One thing that makes me uncomfortable and kind of breaks my heart is seeing girls trying too hard. The first person that comes to mind for me is Christina Aguilera, especially some of her looks on The Voice. Don't get me wrong - she's insanely talented and has a beautiful voice, but her looks just have way too much going on!

Back to the un-celeb filled reality though - you know what kind of girl I'm talking about - that girl at the party who is wearing a skirt that is much too short and too tight, a top that is a tad bit too revealing and heels that she can barely walk in. She's also probably wearing quite a bit of makeup, her hair is perfectly coiffed and probably filled in with extensions. Sometimes, she's also the one who laughs to loudly, is a bit clingy and is desperately trying to get some guys attention (to learn more about her and what not to do as a set apart young woman, check out our devotional study on the Proverbs 7 woman!).

Other times though, it's the average girl - she's confident, beautiful and has an incredible social life, but the way she dresses is all about getting attention. I've been that girl a few times and so have many of my friends. In fact, it's the norm for young women today - dresses run too short and it's all about the cleavage.

So that's what makes me uncomfortable - seeing photos on Facebook of these lovely young women dressed in too tight clothes. Or even actresses on TV, especially reality television! I'm not judging...I've been there too. There have been quite a few moments in a fitting room when I'd try on a dress, skirt, or top and it would fit like a second skin and, if it was a day I was confident in my body, I quite liked how I looked in that dress. It made me feel feminine, sexy even.

It just bothers me that this is the norm for young women today. That we resort to putting our bodies on display - to get attention, recognition and admiration - from both men and women. It's how too many of us validate our social standing and personal worth. How do I look in this dress? How do I look in those Facebook photos from my friend's birthday party? How do I look in my bathing suit at the pool?

Looks drive our society. They motivate us to do irrational things like food disorders, tanning, diet pills, cutting or even suicide. I know so many girls that try so hard to maintain their body just for the purpose to look good in clothes or in a bikini. And the excuses for this norm include: "It makes me feel sexy," "I work hard for this body, might as well show it off," "Everyone else does it," "It's the only way guys notice me," "It's not THAT tight/revealing," or "God doesn't say anything about tight clothes."

The thing is - there is nothing wrong with wanting to look pretty or appreciating your body. It's part of being a woman. It gets ugly though when it becomes too important - when we place our self-worth into our looks. When we try to get people's attention using our bodies and looks.

Contrary to that last excuse, the Bible does talk about how a woman should dress. It's not a checklist though, as many people demand it should be. Instead, it's a bit more sacred - it has to be discovered with a humble heart and an open mind to truly have an impact. So, here is how I talk myself out of these excuses:

• "It makes me feel sexy." Unless you're in the bedroom with just your husband, I don't think sexy should be any young woman's goal when she gets dressed. Especially not for young, single, Christian girls. The point of sexy is to awaken lust in the opposite gender. And there are multiple warnings against the sin of lust in the Bible! For example, I John 2:16  warns: "For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world." So how do you prevent lust? Galatians 5:16 says "I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh." This includes dressing in a manner that won't arise lust in others around you. Now, an extension of this excuse is that we can't control what other people lust over, I mean, I can't help it if that guy is turned in my maxi dresses which are generally very modest. But, I disagree, as the above verse says, if you walk in the Spirit, He will guide in making sure that your looks are not arising lust in others. Besides, even as women, we know when something is attractive to a guy. One one level, it's an instinct - the physical signs of attraction and lust that you can spot even across a room. And on a different level, the media does an excellent job of portraying what's sexy in music videos, TV, movies and even newscasts.
• "I work hard for this body, might as well show it off." Yes, the Bible says that our bodies are a temple of God and temples are meant to be beautiful and appreciated, but it goes back to what it's appreciated for. Although logic says most women would prefer to be appreciated for their brains, accomplishments or talents, society still too often dictates that looks are even more important - as long as you're pretty, it doesn't matter what grades you get, job you have or even if you solve world peace. It seems silly written like that, but how many teen girls secretly (or not so secretly, even) strive for that? Luke 12:23 says, "Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing." Plus, where in Proverbs 31, when God describes a virtuous woman, does it say anything about appreciating her body? He writes that strength and honor are her clothes.. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." No, you should not be ashamed of your body, but its not what you should be known for. 
• "Everyone else does it." Oh, the excuse that "covers" a multitude of sins! In Matthew 7:13, Jesus says, “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it." The many that Jesus refers to? It's those same people who are allowed to do everything and anything. And in response to those people, Jesus says in Luke 13:24: “Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I say to you, will seek to enter and will not be able."
• "It's the only way guys notice me." Trust me when I say this - you don't want those kinds of guys to notice you (by the way, here is what guys really think about modesty). Beauty fades and a relationship based on looks hardly ever lasts a lifetime, and in the time that it does last, it becomes an intense hardship to bear! Your beauty should be found in your strength and your heart. 1 Peter 3 says: "Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror."
• "It's not THAT tight/revealing." This one goes back to excuse number one. If the Holy Spirit fills you, or even basic human decency, you do know when it's too much!
• "God doesn't say anything about tight clothes." The above verses are just a small fraction of what the Bible says about appearances, especially for women. If you're truly seeking God's opinion on your clothes and appearance and you do so with a humble and obedient heart, then He will show you how a Godly woman should dress.
• "I do it for myself - it's not about guys or attracting attention, but what makes me happy." As a child of God, my body is not my own. Instead, my body was created to glorify God. As such, the way I dress my body should also glorify God. I need to do what makes God happy, not me. Because my joy stems from him, not my clothing choices or my body. It's about putting God's commandments above my own desires. And I'll be honest friends - that can be one of the most humbling, incredibly difficult things to do. But with God, it is possible.

So, the next time you're getting dressed or simply trying something on in the fitting room, consult with the Holy Spirit. Remember some of these verses and ask yourself, can I stand before God in this outfit or will I hide in shame and try to cover myself from His gaze? Your body is sacred and belongs to the King of Kings first and your husband second. Treasure it and treat it as such.

What do you think? Do you ever fall into this trap of dressing for attention or finding your self-worth in appearances?

// image by Roksolana Zasiadko