Life in the In-Between


Life in the In-Between

The in-between -- an awkward transition season between now and the next big thing -- is where we live a lot of our lives. Or maybe I just spend more time here than others. Last year I did missions work in Europe. Coming home in May, I was ready to jump into the next big thing the Lord asked me to do. But, He was not telling me what He wanted me to do. He was silent in almost every area of my life.

So I got a job and tried to find Jesus in books, people, and churches. I thought that if maybe I could run hard enough, look in the right direction, be around the right people, then maybe His presence would come back to me. I would not tell people this, but deep in my heart it was true. I was tired of serving God when I had not felt His presence in months -- even while I was doing missions. More than anything though, I felt hurt because it felt like He did not love me anymore. It was as if He had packed up His bags and left. I have always known Jesus to be close, but when my constant, best friend left with out a word, I was devastated. It was easier while I was living in a community that pushed me to run hard after Him and to not grow weary, but coming home to no community and no one checking daily to make sure I did not fall away, I grew tired and weary. I never doubted that God was real or that my past experiences were made up, because I know they were not. I was just frustrated and lonely. So I did my job and remained stuck in this pit.

Eventually I decided something had to change. I had to get back to my first love, even if it felt like He did not want me (He always wants you, even if you don’t feel it like I did). I had to take to fasting, knowing that my emotions must submit to what is true; and He is true. I discovered that my job was exactly what God had called me to right then and there. I saw that my focus on the “next big” thing was distracting myself from the gift of the everyday. If we live for the next exciting thing we will miss learning about ourselves and building our relationship with God.

Life is not meant to be lived on the mountain top but in the valley. I have seen that when I only seek the mountain top I become disillusioned and the daily routine becomes a bother. I want to live in the everyday with excitement and joy, expecting to know more about Jesus today than I did yesterday. I want to savor the little victories. I want to have passion and purpose in the everyday allowing me to glorify Jesus in all my actions.

I must remember that my faith is based on His grace and not my feelings.

S,o please do not give up! You might not feel Him or maybe you haven’t felt Him in a long time. He is still there. You are not alone in this.

But now, this is what the Lord says -- He who created you, Jacob, He who formed you Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” -Isaiah 43:1-2

So, if you find yourself in an in-between season, keep pushing, because there is power in pushing through the mundane things and being faithful where you are at. When the Lord is silent, know that it is not the end. The God who gives life to the dead is the God who wants to be with you today. Keep seeking Him -- it is worth it. After all, it is in these transition seasons that we are strengthened. I am not out of the wilderness yet, but know you have a friend there with you. You are not alone.

// photo by Heidi Lau