They say something will go wrong at every wedding. For mine, though the wedding itself went well, the months leading up to it were weighted with difficulty. I had imagined a magical summer of stamped invitations, wedding DIY’s taking over the house, and weekend hikes with my husband-to-be. But as time passed, the summer leading up to my wedding was different than I imagined.

First, we almost didn’t have chairs for the ceremony thanks to all of the weddings that were moved to 2021 because of the pandemic. Finally, we were offered chairs if we were able to help with the delivery. Then my fiancé and I totaled my car when a deer bounded out of the woods and landed directly in front of us. While my fiancé and my family were supportive and sacrificially helped me run errands and borrow vehicles, my life felt like a logistical nightmare. Our weekends were no longer for wedding planning or hiking, but car shopping.

Always looming was the truth that at any moment if Covid levels reached new heights the state would shut down all gatherings. I could wake up the day before my wedding to find out that there would be no wedding. We already knew that none of my fiancé’s family from Canada could make it due to the pandemic. We didn’t know if our honeymoon plans would work out.

About two weeks before our big day our photographer broke her ankle. Then several family members and bridal party members were exposed to Covid– family that I couldn’t fathom not being there to witness my marriage.

A few days before the wedding the lady that was going to do my hair unexpectedly lost her grandmother, and her funeral was my wedding day. We scrambled to make a hair appointment and God kindly got me in, but it made the morning of the wedding crazy. Furthermore, the beautiful flower crown that had been custom made was for some reason not working. It wouldn’t sit right, it wouldn’t stay in my hair, and it didn’t look right. Unsure what to do and afraid to ruin my styled hair, we left the salon without it in place. But later there was no time to figure out how to make the flower crown work and the day continued without it gracing my head.

God was kind to me. We were able to find a hair appointment on such short notice. Our second photographer stepped in as our main photographer. We had chairs. Everything somehow got done without my car. The family members that were exposed to Covid all tested negative. The pandemic did not stop the wedding or our honeymoon plans. The weather was even perfect for an outdoor ceremony. But even though most of the problems were resolved or didn’t turn into problems, it would have been easy to let everything eat me away inside. It would have been easy to be bitter and mad at God. I had waited so long to get married, waited for so long to even let myself think that I could get married, didn’t I deserve something better? How much more potential disaster could I take?

I admit tears and anger and believing that God owed me a perfect wedding. But praise God those feelings didn’t last long. In His kindness, the Holy Spirit quickly revealed to me my sin and helped me work toward the right attitude. Christ has given me everything in Himself so much so that despite all circumstances, though tears and sorrow and disappointment and struggle are often necessary in this difficult life, this joy must spill and gush from me as I serve Him. Through Christ I should have joy and peace that cannot be contained, that cannot be thwarted by a few months of my life that did not go as I had hoped.

See, I had this modeled for me. First in my savior Himself as He was brutally crucified for my own wickedness. He didn’t think about the glory and honor that He was owed, but of sinful me. He humbled Himself even to death on a cross. “…who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:6-8, ESV).  

My friend also modeled humbleness and joy when the pandemic completely changed her wedding day. Six months before my own wedding day, I stood next to my dear friend as she said her vows in an almost empty church. Various external circumstances required an extremely limited guest list that included the bridal party and the exclusion of both the special rehearsal dinner party and the reception. The groom’s entire family in Canada was unable to come. The months before I witnessed her from afar making plans and having to cancel them, making a guest list, shrinking it, then shrinking it again. If anyone had a right to be angry and bitter, it would be my friend. But she was not. She was disappointed and sad. But she had her eyes first on her Savior and then on her groom, who she would get to marry even if it was only the two of them and the pastor. She never complained. She never lashed out in anger. And as I held her bouquet of flowers for her so she could hold her groom’s hand, knowing my own wedding was coming, I told myself that with God’s help I would be like her on my wedding day. I would smile no matter what came, even if we were quickly married surrounded by limited friends and family.

When I think back on my wedding day, I do remember what went wrong, consider what I would do differently now, wish the flower crown could have been in my hair like I had always dreamed, and am saddened by extended family that could not come because of closed borders.

But that is not what I truly remember.

I remember my friend and bridesmaid practicing my make-up look and she and her husband making me laugh so hard I cried. I remember not knowing how to transform the arch into what I pictured in my head, and my sister taking over the project and decorating it in the exact way I had hoped. I remember how my church family sacrificed so much time and energy to help with our wedding. I remember getting ready with my bridesmaids and my mom and my grandmother and a few special friends.

I remember the special words my sister said to me before walking outside for the ceremony. I remember crying with joy as my new husband and I came walking down the aisle. I will forever remember the sweet few moments my husband shared right after the ceremony alone just having been proclaimed husband and wife. Mostly I think of God’s faithfulness to me my entire life, including that glorious day when I got to marry the best man in the world.

Let those little moments full of light and joy be what you focus on and remember on your wedding day. And this posture, this attitude of joy starts before the sun rises on your wedding day and begins wherever you are right now in your wedding planning journey. Whether you just got engaged, you are in the trenches of wedding planning, or are already married and can only remember what went wrong— remember what the Lord has done for you, remember my friend who radiated with joy despite all that was taken from her, remember the wonderful man God has given you.

Remember that Jesus emptied Himself. Jesus humbled himself. Jesus took on the role of servant despite being the Son of God. As followers and imitators of Jesus, let us be humble servants on our wedding days and every day of our lives.