The process of reconciliation and the importance of forgiveness

      I knew I had done something wrong, but I didn’t want to deal with it. I refused to tackle my own dark heart and admit that I had some major heart issues. My day was filled with endless to-do lists and chores and there was no time for reconciliation and deep heart work. I did not stop my work and reflect on my actions. In fact, I didn’t even go to Jesus. Instead, I just kept plowing through my work on my desk. As time went on, I became restless and agitated, and I knew something was wrong. I remembered that I had just yelled at my sister in the car earlier that day and said unkind words to her. I got up from my desk and found out that my sister was very upset with me. She wouldn’t talk to me, and she isolated herself in her room. I talked to my dad about my actions, but I didn’t feel that bad. I thought that this conflict and hurt feelings would quickly blow over and there was no need to apologize or worry. Early the next morning, she left the house and didn’t say a word to me or my dad. She was clearly mad and very hurt. After talking with my dad, we both concluded that we were too hard on her. We said unkind words to her, and she felt so much pain that she left the house. She told me later that she “felt pushed out.” During my talk with my dad, I broke down and started to cry. He reminded me that I am her sister and that she has had a rough year. He also reminded me that I need to be careful with my words. As her sister, my job is to always try to uplift her, even when things get tense and my feelings get hurt. He said, “If you don’t say it in a loving way, then it should not be said at all.” My dad was absolutely correct and set me straight with the Truth of God’s Word. The Bible states, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare” (New Living Translation - Proverbs 15:1). Paul says in Ephesians, “Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them” (New Living Translation - Ephesians 4:29).               

      During the car ride, my sister had hurt my feelings but that didn’t give me the right to respond in an unkind way. I let my anger consume me. I was agitated and upset before I got in the car with my sister, and because I refused to deal with my heart issues, I could not control my emotions in the car. I was so upset and agitated that I didn’t even think about the Bible verse that states, “Don’t repay evil for evil” (New Living Translation - 1 Peter 3:9). In reality, we were both probably a little irritable, but I should have tried to be a peacemaker and one who “deflected anger” (New Living Translation - Proverbs 15:1).  In other words, I should have responded to her in a kind, gentle way even though I wasn’t having the best day. The Bible says, “God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God” (New Living Translation - Matthew 5:9). 

      After I talked with my dad, the guilt and shame poured into my heart. I finally had realized what I had done and how badly I hurt my sister’s heart. I replayed the unkind words I said to her in my mind over and over again. I could no longer escape or ignore the pain I caused because I now was feeling that same pain in my own heart. The pain became unbearable and it started to seriously impact my health and well-being. I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t stop crying. As a result, I locked myself in my room day and night and waited for the pain to stop. During this time, I cried out to God over and over again but it seemed like He wasn’t listening. It seemed like the hours became darker and darker and nothing could stop this. I had hit a new low in my life, rock bottom, and I could no longer trust myself and my dark heart. The darkness in the world seemed as dark as the darkness in my own heart and this scared me. This kind of deep darkness was a new concept to me, and I wasn’t sure how to successfully navigate through it. I felt lost and helpless and that I was the worst person on the planet. Thankfully, this was when Jesus entered my story and reached into the deepest depths of my heart. He wasn’t afraid of my dark heart and reminded me of two hymns. I do not know the titles of the hymns but the themes were, “He saves” and “grace upon grace.” He put those hymns and sweet melodies in my heart to remind me that I desperately needed Him. 

      In order to move forward and restore my relationship with my sister, I needed to accept His grace, love and mercy. I was reminded of what He did on the cross and that He took away all of my sin (1 Peter 2:24, Ephesians 1:7, Romans 6:23, Romans 5:8). He was the perfect sacrifice and because of this, I am redeemed and free from hell (praise God!). When I started singing those hymns in my heart, I felt the chains break in my heart and the darkness disappeared. His light and glory shined into my dark, sad and aching heart. It was like opening a window in a completely dark room. After singing and meditating on those hymns and God’s Word, I knew that I could get through this dark chapter in my life and that Jesus could restore my relationship with my sister. He gave me the hope I needed to keep going and fight for the unity of my family. My pain and heartache (i.e., the pain I had caused) allowed me to clearly see the correct path forward because it made my heart more sensitive to His Word. He showed me during this hard time that He still saves, and that He is the only One who can take His children out of dark places (2 Corinthians 12:9, Ephesians 2:8-9, Isaiah 43:2). 

      After this time of spiritual encouragement, all I wanted to do was to make things right. I talked to my sister and apologized and thankfully, she forgave me. My heart was full of gratitude and thanksgiving. I was grateful for God’s light that shone into my heart, and I was thankful for my sister’s gift of forgiveness. The burdens were slowly coming off my shoulders, and I knew that Jesus had already won this battle (Deuteronomy 20:4, 1 Corinthians 15:57). Lastly, I was reminded that Jesus is merciful and compassionate because He didn’t leave me in my darkness and encouraged me in my day of distress. Friend, no matter how dark the darkness seems around you, always remember that Jesus still saves and has “overcome the world” (New Living Translation - John 16:33). When life gets messy and you don’t know what to do or what to say, always start with God’s Word. You will never regret opening up your heart to Him and letting Him fill your heart completely. Jesus can be your safe place of refuge and welcomes all “who are weary and carry heavy burdens” (New Living Translation - Matthew 11:28). He is the only One who can take away your burdens and in exchange, give you rest (Matthew 11:28). He is always willing to give mercy, grace and love to His children in need.  

About the author: My name is Allie and I am twenty-seven years old. I am from Knoxville, Tennessee, and currently, I still live in Knoxville, Tennessee (GO VOLS!). I graduated from Lee University in 2020, and since then, I have spent most of my time in the workforce. One of my professional goals right now is to start my own business, and I enjoy making watercolor paintings and designs! In my spare time, I also work on my calligraphy skills with fun pens and markers. Additionally, I like to travel and spend time in local coffee shops (pumpkin spice lattes are my favorite!).