To All The Men I’ve Loved
“The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.”
- 1 Tim. 5:1-2
To the first man, the one who held me in his arms when he was only an 18 year old. The young man who I watched grow because of our closeness in age. Thank you for loving me and taking me with you while you worked and served. Some of my fondest memories are seeing the houses you helped build, taking a college class together, and learning how to start non - profits. Thank you for protecting, providing, loving Jesus, and loving my mom.
To the first “boyfriend” - we were such kids - 12 years old and way too young. Thank you for the memories. Some of my fondest childhood memories are you “daring” me to ride the scariest roller coaster ride at Six Flags, beating me in checkers, and the hours of air hockey. We were babies and I’m grateful for the innocence of childlike love.
To the pastor who challenged me to lead. The first man to tell me I should speak on stages and proceeded to give them to me. Thank you for challenging me to use my voice - for giving me your stages. We have our challenges, but you pushed me to become who I am today. Allowing me to teach leadership classes with you, pray on stages, and paying for me to attend leadership conferences were some of the greatest gifts I received - even if I wasn’t sure about the opportunities and not always willing to take them
To the men who danced with me - there were quite a few of you who challenged me to embrace my love of dancing. I’ll never forget the young man I barely knew who promised me a birthday bachata dance. You showed up - with a Bluetooth speaker and two friends in the middle of a town square at night. My friends and I will never forget your midnight bachata lesson. The man who took me salsa dancing and watched out for me. We never saw each other again after those two nights dancing, but I had the best time! Of course, I will never forget the two men who continue to dance by my side.
To the two young men who dance with me continually - thank you for being present in my life. Thank you for inviting me to your dance events and allowing me to be a part of your world. I’ll never forget our late night drives, praying together, and learning about life. Thank you for letting me into the deepest parts of your lives and knowing I believe in you. Thank you for the gifts, the rides together, and the travels around the country.
To the man who lives far away - but continues to impact my life. Your dreams inspire me. When I think something is impossible, you tell me it is impossible. Your love for Jesus is contagious and leads others to him. Thank you for messaging me while setting up stages around the world and always remembering to call me when you have exciting news. Most of all, thank you for believing in dreams I thought were impossible.
To the man who let me walk away - and then walked away. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for doing what I could not do. There were times that I will never forget and I learned to worship Jesus in a way I never could have without you. Your presence left scars, as I’m sure mine did as well. Thank you for breaking us out of a cycle that needed to end. Let’s treasure the memories and not look back.
To the pastor who believes in the impossible - and gave me faith when I needed a fresh start. Your faith inspires me. Your doubt baffles me. I have days where I just cannot believe that we started praying the same month of the same year for the pro - life movement and that we got to be in the same room on the same day when it was overturned. Thank you for believing in the best for my future, the best for the people I love, and the best for your church. I have truly never had a pastor who so willingly met me exactly where I was at and was willing to partner with me for dreams in a movement and a community.
To the man who said yes - thank you. I spent years working in all female jobs and all female worlds. Never in my life did I imagine God would ask me to ask a man into the middle of this world. Thank you for saying yes to being teased, bossed, and bullied by lots of young women. All of that really means that we all value your presence. Thank you for encouraging me in my friendships, in our friendship, and continuing to persevere when you could so easily walk away from the constant drama that is growing girls.
To the man who so badly wanted to be in my life - I’m flattered. I was so honored by your love and the way you cared about me. Thank you for being willing to be in my world and to have fun adventures. My heart for God could not match your heart and where you were, but I’m so honored. The memories of all the fun and adventures we. had will be remembered fondly.
To the man who feels as if he’s always been in my life - I’ll always be there. You have been my “twin” brother with our closeness in age. Every day I am still amazed how you showed up and took the stage - became the head cheerleader of two girls with a dream. I’ve always prayed for you and always will. We did it - grew together. That’s how I know our friendship will last. Your hunger and desire to become the man God wants you to be has yet to die. Watching you become a husband has been incredible. Watching you become a dad is an adventure I’m currently watching unfold. Whether you become the next greatest rapper, the next greatest CEO, or simply the next greatest husband/dad - you’re going to do great at it.
To the man who left a memory - you will never be forgotten. You had the toughest exterior and the nickname of “Grumpy” instead of Grampy. I remember our last conversation. We both knew it would be our last - somehow we knew. You told me how proud you were of me and how every dream I’d started would come true. I remember our car buying adventures, you always drove tons of miles to visit the cities I grew up in - even when you’d rather be in the country, and the time you drove your constable car for several hours in an ice storm so I could see my grandma. You showed me how far a man will go for the family he chose.
To the rockstar who left an impact - your presence as a man of God inspires me. Your desire to open your doors to so many young people when you couldn’t tour inspired me. Seeing your passion for the things of God is inspiring. So many love seeing you on the stage around the world. I’m inspired by the father, husband, and man of God that you are. Your character in the private moments - within the family and church - shine so bright. Your testimony inspires. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of those quiet moments.
To the man I marry - where are you (just kidding)? I’m completely kidding, but know you will be loved. You will be loved because of all these men. I’m grateful for all of them because they gave me the courage to love you. You won’t have to doubt your presence or my love - because they taught me to love. Also, you’ll be my first - my first kiss, first marriage, and first of so many more. The only person I raise kids with and do life together every single day with for the rest of my life. Yes, I write for a living and have had a surprisingly public life for an introvert. However, you will be mine. Mine to cherish and we’ll decide together what we want out of life and how much we want others to know. You’ll be the one I choose to spend all my time with and be the first phone call for ALL my life.
And to all the girls - you matter. Don’t wait to talk to a man until you marry one. Every man matters. My marriage & family will be blessed, and potentially face some difficulties, because of the men I knew & know. Your marriage & family will be blessed, and potentially face some difficulties, because of the words women spoke over your husband. “Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.” (1 Tim. 5:1-2). Your voice matters to men - whether you know it or not. Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Cherish every relationship - whether male or female - that God gives you.