“Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long? Turn, Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. Among the dead no one proclaims your name. Who praises you from the grave? I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. Away from me, all you who do evil, for the Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.” Psalm 6:2-9 

I don’t believe it’s possible to discuss the change of year and hope of rest and renewal without addressing the overwhelming amount of pain in the room. 

Pain from illness that took loved ones. Pain in protests and riots. Pain in politics. Pain in our lives. Pain in our relationships. 

I am weary with pain. And I know you are too. 

I didn’t know that my pain could intimately affect my rest. I thought my rest could be switched on, and I would watch my pain melt away as I unwound with Jesus. 

There was no switch. 

Instead, as this new year has begun, my rest became the moments where I could experience my pain and grief in their fullest capacity. 

It was the busy moments, I found myself seeking, as a refuge from my aching soul. But the busy moments exhausted and drained me. There seemed to be no mercy whether I was busy or at rest. 

My eyes fell across Psalm 6, and I found myself reflecting on the words of David.  Words that echoed similarly to my own.

”I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.” - Psalm 6:6 NIV

He was a warrior and a king. I read this psalm and wonder, was he in the middle of a war when he penned this? Or was he home in Jerusalem, attempting to rest- but like me, grappling with the pain in his heart? What resolution did he find to his pain?

“The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.” -Psalm 6:9 NIV

As I read this psalm, I wondered, what was the answer David received from the Lord? I believe we find a glimpse in Psalm 46.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. [...] He says, “Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:1, 10 

God is my refuge. Not my business, or my rest. My troubles, my darkness, my pain will follow me through both. But my God is already in both, and He is my strength and my shelter through this life. 

It’s okay for rest to hurt. Rest doesn’t always mean productivity. Rest means stopping, sitting, and talking it out with God. 

And maybe, as you start 2021, what you need the most isn’t a new planner or goal. Maybe, it’s time to sit and assess. Is there pain you’ve been running from? Have you been seeking refuge in the busyness of the new year or in your plans for renewal? 

Maybe 2021 is best started in silence, bringing everything before the Lord, setting it in front of Him, and laying your pain in His arms. 

What have you carried into 2021? Where do you need space to grieve? Where do you need space to heal? How can you seek the Lord in those moments? 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mia Grace loves sunflowers, words, old hardcover books, and fountain pens. She adores Jesus Christ, and seeks to listen and obey him in her life. Her life verse is Isaiah 52:7, and her prayer is for every girl to grasp the height, weight, depth, width, and power of Christ's love for them.