How God Led Me to Start A Home for Teenage Mothers Part 5
“Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God…” - 1 John 4:1
For those of you who haven’t been following along, this is Part 5 in a series about my journey to starting a home for teenage mothers. In Parts 1, 2, and 3 I discussed my family’s history and how it played a part in my journey. Part 4 was the introduction to how I journeyed through my first year of starting a non-profit. That’s the part where things get tricky.
Matthew Barnett is someone I aspire to be like one day. He started the LA Dream Center - an amazing Christ - centered non-profit that reaches thousands a year in Los Angeles. In one of his books, he said that the first year you break into something new for Christ is the year you will be tested the most. There are two perspectives you can take on life - seeing how the devil attacks you or learning how God is refining you through the trials. Everything Matthew said held true for my first year. God tested me in a James 1 type test.
I was blessed with the support system of the amazing guys that loved Jesus. However, there is the other side of things as well. When you are called into ministering to women, it can be harder to have female friendships. You have to be very strategic with boundaries between work/church ministry/mentorship and simply having friends. One of the things God taught me about was boundaries. In the workplace, male/female relationships, family, and friendships all have to be stewarded well.
At the time I started Tirzah Place, I had two support systems. The first support system was a group of young men on fire for Jesus. The other support system was a smaller one of varying beliefs with a young guy at the center of it. Like so many fiction stories, there were several real guys who spoke into my life more than any other. One was from the smaller support system. He was the dark, handsome type who would lower his voice and the waitress would give him her number. When I needed a break, I could call him and we’d go to the outdoor ice cream place for a walk. Sounds great, right?
I do not ever make a point of throwing people under the bus. God is a God of redemption. He is a God of mercy and wants all to come to repentance. However, we are all human and all need to seek to be closer to Him. For six months of starting my non-profit, I found myself walking a line. A line where I could have a distraction - a best friend who didn’t set healthy emotional boundaries and I did not either. The days I would get stressed, he would take me to a movie, out for ice cream, or come to our work day meetings while we were working on building a non-profit.
Let me tell you something ladies: guard your heart and set boundaries. I pray that you understand you have the right to set boundaries and know what you should look for in guys in general.
If God has called you to something, pursue it. God called me to start this home. He didn’t call me to singleness, but He also did not tell me to find people who would doubt my calling. What should have been a doubt for me is that a guy would constantly distract me from this calling and never point me back to Christ. If a guy is constantly offering you earthly solutions, he is NOT someone you need in your life at all.
I was surrounded by Godly guys. Yet, somehow, I missed that a man who said he believed in God never pointed me back to God’s Word - not one single time. He never encouraged me to put everything back in God’s arms. That was something he needed to learn and I needed to learn how to pick better friends and boundaries to put in place with guys.
That journey of continued contact lasted for six months (upon which the topic of being more than friends came up once or twice). I finally started to break the unhealthy boundaries and he would rope me back in saying “he needed me” in order to help him find God. If a man is telling you that he needs you, he needs Jesus. A healthy relationship is one that points to Christ being the need and at the center of everything. If I could prevent every girl from going through the hard relationships, I would. Maybe my story can inspire other girls to evaluate their relationships and set the hard boundaries.
This part is where the story may sound out there, but is absolutely true. Scriptures started being spoken over me, prophecies given that if I kept this man around, it would not end well. I could go into great detail, but there are many who would not believe all of them.
In May of 2019, I had my final conversation with this guy (on the phone when I knew I should not be talking to him anymore). That night I went to my friend’s Bible study. A man was there who occasionally came. He always said he was a prophet and I had heard him say things that were in line with Scripture (people have differing views on prophecy, but I would encourage you to go back to the Bible to research it for yourself if you have questions).
That night, this man who knew nothing of the situation looked at me and said I’d had a conversation with someone on my phone and I needed to block contact in every way with that man. He told me the man was not of God and would only bring me down due to the sin he was practicing. This man knew nothing about my friend. I stood right there and blocked the guy where he belonged - in my past and off all technology.
This may seem like a weird story to tell about starting a non-profit, but it is an example. An example of how important it is to have truly Godly relationships. Surround yourself with people who will hold you accountable to Christ. Find people like my ministry partner, who point you back to Christ. God can use you most effectively when your life is completely surrendered to Him.
The craziest part of the story? I found out later on the same day I blocked that guy was the day my non-profit officially got their government status. God wants you surrendered to Him before He gives you the bigger responsibilities.
Stay tuned for more on the first year and what it looks like to have healthy boundaries/Godly guy friends next month!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alycia Marie is a free-spirited wanderer and follower of Christ. She spends her days exploring around the city with the unique family that God has given her. At this time, she is currently working with non-profits and churches to tackle rebuilding families in the city of Milwaukee. In her free time, she plays with preschoolers, writes in coffee shops, and travels the world.