How can we love better?

Loving others is work. Love is fun. Love is rewarding. Love is sacrifice. Still, what does love actually look like?

Misty Edwards has a song called “Arms Wide Open,” which gives a good depiction of love.

“I once believed that love was romance, just a chance
I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful
I once believed that love was a momentary bliss 
But love is more than this [. . .]
Love has to be more than sentiment 
More than selfishness and selfish gain
And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me [. . .]
Love’s definition, love’s definition was looking at me”

Jesus died for us and the sacrifice of His life was love. God is love (1 John 4:8 NIV). His love is unconditional. We as humans, will likely never be able to fathom the totality of what that means.

Our society has twisted and warped the definition of love. We harden our hearts to it because vulnerability is seen as weakness. We can even selfishly believe we are entitled to something in return for love. Instead of giving love to others, even if undeserving, we are taught about “self-love” and “living your best life.” Love becomes all about me and running through whoever tries to stop me, which is a vast difference from what 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tells us of love. 

“Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)

Growing up, it was often advised as a young Christian girl to replace the word ‘love’ from the above Scripture with the name of the boy you were interested in or in a relationship with. While it is important for your significant other to have these qualities, is it not just as important you display these qualities? I encourage you to perform some real reflection on your life and if you do not think your character can be described like the 1 Corinthians passage, pray and ask God to mold you to become more like Him, and then begin to consciously work on yourself.

Realistically, how can we love better? Gary Chapman gives instructions to this in his book, The 5 Love Languages. While his initial book discussed these love languages within a marriage, he now has several other books sharing how this philosophy can be put into practice in all relationships. He defines the 5 love languages as: 

1. Words of affirmation: Compliments, affirmations, kind words, and encouragement. Usually expressed through note writing or verbal communication.

2. Quality time: Uninterrupted or distracted interaction, one-on-one time, face-to-face conversation. Watching a movie together, taking a walk, having coffee together, going on trips.

3. Receiving gifts: Intentional gift-giving, on special occasions, and “just because.”

4. Acts of service: Action words like, “I can-” “I will-” “What else can I do"?” Often expressed through acts of kindness, accomplishing tasks on another’s to-do list, offering assistance.

5. Physical touch: Non-verbal actions of affection. This can be expressed through touch, hugs, pats, and in the space of marriage, physical intimacy

This is how we can look like love. Personally, I see each of these languages playing out in my own family and friends frequently: 

When my dad tells me he is proud of me. When my entire extended family gathers for a Sunday meal prepared by my grandparents, and then we spend time together, uninterrupted by the world via our cell phones. I see it when I visit my young nephews, and they run to the door saying, “Woo Woo!” with such joy to greet me. When my mom and I go on long walks discussing our day. When my boyfriend sweetly kisses the back of my hand. I see it buzzing right at the cusp of our Sunday service beginning at church. And when my friends, who live hundreds of miles away, and I get to spend a weekend together and hug each other for at least five minutes once getting off the plane. 

Investing in people is a show of your love for them, no matter how big or small. The five love languages are just examples of how we can do that. 

What are the greatest commandments in the Bible? Matthew 22:36-40 tells us the story of Jesus being asked this question, to which he responds;

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is: Love your neighbor as yourself.” - Matthew 22:37-40 NIV

So, how can we love better? By loving Jesus and loving others. Remember Jesus is love’s definition. Love others well, love like Jesus.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Whitney can be described by the opening lyrics of a few Tom Petty songs. She's a good girl who grew up in a small Indiana town who loves her mama, Jesus, and America too. She practices medicine as a physician assistant at an urgent care. Whitney is a music enthusiast and leads worship at her church. She has a heart for people, and wants to help young girls and women find their worth in Christ rather than what the world says of them. Whitney loves a good dad joke, the outdoors, spending time with family and friends, Southern manners, working on her fitness, attempting Pinterest crafts, and cheering on Indiana University basketball.