Marriage is not a Fruit of the Spirit
I admire them so much for (insert what here). Maybe if I had that I would know the Lord’s blessing… So many times, we look at earthly things as Heavenly blessings. It’s true they are…The Bible says:
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of Heavenly lights…”
-James 1:17
The key word here is “good”. In the original Greek language, this word is “agathe”. It’s associated with virtue, benevolence, and goodness. When we understand what God’s definition is of good, we can understand why earthly titles or statuses can sound “good” but not necessarily be good.
We find another Scripture in Philippians 4:8 on what God says is “good”.
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
-Philippians 4:8
This reframed, for me, what I understood God was looking for and human desires. I went through a time and season where I left a ministry because I could see there were not a lot of things of “good” report or character. It came very confusing for me when, suddenly, after I left everyone started to get married. This left me wondering if I was part of the problem, but then I found something. Marriage or relationships are ordained by God and can/should be a “good” thing - but it doesn’t mean that the people themselves are “good”. We don’t know someone’s story and whether or not they are following God - until we observe the fruit of the “good” things in their life.
When I started training in Kentucky, I started meetings wonderful men that I connected with this year. We clicked and they were so kind. They had wedding bands and I quickly realized they were married to other men. This was another lesson for me on the concept of marriage. These men were very kind to me, but their marriage was not “good”. It was not kind, virtuous, benevolent, or pure - rather a desire to put one’s love above their care for God’s principle and those around them. It’s something I still wrestle with because I genuinely care for these men who I would love to see find Jesus and consider as people who have shown genuine care for children in hard circumstances.
This leads me out of the topic of marriage and into any title in life. Several years ago, I also realized there were women who looked at the titles and positions God gave me and experienced jealousy. I’m not going to lie to you - I love the titles God has given me. I love teaching our kiddos at church on Wednesday nights as a “teacher”. One of my favorite things on earth is standing in front of groups of people at different churches advocating for children who have no voice under the title “foster family liaison”. When I write and daydream for Tirzah, I love being the one who gets to help bring forth women’s ideas under the title “CEO”. Lastly, I love advocating for the protection of women as a “co-chair for prevention and awareness” on the Kentucky Human Trafficking Task Force. I’m not saying this to “brag” on titles or the things that I have in life. It’s saying we all have different gifts God has given us. That does NOT make them good things.
Can I tell you something very honestly? These gifts were given to me through the “good” works God gave me in life. When I get married someday, I want the marriage to be a result of the “good” gifts God has given me. That’s not the titles, the speaking, the role of wife, or the roles in life. It’s the refining of character and trusting in God while allowing Him to do the necessary work to make you ready for the roles He has in store for you.
The “good” or “agathe” for you is the roles God always intended you to be. It’s not someone else’s gift or calling. I have no doubt in my life that every role I have in life, at this moment, has been God-ordained - whether for a moment or a lifetime. Not because of the title, but because of the refining fire. As God says in James 1:
“My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”
James 1:2-4
Notice anything? Maybe the part that trials make us “perfect” - just like every good and “perfect” gift. When you, like me, want to look at someone’s current title or role and judge that they must be “good” or “perfect”, I encourage you to step back and take a deeper look at their story. Something can appear to be “good” - but actually be a good thing that makes someone appear “good”.
I’m grateful to say that some of the people with the most fruits of the Spirit and refined character has been as high as rock star level. I say this because I got to know them at a deeper level before deeming them “cool” for their title. In conversation, I found out about the refining process to get to the calling on their life. Rather than taking the easy route, they rejected roles because they were asked to compromise the Gospel. Their priorities were on their family and the body of Christ - not the large crowds that followed them. I saw the cross they bore - because of the title they have. Next time you meet someone and want to believe you did something wrong or want their title, get to know the story and hear of, hopefully, the good and refining fire God used to get them there.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self- control…”
-Galatians 5:22 - 23
Aspire to these, instead of titles, and focus on these gifts in people before deciding what is “good” and “perfect” in our own eyes.