The Letter I Wish I Could Send to Younger Me
More than anything, I wish I could go back in time and leave myself a letter of warning. But every life experience can be a lesson to others, so that “we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:4).
So, here we are five years later, with enough courage to share the story that shaped my life. This story begins so simply a girl meets a boy and instant sparks fly. But one night everything changed. That night my guard was down and his words were smooth like honey. The first touch was innocent, a little lower on my back than I would have liked, but still respectful. The next touch, not so much. As he gripped my shoulders tightly, something about his demeanor set off warning bells.
Trying to not ruin what we had, I started to inch away, but his grip got tighter. The louder I got with my displeasure, the more forceful he became. That night, a chapter was added to my story that I wish to erase. One night of bad decisions lead to many sleepless nights, tears of anguish, pain, and regret. That night, I let the world wrap its hands around my heart and lead me astray. A night where I did not stay strong and let him put hands on me.
I can’t go back in time, so, instead of a letter to myself, I dedicate this letter to the young lady fighting, rebelling, and trying to survive.
Dear child of God,
Don’t go out. I warn you! Stay close to your friends, near your church group. The night calls but there are things lurking in the dark. That rebellious side you feel, that inner part of you that is seeking the world, that is the part you have to fight. It won’t be the people around you who will pressure you, but it will be the inner self that you will have to fight first. “But if one walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him” (John 11:10 NKJV).
Don’t accept the affection so easily. Stick with your girls; don’t allow the thought to grow that just a little alone time can’t be all that bad. The affection you want will not come from a man’s hug or his kind words. The sweet words you hear in your ear? Do not give in to that. It is his desire to get you alone. To lure you away from safety. Sometimes, you give an inch, they take a mile. Don’t give him the ability to steer you away. Say no! Avoid submission to a guy that isn’t your husband; it will only strengthen his grip around your waist, your neck. The instances can turn tragic, quickly.
His actions are not your fault. You are not to blame for what he did to you, but from someone who lived this out, I warn you: stay strong! Don’t give in - the temporary pleasure is not worth the cost. Protect your mind from thinking this is okay, that there is nothing wrong with a little worldly fun. You will carry the burden with you as you heal. Counting the scars nightly, as you start putting the pieces of your life back together. The pain lingers as you find yourself again. But you are strong, stronger than you think. He who is within you will help guide you through it, for He makes all things new.
My story had an ending only God could have written. At the edge of the cliff where my innocence was about to be taken, where my cries were not heard, in an instance he stopped. I can only describe it as the Power from above, as if something stronger than me or him put an end to it. Because of God and His protection I was able to walk away with bruises, nothing more.
“The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore” -Psalm 121:7-8
Child of God, you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). You are a fighter, but you are not fighting alone: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9-10). We have the power to withstand, to fight the battle. Whatever you are facing, the mountain that looms over you, God will help you through. Healing will come. Victory is found at the foot of the cross. It will take courage and strength, but our God will strengthen and help us, so we don’t have to be afraid (Isaiah 41:10).