How To Be Single
“So, Becca, are you getting an MRS degree?” asked my uncle the Christmas after I graduated high school.
I was homeschooled grades K-12, but I had decided to take some time off so I could focus on family, missions, and other passions in my life.
I didn’t know what the MRS degree saying meant at first, and in case you’ve never heard it, I’ll explain: Mrs. degree. He was implying I’d skipped college to get married.
My uncle couldn’t know how much his words hurt. For one, it felt like he was saying that was the only purpose for my life. My mom has taught me since a young age that I was complete in Jesus Christ, whether or not I ever married. Two, I did want to get married. I had lists of qualities I wanted my future spouse to have, and I had pages and pages of daily prayers for him. And three, my uncle didn’t ask about my missions work, or the other things I was passionate about. Even though I wanted to get married, there was so much more I wanted to do for the Lord.
I believed in courtship and that there was one specific person out there for me, so if I ended up with the wrong one, or the guy I was supposed to marry ended up with the wrong one, then it would have huge repercussions. Basically, the world would get thrown off its axis. On the other hand, if I ended up with the one that was chosen for me, we would all live happily ever after.
The problem: the Bible doesn’t promise us that. What it does say is:
“So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better” 1 Corinthians 7:38, NIV.
So, if the Bible says that it’s better to stay single, it doesn’t make sense to assume that God intends all of us to get married. He intends for some of us to be single too!
One of the first things that shifted my thinking was a sermon I heard. It had been given a loooong time ago, and I happened to hear my sister listening to it on tape. But the words hit hard:
You Are A Reward To Somebody
If God created me and my family to be a blessing, then He didn’t want me with somebody who didn’t value me and my family, demeaning us and the way we had chosen to live, holy and set apart for God. The Bible says people are getting worse and worse in these days leading up to Jesus’ coming. And I’ve definitely seen evidence of that.
Now, I am a reward to somebody: I know deeply that I’m God’s gift to God. And you are too.
Be Single, Not Alone
God doesn’t want you to be alone. It was the first thing He said wasn’t good after He created the world.
Wait, wait, wait—I know what you’re thinking. God said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. He didn’t say anything about woman.
What? Girl, you think God cares more about a man than about you?
Now, I’m not saying we’ve got to go back to the way it was in the 1900s when women couldn’t live on their own.
But don’t be ashamed of living with your family longer than the world thinks you should. (Or, if that’s not an option, think about getting an apartment with a sister, cousin, or like-minded friend.) Remember 1 Peter 4:3-4:
“For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. They are surprised that you do not join them in their reckless, wild living, and they heap abuse on you.”
We are called to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, and living set apart from the world is something they don’t understand. Heck, even Christians don’t get it sometimes. (Remember the Mrs. degree story?)
Figure Out Your Dream
One problem with waiting for the perfect guy is you can end up putting your dreams on hold. But God created you in His image—and since God is bursting with dreams, plans, faith, and creativity—so are you.
I want you to get a notebook out. Write out anything and everything that pops into your head—anything you ever wanted to do.
Then ask God for stuff!
God wants us to come to Him and ask for stuff. (Check out John 14-16.). But in my life, I hardly asked him for anything I really wanted because I was so focused on praying for that one, chosen future husband to be the perfect man.
But there is a perfect man. He died on a cross for me, not Mr. Darcy.
You are the hands and feet of Christ: God is accomplishing His purposes on this earth through You.
For me, I love writing, baking, and adoption. I want to share who I am in Christ, and who God is. Whatever I do, I’m going to do for His glory, and He will work in all things for my good.
Adoption
I think of my mom as the most kick-butt woman on the face of the earth (along with my sisters, of course.) She’s adopted six times. My mom and my sister have also helped countless more families adopt.
Before we ever adopted as a family, my mom introduced me to foster care through a local TV show and taught me to pray for those kids who needed a family and God’s love.
My biggest dream ever since then? Adoption. As I have several adopted siblings, and I’ve worked in orphan care-related missions work, I’ve fanned that gift of God into flames. Someday, that’s a hope that I’m believing God will still accomplish for me. Many countries allow single women to adopt. If money is an issue, that’s understandable. Many domestic waiting child or foster care programs cost little to nothing. Don’t feel that you have to do that right away, but it’s something to consider and pray about.
As a single girl serving the Lord, I believe in the encouraging words of Isaiah 54. “Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband, says the Lord.” (verse 1) and “For your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” (verse 5)
The Bible says God is a father to the fatherless and defender of widows. I believe God will take care of any future kids I adopt, because I’m doing it according to His command to care for orphans and widows in their distress. (James 1:27 NIV )
So if you’re like me and having children is a dream and a desire of your heart, don’t think it’s off the table just because you’ve chosen to embrace singleness. Ask God for it.
You Do You
Enjoy your life.
Watch your favorite movies. Bake. Shop. Go on vacations. Create. Redecorate your space. Learn a new hobby or a new language. Start an Etsy store, or a Bonfire store benefiting your favorite charities (or families you know who are adoption fundraising!) Talk to your family. Have a chick flick or superhero movie marathons with your sisters or BFFs. Eat ice cream. Try something new. Start a business. Chill. Take sunrise or sunset walks. Volunteer for a charity that speaks to your heart. Or start one of your own.
Why Do I Think God Called Me To Singleness?
After hearing that sermon, I later had some conversations with my family that changed my heart. I thank God for my family, and that He saved me from a really crappy future.
The Bible actually talks about singleness as a good thing more than it talks about marriage as a good thing. Take a look at these passages from 1 Corinthians 7:
“I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.” (Verses 6-8 NIV)
“Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short.” (Verses 25-29 NIV)
“An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” (verses 34-35 NIV)
It took God working on my heart a lot, but I’m blessed to be single. Now, when people ask if I have a boyfriend, I don’t wait for the snide comments that are sure to come. I say, “I am a strong, independent woman and I do not need a man.”
God’s taken a girl who believed there was only one way for God’s promises for me to turn out—with a husband—and he’s shown me that He can accomplish any dream that’s in my heart, making every day an adventure with Him and my family by my side.
So my MRS degree? It’s actually a Jesus degree. And nothing can take that away from me.
That’s my future.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Becca Mahoney is a regular contributor to Screenrant.com. She holds a Creative Writing Specialization from Wesleyan University. She loves baking, Marvel movies, Star Wars, and Disney Channel, and pretty much writes about those things so people don’t have to listen to her talk about them for hours on end.