Love Is Not Rude
1 Corinthians 13, verses 4 through 7, has always fascinated me. As a child, I saw it as yet another unattainable thing in the Bible. It was something that Christians were supposed to be, but also something I could never be. It felt overwhelming. As a youth, I started to understand that these were qualities of Christ, yet they still felt beyond my grasp. As a young adult who walked away from the Lord, I no longer cared what the Bible said about anything. Now, as an adult, I know that these qualities of love can be a part of my everyday life with Christ as my point of reference.
Jesus Christ is the embodiment of love in both its simplest and most complex forms. The simplest and most profound way He is love is that He sacrificed Himself for you and me. The most complex form is in the many ways He exhibited love and set the example of what love looks like in everyday life.
We are called to ask, “How can I show the love of Jesus today while living a life whose goal is to exhibit that love?”
When reading through 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 6, this list of qualities is amazing in that they all tie together yet each quality is distinct in and of itself. What is fascinating about verse 5 in this passage of scripture is how it differs depending on what translation you use. In the KJV (King James Version) it says that
“love doth not behave itself unseemly”.
In the NIV, it says,
“it does not dishonor others.”
In the NCV, it simply says that
“love is not rude.”
The translation that is closest to the Greek phrasing is found in the KJV:
love does not behave unseemingly, or inappropriately.
No matter what translation is used, we are not to behave in a way that is inappropriate or rude. It can also be summed up that we, as believers, are to have good manners. It means that we do not belittle others but instead, choose actions that lift others up. We choose actions that glorify instead of demean. We choose to act in a way that is inoffensive. In other words, we choose to behave well and value others by showing them respect.
William Barclay said, “Love does not behave gracelessly”. Sometimes we think that we are not being rude but instead, we are being truthful or honest. We stop being graceful when we think that what we have to say is “beneficial” to the other person. We do not act with grace but yet consider that we are somehow being gracious with others when we call our rudeness “honesty”.
Let me be honest for a moment here, I used to be called brutally honest and was proud of it. Since then, over the years, I have desired and worked on putting the emotional needs of others over my inclination to instruct them by pointing out their issues or flaws. I have had to ask God over and over again to help me be intentional with my words and actions. I have had to acknowledge that God gives me grace and patient instruction over and over again and I am called to be full of the grace He so generously gives me; and to show that grace to others in my behavior. I know I could not put others first and show them respect without the guidance of our Lord and Savior.
Are there ways in which he calls us to behave with grace? What does the Bible say about behaving appropriately? Are there specific examples in the Word where God has called us to honor others with our speech and actions?
One example of appropriate behavior and respect is found in the Old Testament, in Genesis 9. In it, Noah got drunk and was naked in his tent. His sons, Shem and Japeth, came to dress him without ever looking at his naked body. They honored their father with their behavior. As a result, Noah asks God to bless Shem. They behaved appropriately in this example. Could they have chastised Noah for his poor behavior? Sure. Could they have looked upon his naked form instead of choosing to be gracious? Sure. The fact is that they showed him love in their actions and were blessed because of it.
There are also numerous examples in the New Testament where God has talked about this form of love (behaving appropriately, with respect ) in his Word. One example is found in Romans 12.
Romans 12:2 says,
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing, you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect”
The first 11 chapters in Romans were all about how we need a saviour. Starting in chapter 12, we are instructed on how to live our lives as people who have received the salvation God promises. Verse 2 is part of how to live our lives as people who have received salvation through grace. Romans 12:2 emphasizes allowing the Holy Spirit to work in our hearts with practical application by understanding our need to be transformed, to look to God for what is acceptable, and seeking God’s will with discernment.
In Romans 12:2, we are called to renew and test our minds. When the Bible talks about testing, it is about understanding ourselves and seeing the work God is doing in us. The will of God is always good, acceptable, and perfect. Because God shows us grace, we are called to be gracious to each other, and to exhibit his acceptable will by accepting others right where they are in their lives and hearts, as Christ does for us.
1 Peter, likewise gives guidance to believers when it says in chapter 2 verse 17 to “honor everyone”. The word honor in the Bible means to “esteem, value, or show great respect”. When we esteem others, it is easier to be respectful and gracious. When we value others, it is easier to listen patiently and politely to their opinions and ideas. When we show respect to others, it is easier to be thoughtful and intentional in our own words and actions.
Philippians 2:3 tells us:
“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”
When we envy others, we tend to look for ways to bring them down and lift ourselves up. When we are conceited, we tend to value our opinions and actions over those of other people. This verse very clearly says not to live like that but instead, to be humble and to honor God and others before ourselves.
Matthew 18:7 says:
“Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!”
This verse was spoken by Jesus Christ himself. Here, He sets the standard for the lessons later spoken about in 1 Corinthians 13. Christ boldly states woe to him who offends! When we offend others, we are not behaving well, but instead, we are behaving inappropriately and dishonoring them. When we act out of envy, we tend to be more hurtful to others. When we offend others, it is because we think we are right, and they are wrong. We think they need our opinions while no longer valuing theirs.
To sum up, love has grace, and it is uplifting not degrading. It behaves in a way that is inoffensive and brings honor to those around. Love does not envy but is thankful for what they have and rejoices in the way that God has blessed others. Love esteems others with humility and spiritual joy, and understanding their eternal value. And through this all, we are called to view Christ as our point of reference.