My Inner Child
Poem Prologue
I wrote My Inner Child two years ago. Poetry is an outlet for my pain. Writing, although difficult, helps get pieces of my brain onto the page so that I have more clarity on my struggles. Little did I know that this is where I would continually meet with our God. Jehovah has used this poem as a place holder in my life. He has been whispering gently to me, “Darling, we are coming back to this place of pain and I will go through it with you.”
Two years ago I thought I had processed through the pain of my childhood, the hard places of abuse, and the loss of a father. Looking back, this poem is a snapshot of me standing on the precipice of my faith before taking the plunge into Jesus’ arms – and the conduit for this process? My unprocessed grief. What a journey!
This summer, Jehovah led me through a valley of the shadow of death where I faced deep pain and deep grief – and so far, in Abba’s grace, have come out the other end in His arms. When I reread My Inner Child, I see now that God wants us fully restored and reclaimed to Him. It is amazing how He does it and how He brings us back to our childlike hearts. This poem is an Ebenezer showing me that He cares deeply about us being fully integrated people with restored and passionate childlike hearts of flesh.
Jesus called a little one to his side and said to them, “Learn this well: Unless you dramatically change your way of thinking and become teachable, and learn about heaven’s kingdom realm with the wide-eyed wonder of a child, you will never be able to enter in.”
My Inner Child
Little girl, little girl
inside of me
who wishes to grow and
from all her pain flee
this little girl
always will I hold
in this thirty year old body
until I am old
some of her pain will resolve
some will remain
but her innocent childlikeness
has become her refrain
for it’s good to have dreams
and hopes like a child
that remind you of life
and its essence
that remind you to smile
but this child also carries
her heart deep inside
the mysteries it holds
where only God can abide
this place of deep thought
between sleep and awake
is where my dear Jesus
can make no mistake
he holds and he comforts me
with his sweet lullaby
he brings rest to my soul
and hears my heart’s cry
Jesus, dear Jesus
come into this place
where my life meets heaven
and floods me with grace
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Nathalie is a Mexican Belgian American immigrant from Mexico. Her mother, a Belgian immigrant, and Nathalie came to California when she was two and a half. She was raised by no earthly father, but rather, two strong women (her biological mother and a woman who later became both her guardian and God-given mother). Nathalie always felt like she’s straddled two worlds. In her heart,she never doubted God’s existence, but has been on a desperate search for the purpose of life and the meaning of hers. The last nine years has been a journey to fully understand Abba Father and experience how His unconditional love can transform her. Forever an intellect, Nathalie digs deep asking hard questions surrounding practical faith, Biblical principles, and the compassionate justice that Jesus modelled. Trained as a master of social work with a decade long experience mentoring and advocating for teenagers, the underdog, and the forgotten, she is passionate about shining hope into the darkest places of human existence. She lives at home with her guardian and cat, Lamar, in her hometown Ojai, CA.