Happily Ever Before: Finding Happiness in Singleness
Little girls often play house, innocently imagining themselves being married and having children. Later, those same little girls grow up to be young women who start dreaming of their wedding day, the white picket fence, and the fairytale, “happily EVER after.”
Something I find interesting is that the definition of the word “ever” means: at all times; always. Yet, somehow, we tend to believe “happily ever after” exists only AFTER we get married. We put too much of our focus on “after” and not “ever.” I want to change that narrative for single women and allow them to see and believe there is such a thing as happily ever before!
Marriage isn’t a precursor to happiness. My husband and I have been married for 24 years. While our marriage is a blessing and a beautiful unity of two people, it has also come with struggle. To say otherwise would be a lie. Even 1 Corinthians 7:28 says, “those who marry will face many troubles in this life.”
Although my husband and I have many common interests now and did when we were dating, we were two different people who grew up in two very different homes. We had our own ways of doing things, our own likes, and our own dislikes. As much as two people may love each other, you can’t take those same two people with all of their differences, join them together in marriage, and expect they’re just going to magically have “happily ever after.” I’m sorry to say, it just doesn’t work that way.
Over the years you will grow and change as you learn to navigate life’s journey together, but there will be seasons it will not be without struggle. Now, I am in no way trying to discourage you from marriage when the person and time is right. But I do want to encourage you to grow in your faith, stand firm in your identity in Christ, and encourage you to know that you are whole, in Christ alone. You need to invest in who you are in Christ before you invest in another person.
“I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD.” -Hosea 2:19-20
I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to know who you are in Christ and have a firm foundation in Him before you get married. Otherwise, your identity and happiness can quickly become entwined in looking for affirmations and happiness in your spouse. Sure, can you and your spouse know happiness together? Of course! But our goal in life shouldn’t be to find a spouse to bring us true happiness--that kind of happiness only comes from Christ alone and would be too much of a burden for your spouse to carry.
When you rely on your spouse as your sole source of happiness and contentment, you are inevitably setting them up to fail. A human being can’t solve all of your problems all of the time. God is the only one who is able to take on that load, and we are very blessed that He loves us enough to be willing to do so!
Let me leave you with some thoughts to take away and help you walk in your “Happily Ever Before”.
You are a whole person, in Christ, not in a husband. Another person does not, and will never, complete you.
Be content. If you can’t be happy single, you will not be happy married. You’ll always be searching for the next best thing to make you happy. But godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Timothy 6:6).
Do not base your happiness on situations or people. Those two things are always guaranteed to change. Instead, base your happiness on the One who never changes. Even when the world fails you, God’s works are good and He will never fail. Be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion” (Philippians 1:6).
Live with purpose and intention. God has a plan for your life. If and when that involves a husband, God will reveal your purpose together as a married couple. But, until then, you have a unique and special calling all on your own--live it! For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10).
Friends, I believe in you! But more importantly, JESUS believes in you. Not in the “you, as long as you have a husband,” but you in all of the beautiful and unique ways that He created you. Remember:
“For your Maker is your husband--the Lord Almighty is his name...” -Isaiah 54:5
In Him, they all lived Happily Ever Before!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jaime Roever is a published writer, public speaker, ordained minister, and justice seeker that has a love to minister to women of all ages. She is a communicator at heart and is passionate about sharing the word and it’s practical truths that apply to real everyday life and how God will meet you there. Jaime lives in Texas with her husband Matt, and she is a mom to two sons. Jaime is Cooper certified as a physical trainer and is a self defense instructor, providing women with the tools to live their best life. She also works with the Special Victims Unit for the San Antonio Police Department as an advocate for victims of domestic violence.