon. Is there a legitimate reason you shouldn’t date that guy in your small group, other than the fact he isn’t what you considered to be your “dream man”? Maybe he isn’t as tall, or as funny, or as athletic, but maybe he really loves Jesus.

In 1 Samuel, God tells Samuel this when he is trying to find the next King of Israel.

“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”- 1 Samuel 16:7 ESV

This does not mean you shouldn’t date someone long term that you don’t find yourself attracted to. But, that does mean you don’t reject a date with a nice guy because he isn’t as “ripped” as you would like, or his eyes aren’t the color of the ocean as you’ve always imagined. That goes for a lot of other shallow things us girls tend to look at like the way he dresses or does his hair. Sometimes, it takes awhile and deep conversations for people to grow attracted to each other, and that’s ok. But, make sure that when you are complaining that all the good Christian men are already taken, you aren’t hindering your own self from finding one.

A good action step to take would be to write down 3-5 qualities that are absolute must-haves for someone you date. Focus on deeper personal characteristics that truly define who a person is, like that he is a man who fears the Lord and has a teachable Spirit or serves and loves others well. Then, stick to that list. That way you can weed out your superficial dating needs that we all have, and be open to going out with guys you may not have not have considered (or even rejected too quickly) earlier.

BE Where The SINGLE Men Are

If you truly are in a church, job, or community where there aren’t a lot of single men, then it’s time to move to our next step. Go where the men are. This does not mean you have to stop doing the activities you love in order to hunt down men in your spare time, but it is fair to assess, just to yourself, how many actual single guys you meet in a week or month’s time. If you don’t meet any, you need to change up your traffic patterns. This means putting yourself out there in situations where you are able to encounter more single men than you currently do. Here are some great ways to put yourself out there more:

• Go to another activity/event at a bigger church

• Try out different cafes in your city

• Sign up for an adult league at your gym

• Serve in a new area of your church

• Go to community events

• Check out an art gallery or museum

• Go see a concert or live theater

• Attend fellowship events you get invited to

• Find a singles group at a church in your area

• Take a cooking class

• Ask friends to set you up

• Dog parks

• New classes at the gym

• Bookstores

The list can go on and on. As a Christian woman, I know that many times I have fallen under the spell of thinking God will just give me my husband if I wait. Not that this doesn’t happen, but if all you do is go to work, come home, and then go to the same church with no eligible men every week, the only person showing up on your door step will be your Chinese food delivery guy on a Saturday night.

So, do a quick inventory of your life and see where you stand in terms of meeting new people. If you aren’t meeting anyone, don’t be afraid to change your traffic patterns (and grow your community and get of your comfort zone in the process - even if you don’t meet a guy doing any of these activities, you’re bound to make new friends!).

God’s Will Gives Us Freedom Not Hindrances

Now is the part of the article where we talk about God’s will and how terrified we all can be of messing it up. Over this past year, I have started and gone on dates through online dating apps. Before I started this, I was so afraid I was stepping outside of God’s will for me. Was I taking matters into my own hands? Did online dating mean I didn’t trust God to bring me, someone, right where I was?

In Genesis, we read the story of Abraham sending one of his most trusted servants to find a wife from among his people for his son Isaac. The faithful servant goes to drinking well in Abraham’s village and begins to pray for God to bring him the right woman. Right as he is praying, Rebekah, Isaac’s future wife walks up. I think as Christian women we sympathize with the faithful servant praying. We believe in our hearts that if we just pray hard enough, cry enough, and are pure enough God will reward us with a husband. But, in reality, we are more in the role of Rebekah. Yes, God does bring her a husband, but she still had to walk to the well.

Walking to the well has many different connotations in today’s culture. It can be as simple as not being so afraid to approach a group of guys after church, it might mean signing up and trying out online dating, it might be making eye contact when a man is talking to you.

Whatever it is, it doesn’t look like doing nothing. God is not a stagnant God. Yes, He has plans and purposes for our lives, but He also gives us free will for a reason. I think as Christians it is easy to think about God’s will like a clear straight line. But, in reality, it’s more like a spider’s web. There could be many different paths our lives can take at any given point. God lets us choose, and promises to be with us on whatever path we decide. And, if we don’t choose the path He considered best for us, He is still able to bring something beautiful out of any situation.

God choosing to give His people free will gives us the freedom to put ourselves out there a little bit and not fear the consequences. To drop the handkerchief so to speak. You have to show a guy that you are interested enough in him that you would respond favorably if he asks you on a date (because guys are just as afraid of rejection as we women are, if not more!). So, if you are serious about wanting to date, don’t be afraid to give those guys around you the encouragement they may need - a friendly smile and eye contact goes a long way!  

Ending Peptalk

I hope that the advice in this article can give you the courage to start making more of an effort in your dating life. God is not going to punish you for talking to the cute guy in your Bible study. Yes, sometimes Christian dating will make you want to toss your Bible in a suitcase nd join a convent but don’t let fear, doubt, and insecurity win in those moments. Don’t be afraid to embrace the amazing person God has created you to be and start putting yourself in a position to meet the potential great Christian guys around you. You can do this! Cheering you on every step of the way.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Rachel resides in Lancaster, Pa where she is a Digital Marketing Specialist. A recent graduate from Grove City College, Rachel hopes that her articles can help girls through hard times in college and also as they transition into the real world. In her spare time, you can find Rachel reading, hanging with her small group, exploring cute cafes, and longing for the ocean. You can find more of her writing at christiangirlcode.org.