Pursuing Biblical Friendship
A few years ago, in a season of change, I found myself praying for friends. It was a strange prayer, since I’ve always had friends, and good friends at that. But I needed more than just someone who was on the same schedule as I was and more than someone I bump into at the coffee shop on campus. I needed women who would pray for me and hold me accountable,
We weren’t created to be alone. Early in Genesis we find that God creates heaven and earth, night and day, living creatures and vegetation, and it was all good! Then he creates man and while it was good, it was not good that he be alone. (Genesis 2:18).
In his book, The Company We Keep, author Jonathan Holmes reminds us that in our limited and sinful nature we cannot be a “community in ourselves the way God can be a community in Himself. Adam needed community to better image the God who is a community.”
That is why we need community; we need friendships that go deeper than small talk. We need friendships that bear the image of Christ here on earth. I don’t know about you, but oftentimes I leave the image bearing for the relationship between a husband and his wife, or the church and Christ, and while these in their own right mirror Jesus’s relentless pursuit of us, we could miss the opportunity to glorify God with our friendships.
In the book of Daniel we see two types of friendship. We begin in chapter 1 where we meet Daniel and his friends, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and see their obedience as they stick together (v.11-12). God had granted these men kindness, compassion, (v. 9) knowledge, understanding, and wisdom (v. 17). They were held in high places as they gave counsel to the king (v. 20). There was no doubt these men were in good company.
However, they needed more than good company if they were going to endure hardships. As the book of Daniel progresses, Daniel shares his upcoming meeting with the king and asks for their prayers in Daniel 2:17-18. As God shows Daniel favor in his relationship with King Nebuchadnessar, Daniel remembers his friends and suggests that the king appoint them as overseers of Babylon. And like Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego boldly go before the king and refuse to worship the gods Nebbuchadnezzar raises up. (Daniel 3:16-18)
Nebuchadnezzar did not have friends like Daniel’s. In fact, he was a completely different kind of man in his early reign. He acts out of his own will (Daniel 3:1) making decisions without seeking counsel. To make this even worse, he gains the Chaldeans’ support as their king (v.9) so his poor decisions are celebrated and encouraged by the people around him. In his folly he also acts out of anger (v.13). Many of these qualities are things we wouldn’t want to see in ourselves or in those we call friends.
Like Daniel, we need friends who will pray for us when we have important meetings coming up at work. We need fellowship and through Christ have a bond to stand by each other when life gets hard. Together we can help each other seek the Lord and His will. Biblical friendships are a blessing, but they also take work. In Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego’s example, these men loved the Lord and each other to the point of execution.
Thankfully, we see Nebuchadnezzar turn his heart to God after seeing how He protected Daniel’s friends from the fiery furnace. Their friendship reflected God so much so, that a man as proud and sinful as Nebuchadnezzar worships the Lord in chapter 4.
“King Nebuchadnezzar to all peoples, nations, and languages, that dwell in all the earth: Peace be multiplied to you! It has seemed good to me to show the signs and wonders that the Most High God has done for me. How great are his signs, how mighty his wonders! His kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and his dominion endures from generation to generation. - Daniel 4:1-4
Thankfully God has blessed me with friends of all ages with different giftings who have been able to walk alongside me through seasons of singleness, job change, marriage, illness, transitions, and the list goes on and on. I pray that if you have friends like these, you continue to put in the work to continue to cultivate these relationships. On the other hand, if you do not yet have these women in your life, I pray that you ask God to bless you with them. Maybe you need to invest a little more energy in a friendship that’s already developing, or maybe you need to put yourself out there and reach out to someone you don’t really know in order to begin building something. Whatever your situation, trust that the Lord knows your needs and will bring the right women to walk with you.
What are the hardest parts of pursuing biblical friendships? What blessings have you reaped from putting effort into these relationships?