Finding God's Lens For Motherhood
“Having children is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park, to be precise.”
Before I had kids, this was a quote that I laughed at but didn’t really understand. Now, it’s something that I laugh at because it can feel so true. It doesn’t matter how many of your friends or family have kids before you and offer their advice and experiences to assist you on your own journey, there is truly nothing that can prepare you for what lies ahead. Much like the crew that John Hammond assembled in the first of this movie franchise - not a single one of them knew enough about dinosaurs despite all the books they’d read and bones they’d assessed to face them in real-time.
Don’t misunderstand me here though, I love being a Mum and my two kiddos are quite honestly a treasure and a ray of sunshine, but I was naive as I stepped into that brand new chapter of my life. I had in my mind the Proverbs 31 woman. I had an unattainable image in my head of what motherhood and being a wife would look like for me and it only took actually becoming a mother for that to dissipate and be replaced with other words from God instead.
The Proverbs 31 woman is a wonderful example of all the things that are possible with God in womanhood, but they are not all achievable in one hit. It was an unrealistic image to strive for, especially as a first-time and even a second-time mama. So instead, here are three different verses that are helping me in my mothering journey - helping me to put things in perspective, know that He is providing the tools that I need and using small moments to show me His grace.
“Love is patient; love is kind. Love isn’t envious, doesn’t boast, brag, or strut about. There’s no arrogance in love; it’s never rude, crude, or indecent—it’s not self-absorbed. Love isn’t easily upset. Love doesn’t tally wrongs or celebrate injustice; but truth—yes, truth—is love’s delight! Love puts up with anything and everything that comes along; it trusts, hopes, and endures no matter what.”- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The VOICE)
No doubt, you’ve read this collection of verses many times. You might have seen it printed on cards or heard it read out at wedding celebrations, but it wasn’t until I had kids and my entire world changed that a lot of this stood out differently for me. Having kids showed me how easily I used to fall into the ‘love is not’ statements.
Having kids teaches you patience like you’ve never known how to be patient before. Having kids impresses the constant need for daily kindness upon one's heart.
Having kids means that you now not only need to practice keeping your own envy and boasting under control, but you need to model it in a way that it teaches another little human who doesn’t know what those concepts are yet how to also manage it! And until you have kids you don’t really realise just how self-absorbed and arrogant of a human being you can truly be. Yes, it’s true! But trust me - I had no idea how wrapped up in my own world I was until that world didn’t revolve around my timetable, wants and needs anymore. It’s amazing how much having kids locks you into a different sort of life, but actually truly frees you from other things.
These verses also paint a picture of me as my Father’s child, too - He is truthful and puts up with anything that I throw at Him. He doesn’t get easily upset with me and He endures a lot of my hot mess in the process. This is how I need to be as a mother and every day I am reminded that it’s a new opportunity for grace, learning, hope, and endurance.
“Most of all, love each other steadily and unselfishly because love makes up for many faults.”-1 Peter 4:8 (The VOICE)
My husband is a social worker, focusing on caring for families who give homes to foster children. His job is tiring, often traumatic, and time-consuming - but it is also full of life, relationship and love. I have learned a lot from him as we share this parenting journey and this verse above is one I come back to because it’s something that resonates with him as well - love.
Children don’t need a lot of bells and whistles. They don’t need the latest iPad, pair of Nike sneakers or even the most expensive cot you can find. They need stability, attention, perseverance on your behalf as a carer and at the root of it all, love. This is ultimately the foundation of my husband’s job - to find people to love these kids that need it.
The first 6 months of a child’s life are beyond crucial to their development and this responsibility is quite daunting, but when I look at my motherhood journey through this lens of “love each other steadily and unselfishly” it settles my anxious spirit. Love. I can do that. You can do that. We can all do that. It doesn’t need to be flashy or fancy...and the love that a gurgling baby (even if they’ve kept you awake most of the night and vomited on your best jacket) gives you back is undeniably wonderful.
“Make the things I’m commanding you today part of who you are. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you’re sitting together in your home and when you’re walking together down the road. Make them the last thing you talk about before you go to bed and the first thing you talk about the next morning.”-Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (The VOICE)
These two verses are a challenge, but in a good way. They aren’t something that should make you feel bad if you don’t achieve what they say - they are something that should motivate you to simply get up and try again tomorrow. And if you look closely, there is no specific set of ‘how to’ instructions here either, so you can be as creative as you like! This is an incredible opportunity to model who Christ is, but also who we are as well. We aren’t perfect. We make mistakes and we need a huge amount of grace daily, but the fact that you can simply have a conversation about it with your kids is so freeing.
“Hey, guess what? Mummy shouldn’t have raised her voice like that, and I’m so sorry that I did - I was struggling with some of my big feelings but I’ve taken a breath to calm down and given my feelings to God. Can we try again?”
I can’t tell you how often I’ve said something along these lines as a mother! It can be as simple as this though. Admitting a mistake you’ve made or some feelings that you’re experiencing could open the door to awesome conversations about who God is, the love of Christ and our place in His kingdom. The more you do this as well, the more frequent they’ll become. You never know what you might learn from your kids, too! Sometimes they’re full of amazing wisdom for people so little.
So even though motherhood and parenting might feel like running away from Velociraptors and riding on the uneven backs of Stegosauruses through a dark forest a lot of the time, we can rest assured that God has actually given us directions to help us. Am I any closer to being a Proverbs 31 woman? Not any more than I was yesterday! But I still got up this morning knowing that His grace was already sufficient for me and my kids alike, so I simply gave it another go.
Sometimes we might need to stop though, take a breath and actually physically get down on our knees and ask for more guidance when our kids are pushing every button known to man - but I think at the end of the day we can all agree that if we work at looking at motherhood and our kids through the lens of His word, each moment will feel a little less like Jurassic Park and a little more like a playground.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I'm Hannah - mama to two littles and dipping my toes into my next right thing as I learn to navigate this chapter God has called me to. I generally hover in that space between consciousness and coffee as I try to take each day knowing I need grace to get through it. I'm a lover of good words, strong conversation, a well-worn thrift store and a doughy doughnut.