How I Got Over My Parents’ Divorce

Divorce has become incredibly common, but no matter how prevalent, remember God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Yet, He will always take care of us – His beloved children.

My parents’ divorce was nasty, the marriage even nastier. It was full of fighting, emotional and physical abuse, and infidelity. As a young girl, I saw it all. After seeing it all, I carried it all with me, and it was a heavy load. To cut a long story short, I lived a destructive young adult life – partying, boys, drugs, and alcohol.

I was so resentful toward my parents. Why did they have to spoil everything?! Why couldn’t they just stay happily married?! After the anger came the “I could have done something to keep them together” and “why didn’t I behave better?” The blame game was endless. I became a bitter, cynical young woman who looked for security and love in men. I couldn’t not have a boyfriend! Obviously, nothing lasted, and every relationship just chipped away at my heart and soul until there was nothing left to take away. I had reached rock bottom.

At the right time, our faithful Savior came to my rescue.

He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. -Psalms 91:4

I was so exhausted of being angry. I needed God’s patience and love to heal the misery and brokenness of my childhood.

Here is how God helped me get over my parents’ divorce:

Empathy

The divorce hurt my parents just as much as it hurt me. I was so caught up in my own pain that I forgot my parents were also hurting. Maybe their pain was greater than mine. The Lord opened my heart and showed me a whole new dimension – everything is not always about you. Other people are in pain too. I realized how selfish and self-absorbed I had been. It was such a humbling experience, for only through humility can we hear God.

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. –1 Peter 5:6-7

Letting go

The past was excess baggage dragging me down. I carried the weight of my parents’ divorce for more than ten years! And mind you, time didn’t heal anything; it made the load a whole lot heavier. I know letting go is hard, but no one is asking you to do it alone. What is our Heavenly Father there for?

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. -Matthew 11:28-30

When I finally accepted that I couldn’t change my past, I found freedom.

Everyone deserves a second chance

Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth. -Isaiah 43:18-19.

We all make mistakes we wish we could undo or completely erase. Does God keep punishing us for our sins? Does He keep reminding us and throwing it in our face? No, “for God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved” (John 3:17). Forgive your parents as the Lord forgives you. Show them mercy as our Father shows us mercy. I know its easier said than done, but the Holy Spirit is with you and He will give you strength! 

Don't judge someone because they sin differently than you.

We tend to sit on our high horses and criticize our parents, especially when we're teenagers. Although I've never been married, I had a long list of “if my dad had done this and my mom done that, then that this divorce would never have happened.” I became judgmental and critical of my parents. I was so caught up in playing the victim, I couldn’t see my own flaw (Matthew 7:4). Remember the woman who committed adultery and everyone wanted to stone her to death (John 8:1-11)? I love how Jesus responded, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Divorce is not right, but that business is between God and your parents. Instead, pray for them.

The road to forgiveness is a long and challenging journey, but you are not alone. I was blessed to have a wise and godly friend who helped me through the years of pain and hurt. But please, carefully choose who you confide in because not all advice is good advice.

Despite the situation, I have grown close to both my parents, and they have become my best friends. I never ever imagined I could have such a relationship with them. Our God loves us, and He is faithful. Listen and be obedient to Him as He guides your heart out of the pain of divorce. The Lord is changing and healing your heart one day at a time.