What is love and how do we know if it is lasting?  I have asked myself this question throughout the course of my life.  Time and time again, I have been reminded what lasting love looks like by looking in God's Word.  In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV, I have been able to read, see, and feel what true love looks like.  It isn’t just some reading that is popular at weddings and it isn’t just some nice sounding script that looks good on a Pinterest plaque.  It is a description of who God is while also being a guidebook for how we are to love. While the first aspect of love in 1 Corinthians is being patient, the second characteristic of love is being kind, and listed right behind these is “love does not envy”.  

Love does not envy.  This one can be a challenge given our current culture.  There is a popular “reality”  TV show called ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’.  The Kardashians are the kind of people we are supposed to envy and want to be like.  They set standards of fashion and beauty for today’s culture.  Entertainment articles are written about who they are married to and what children they have.  What they have, we should want.   What they look like, we are supposed to emulate.  In spite of all they have and represent, they are not  what God calls us to be.  They have not been given the blessing of your life or beauty and should therefore, not be envied.  

When we envy, we want and desire what others have.  When we envy, we forget all that we have as believers.  We diminish the power of the cross and the love of God.  We diminish who we are as children of God and instead, ask who we are according to the world’s standards.  According to the world, we will never be enough or have enough.  According to the Word, Christ in us is everything and all we could ever want, need, hope, or dream.  

“A heart at peace gives life to the body but envy rots the bones.”- Proverbs 14:30 NIV

Those are some powerful words, “envy rots the bones.”  I think of envy as the downed tree in the wooded area in front of our house.  I don’t know how long the tree has been there but I know one thing:  that tree is rotted thoroughly.  One time, I decided to stand on it and my foot sank in the softness of what used to be a firm tree trunk and I lost my balance.  Envy does this to us.  What started off good ends up rotting and going bad.  Like the tree trunk. envy does not initially corrupt our souls, but instead, it breaks us down slowly, over time.  Envy does nothing less to us than to destroy what we were and turn us into something else, something weak, unsteady, and unstable.  While envy causes us to lose our balance,  being at peace with the Lord is a sure foundation.  

For many of us women, envy may start with being discontent about our appearance.  We may want and strive to look like popular models or stars, desiring their kind of beauty or grace.  We can buy hair and makeup products that make us feel better about ourselves but that only lasts as long as our hair looks good and our makeup covers up our physical flaws.  We may buy clothes that make us feel trendy or elegant but as soon as the clothes come off, we still view ourselves as inadequate or unappealing. 

The problem is that when we envy the beauty of others, we forget about the beauty that God has given to us.  We spend so much time, money, and effort on the temporary that we neglect the eternal.  While outwardly, we may temporarily feel beautiful, inside we can feel frustrated and ugly.  I know that I am not the only woman who has picked apart my face, hair, and body and wished that it was more like what is considered beautiful. 

In Galatians 5:19-20 NIV one of the deeds of the flesh is envy.  I thank God that he is continuing to do a good work in me and freeing my heart from sinful deeds such as envy.  Years ago, God reminded me of what I have and why I should not want anything more or less than what he has given me.  

When I was thinking that  my thighs were too big, God reminded me that he made my legs strong; legs that can walk the dog, legs that can stand in praise of him while singing in church, legs that can chase my nieces and nephews.  I used to think that my arms were too flabby but God reminded me that those same flabby arms are used to hug friends and family, embracing them as God embraces us to his bosom.  I used to think that my smile wasn't as beautiful as my sister’s straight and white teeth but God reminded me that my smile comes when I laugh and enjoy the company of others, it warms the hearts of others and helps my face glow with the love he has given me.  

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” -John 14:27 NIV

What glorious words!  Just as we know that envy will rot our hearts, we also know that peace gives us life.  Our peace is not temporary, like the things we chase in this world.  Our peace is the same peace that brought Christ to the Cross, knowing his sacrifice was an act of love and forgiveness for all of us.  The peace that Christ gives does not leave us troubled or afraid.  

When we envy, we become more troubled, constantly seeking things that will never make us feel complete.  Our minds get unsettled and distracted, causing our hearts and minds to be troubled, trying to figure out what we can do right to be liked or loved.  

Many times when we envy, we are afraid of being who we are, feeling that who we are is inadequate.  Maybe, like me, you were teased by others.  One nickname I had in high school was thunder thighs.  Seriously!  I was envious of the girls who could wear shorts without being teased.  I can honestly say that instead of being happy with myself and finding joy and  peace in the Lord, I allowed envy to take over; always wondering what others thought of me instead of looking at them as Christ calls us to view them, through the lens of his sacrifice and as a person bound for eternity.  

I have known people who have become so envious that nothing could make them happy.  They had closets full of clothes with the price tags still on them because they thought that buying new clothes would fill the void they felt.  Sometimes they even bought the clothes while shopping with friends because they wanted it to seem like they were better off financially than they were.  They went into debt trying to be included.  They did not have peace because of the envy in their heart.  The more they envied, the more they got, the more they got, the unhappier they were.  

“Do not let your heart envy, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord.  There is surely a future hope for you and your hope will not be cut off.”- Proverbs 23:17-18 NIV

In this verse, to fear the Lord means to submit to the Lord, out of wonder and awe of who he is.  We can not fully submit to the Lord if we are allowing envy in our hearts.  We instead submit ourselves to envy and all the frustration and unhappiness that comes with it.  We inevitably lose focus on the hope we have in the Lord.  We can not clearly see the glorious future of heaven while focusing all our efforts on the temporary day-to-day things that cloud our hearts and vision.  

Psalm 37:1-3 NIV tells us not to envy wrongdoers who “will fade like the grass” but instead to “trust in the Lord and do good.”

There is a reason why scripture warns about envy all throughout the Bible.  Envy is a sin that corrupts our hearts and steals our joy.  It corrodes our happiness and wonder for the things we have been given.  It takes away our trust in the Lord and places trust in the temporary and unfulfilling things of the world.  Envy hinders us from doing good because we are so caught up in ourselves and what we want that it makes it difficult to look around and see others in need and others who desire the peace that only God can give.  We know that peace and envy do not go hand in hand and that when we cease envying, we are able to see the beauty, firm foundation and substance of security we have in the Lord.   

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Andrea Buie grew up as a South Carolina girl who currently lives in Georgia but her heart is in Colorado. She lived in CO for 5 years and was able to work for a Christian worldview organization called Summit Ministries. Her marriage is an example of how it's great to wait for God's perfect timing. She didn't get married until she was 40 and has never regretted the wait since her husband is perfect for her. Together, they have a furbaby named Maya and they love to take her on walks at the park near their home in Atlanta.