“But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction.  And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed.  And in their greed they will exploit you with false words.  Their condemnation from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep.” - 2 Peter 2:1 - 3

In Part 3, you read about my amazing mentor and best friend who shepherded me so much in how to be a wife and mother.  She taught me how to burn ships and build bridges in so many ways.  This section of my journey in leadership has perhaps been one of the most challenging.  One where instead of being encouraged by pastors and church leaders and peers, I was frowned upon and continued to be.  It’s everybody’s favorite topic - female roles in the church.

I want to start by building a bridge (finding common ground or bringing honor), however.  That is ensuring that I lift up some of the male pastors in my life who have taught me so many leadership skills.  If it hadn’t been for one young pastor who gave me the stage, I wouldn’t have nearly half the confidence I do to stand in front of a crowd.  When I started my own non-profit, he let me talk about it on his platform.  He continued to show up and give me a voice when I believe many women’s voices do feel silenced in the time of the “me too” movement.“

“I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet…” - 1 Timothy 2:12 NIV

Ladies, I want to burn a ship (to get rid of an idea or bond that may not be rooted in truth) that has been present in many lives.  Women are allowed to speak and they do have a voice.  If we were to follow the way some people utilize Scripture to silence women, we would have male pastors teaching women about women’s issues at church because women “should be silent”.  This is not ok.  I personally had to burn the ship and forgive many men in the church I grew up in who treated women as secondhand citizens.  However, I want to speak to something else.

We have a problem in today’s society.  My problem as I delved into ministry ended up being frequently silenced for believing I shouldn’t assert authority over men.  In reality, this is not a black-and-white issue.  It is a complex issue that requires discernment - especially if you want to be a leader in the church.  When Paul wrote this Scripture in 1 Timothy 2 NIV, it had nothing to do with generations upon generations of people.  Let me tell you about something I learned about growing up with parents who went to Bible School together and from my own experience in Bible school

I learned about something important - context.  Ladies, when Paul was telling women to be silent - it was not to silence their voices.  It was because there were a bunch of busybodies running around gossiping.  

Def. of CONTEXT: Circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea, and in terms of which it can be fully understood and assessed.

We need to look at our context today when making decisions in regards to minstry as women.  This article is showing you how the Bible didn’t have a black or white answer for me being in ministry.  However, Paul’s advice could teach me to have my own DISCERNMENT (ability to listen to the Holy Spirit and judge well).  This is some context for you on why I chose not to be a single, woman pastor.

One of the largest church denominations in the world is trying to pay to have women become pastors.  I worked with a Christian company who wanted to change their name to fit in with the popular “feminist groups”.  On a monthly basis, I talk to girls who wonder why there are no men leading (in the communities I exist in).  In a group I was a part of, I was highly encouraged to be a leader - but I didn’t see the men being encouraged to be a spiritual leader.  Throughout my years of experiencing this, it discouraged me for the young men around me.  It helped mold the footsteps I chose in ministry.

When I started a home for teen moms, I started it with a vision of many women leading - single and married.  They would be serving others and have a place of not only living out their faith, but having a role to teach other younger women. 

When I joined Tirzah Ministries way back at the beginning with Yelena, I did it because the vision was so aligned with what I believed society needed.  We needed women who were both strong and courageous.  They didn’t stay locked in their houses only serving their husband and children (as I had observed in quite a few churches) nor did they rule over everything and everyone (these are the two things that were being observed by many girls who grew up in the church community in my time). 
Please let me elaborate there are amazing women as mentioned in Part 3 who are neither of these extremes.  However, I have found them to be rare jewels rather than the majority.  I wanted to see a group of spiritually strong women (these rare jewels) who served their husbands and children, but also fulfilled their purpose and served their community.  It was a crazy dream - but it meant going all the way back to God’s original design - Genesis.

“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him.”  - Genesis 2:18

Ladies, we were called to be helpers.  We were called to be like Mandy - who teaches alongside her husband.  She found a husband worthy to stand beside - whom she could be a helper too.  My mom, as well, never stood on the sidelines either.  She went to Bible school alongside her husband (even though they were in their early 20s with a kid already).  Then, she served the community and taught about Jesus while my dad paid the bills. 

Let’s burn the ships together stating we need to rule or that we need to weaken who we are in order to fit into a box.  Build a bridge instead to see how you can encourage and build the men around you, while leading in a place that uplifts both men and women.  

To conclude, I want to share one of my recent favorite stories of context with you.  It is the story of Katarina von Buren.  She and some women were nuns and they heard of a courageous man named Martin Luther.  They petitioned him when they realized that being a strong Christian did not mean locking yourself away as a nun or priest or committing to a life of singleness.  Martin Luther helped rescue them and had no plans to marry.  However, Katarina had such a strong spirit that the only person who fit her was Martin Luther himself. 

This changed an entire culture because a nun and a priest looked around them and saw the context.  They did what was best for their genders and their faith. 

This is what society needs - a generation of young women of noble character, rooted in God’s Word, fruitful in good works, and faithful in all things.  I share this story because as I’ve explained how I made my decision (and hope this informs you on how to make Godly decisions - not to simply accept mine as truth), I saw so many parallels to Martin & Katarina’s spiritual and personal decisions and today’s society.  We need both Godly men and women who are willing to go back to God’s original design and build healthy, strong marriages, families, and kids. 

I encourage you to read the Word, talk to wise Godly counsel, and look at the current church climate in your community, and the current worldly climate - then decide what role God has placed you in both as a female and a human for such a time as this.

Stay tuned for my latest ramblings on leadership, burning ships, and building bridges in Part 5, where we delve more into conflicts of gender roles in a modern Christian world...

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Alycia Marie is a free-spirited wanderer learning to find roots. She currently resides in Milwaukee and serves the community of southeastern Wisconsin. You can typically find her outdoors, as long as it’s warm, hanging out with family/close friends, and meeting soon-to-not-be strangers. In her spare time, she writes, drinks chai tea, and builds non-profits, homes, families, and people. Some people like to call it missions. She prefers well-digging.