As a teenager and into my early twenties, I really didn’t like the marriage set up painted by the church and the Bible. I am not even going to the topic of submission. That’s a topic for another day. No, I want to start with the basics: being a helper to a man. 

I remember someone telling me that when a woman gets married and steps into that helper role in her marriage, she also steps into the role of being a helper in her husband’s ministry and work. The speaker went on to outright say that the wife’s ministry and work - if she had either or both of those - should take “second place” as she prioritizes her time and attention to being a helper in the work God gives her husband to do. 

And y’all, I. Did. Not. Like. That. I think I ground my teeth and had to force myself to sit, seething in silence. Why should I give up what God gives me to do for a husband’s ministry to take priority? Why can’t he do that for my work and ministry? Why was his work or ministry more important? 

I vowed that was never going to be me. If I married, my marriage would be different.

Years later, I look back on that girl and think if she only knew….

If she only she knew the influence a wife has over her husband.

If she only knew God’s heart for marriage. 

If she only knew that being a helper is part of how she is made as a woman. 

If she only knew the strength found in becoming someone’s support and advocate.

If she only knew the power of a praying woman - that it not only moves the heart of God, but in turn, moves the hearts of men. 

But most of all, beyond knowledge, if she only had gone through the refining fire that takes a heart of stone - molded by pride, insecurity and the world - and turns it into a heart of flesh. Because I want you to understand: it is not about the Hebrew word study we’re about to do today. I read so many articles like this back then and would just scoff in anger - my mind was not moved by how other women tried to make being a helper sound like an honor. Because even the most sound theology has no power without a heart changed by God and devoted to His ways. Only God can change a heart from seeing something as derogatory to something honorable and desirable. 

With that note, here is today’s theology lesson: 

First, go read Genesis 2:18-25. We’re going to focus on Genesis 2:18 today, but you should read the entire passage to get the full context. 

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”  -Genesis 2:18

The word “helper” in Hebrew is “ezer.” In the Old Testament, this word was initially used in reference to the first woman created (Genesis 2:18). Then, in Exodus 18:4, Moses named his son Eliezer (meaning God my Help). After that, out of the total 21 occurrences in the Old Testament, 16 refer to God as the help. For example, in the Psalms, God is referred to as a helper of the victim, the fatherless, the needy and the afflicted (10:14, 72:12, 86:17). 

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. -Psalm 121:2

So, God created a man and a woman in His own image (Genesis 1:27). The man and woman were created differently, yet they also somehow fit together because in God’s eyes, He perceived it wasn’t good for man to be alone. This implies that the woman had something the man didn’t have, something God thought the man needed. Putting it all together, this means that one way a woman uniquely bears the image of God is by being a helper. 

Can you think of anyone else also called a Helper? 

But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. -John 14:26

The Greek word for Helper used here is “paraklétos,” meaning an advocate, intercessor, counselor, comforter and helper. It comes from the word pará, "from close-beside" and kaléō, "make a call" - properly, an advocate who makes the right judgment call because they are close enough to the situation. This term was used to describe a lawyer or an advocate. 

Let’s talk about what the Holy Spirit does exactly for us in order to be described as a “Helper”: 

• The Holy Spirit is sent in our Heavenly Father’s name, to teach us all things and remind us of what Jesus said (John 14:26). 

• He dwells with and in each one of us, and helps us in our weaknesses so that when we don’t know what to pray, He intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words (Rom. 8:26).

• The Spirit also interprets spiritual truths to those who are spiritual (1 Cor. 2:13).

• He is the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, of counsel and might, of knowledge and fear of the Lord (Is. 11:2). 

• The Holy Spirit guides us into all the truth for he does not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he declares to us the things that are to come, and in that, He always glorifies the Father (John 16:12-15). 

• Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (2 Cor. 3:17), and it is by the Spirit’s power that we can abound in hope, even in the hardest of circumstances (Rom. 15:13).  And that hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit given to us (Rom. 5:5). 

According to the Bible, this is the work of a Helper. Now, I’m not saying you should take the role of the ultimate Helper - the Holy Spirit - in your husband’s life - or in anyone’s life (because being a helper expands beyond just marriage). But I do want to take the liberty to draw from the Holy Spirit’s example of what it looks like to be a helper for us as women:

1.A helper is a woman who inspires you to remember what Jesus said

For she speaks with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue (Pr. 31:25). She doesn’t let anyone believe the lies the enemy or the world and instead speaks God’s promises over her people. 

2. She helps others in their weaknesses

For she does not call out a weakness or use it as an opportunity to tease or mock someone, but instead she steps in and prays in moments or seasons of weakness and hardship. When her friends and family don’t have words to pray, she becomes their prayer warrior, interceding heaven on their behalf. When their hands get tired, she holds up their arms to heaven until the battle is won. 

3. She walks in the Spirit so she is able to encourage others in their faith

For the Holy Spirit teaches her what she should say (Luke 12:12). 

4. A help meet is a counselor and an advocate

She stands up for the victims, the oppressed, the needy and the ones everyone else ignores. If she sees a need, she is quick to step in and help, even if it costs her greatly. 

And in her home, as a wife, she is so close to her husband and has such an intimate knowledge of his needs that she becomes his best sounding board and his most steadfast advocate. Because as a wife - as his helper - she has authority and standing before God to petition heaven on her husband’s behalf. Single friends? A praying wife begins praying even before she meets her husband because although she does not yet know him, God does, so He knows exactly in whose life to act because of your prayers!

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. -Proverbs 31:10-12

5. This is a woman who guides others in Truth because she is deeply rooted in His Word

She hears a word behind her saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when she should turn to the right or when to turn to the left. That is how she walks daily with her God and in that is her Light pointing others to Jesus too. Because in everything - in all that she is and does - she seeks to glorify her Father. 

6. Where a Godly helper is, there is freedom

You know those people who walk into a room and the atmosphere just feels lighter - like you can breathe easier and you no longer have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders? She is that for everyone she comes into contact with. And because of that, where she is, there is hope, no matter how hard the circumstances, for the peace of Christ rules in her heart (Col. 3:15). 

7. A helper loves like Jesus

For the love of God has been poured into her heart, so her love suffers long and is kind; she does not envy; she does not parade herself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek her own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

This is just a fraction of what it means to be a helper, modeled after the ultimate heavenly Helper, but I hope it gives you a glimpse of the beauty, influence, and responsibility that comes with being created to be a helper. 

But please don’t look at this as a to-do list, like you have to wake up tomorrow and live these things out one by one. You may have been created to be a helper, but it is the Holy Spirit that activates and cultivates these characteristics in us, for that is who He is. And this only comes from spending a lot of time in His presence, beholding God’s glory. You can’t reflect someone who you rarely spend time with one on one!

Although we fill a helper role in all areas of our lives, as we saw in Genesis, the place where that role is most fulfilled is in marriage. In Genesis 3:16, God told Eve that her desire would be for her husband, and he would rule over her. That word desire in Hebrew means a turn, determination of the will - as in the determination of your will is yielded to your husband so that his desires and he becomes more important to you than your own self. 

But although this part was a consequence of Eve’s sin, long before God turned her will towards her husband and had him rule over her in their marriage, He had already created her to be a help meet. And that helper part? That was all a pure reflection of God, untainted by sin. 

So, yes, if you marry, you turn the determination of your will towards your husband and yield to him. But long before then, remember the image of God you bear as a helper - it goes so much deeper than the negative connotation this world associates with women being called helpers. 

That girl I used to be? Take it from her: she never thought she was the helper kind of woman - I just didn’t think I had that gene. But when God took hold of my heart, bit by bit, He showed me who He created me to be - it was there all along and with His infinite grace He’s been cultivating this in me to bear fruit and prepare me for my own marriage one day.

So, ask the Spirit to teach you what it means to be a helper and give you opportunities to practice being a helper. I promise you, He will. 

It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. -John 6:63

And friends? Please be careful if you demean the role of being a helper, because the Bible has some serious warnings about hurting the Holy Spirit and the work the Spirit does in us. 1 Thessalonians 5:19 warns us to not quench or extinguish the Spirit and Ephesians 4:30 says not to grieve the Holy Spirit of God. If God takes the work of the Helper so seriously, what makes us think He won’t take the role of women as helpers just as seriously?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this! Drop a note in the comments? 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Yelena is the founder and editor in chief Tirzah. Yelena works as an attorney in tax and in her spare time, she is working on her first book for unmarried twenty-something women in extended waiting seasons and running Tirzah. She has a passion for pointing young women to Christ, and enjoys reading, writing, traveling, and spending time with her family.