Gospel-Centered Singleness
Singleness. That word can feel heavy. Talking about singleness evokes many emotions and opinions. Sometimes this world looks at singleness as some sort of rare and life-strangling disease that can only be cured by excessive dating. I cannot tell you how many times I’m told statements like “any new man in your life?” or “have you tried putting yourself out there?” or “you’re just too picky!”. These statements place a painful burden on singles that make us feel we are missing out on something and even worse, feelings as if God is holding out on us. I know the temptation to doubt God’s promises is dangerously entrapping, but singleness is not a problem to be fixed, but a blessing to be cherished.
To be loved by anyone, especially a husband, we must first know what love is, what it looks like, what it feels like, and how to freely surrender to it. Love must first be fully embraced and surrendered to before we can begin to extend it to a spouse or anyone else. A Christian marriage is intended to portray Christ and His Church to the world. Remarkably, as singles, we have the same exact purpose and privilege. Godly marriage should not be our end goal, godliness should be.
Nothing affects our calling more than where we allow our identity to be rooted. A relationship status attempts to be one of the richest soils of our self-worth and value, but it quickly becomes shifting sand. We buy into the lie that our identity is only validated when “single” no longer describes us. We are tempted to believe the length of our singleness is a direct reflection of our identity. If we attempt to be supported by this shifting sand, we will end up striving for love and attention from a guy or struggling to fix our flaws that are the perceived cause of our singleness.
The good news is the gospel! If worth can be defined as what someone is willing to pay for an item, your worth exceeds the highest price because Jesus gave His life for you. The price Jesus paid on the cross establishes my worth. Because my worth is found at the cross, I can enter into a relationship with the Living God. It is only through my relationship with Jesus that I can rest in my identity and do what He has called me to.
This is gospel-centered singleness: Knowing you are loved and loving others to Jesus.
1 Corinthians 13, “the love chapter” displays God's love for us in Jesus and describes what I believe to be the call, not for marriages, but for each and every woman of God. This passage is often quoted in weddings, romantic movies, and Hallmark cards but when we really dive into the original meaning of this text, we come face to face with one of the most compelling truths in the Bible: God’s love is the greatest reality we can ever know.
When it comes to love, our English language uses one word with many different meanings. We say we love iced caramel americanos with the same word as we say we love our family and friends. But God’s love here is the word agape, which is the sacrificial, unconditional, divine love. Looking deeper at God's explanation of what agape really means, we need to be reminded the true context of this passage is not to be read in reference to marriage, but written specifically for the Church.
Paul was writing a rebuke to a dysfunctional church in Corinth for their abuse of the spiritual gifts. Typically, this understanding is often ignored. Consequently, I wonder if most Christians have pondered the deeper meaning of this passage. Have we heard this Scripture so often we no longer think about what the words mean? If we ignore the context of this chapter, we are in danger of missing its major impact. This passage is intended to show us how Jesus loves.
Can you come up with an accurate definition of love? It’s not an easy task. No matter how we define love, our definition always seems to be lacking. We may have trouble defining it, explaining it, and as singles, even finding it, but we know deep down inside we need it. In 1 Corinthians 13, the Apostle Paul wrote one of the most famous descriptions of love. Notice he does not give a dictionary definition but instead, a description of love displayed. The love Paul describes the following values: giving over getting, commitment over feelings, and eternal over temporal.
-Love Gives
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
Love is so valuable that apart from it, every other good thing is useless. Sometimes, we make the great mistake of letting go of what is best for something else that is good, but not the best.
Pause and reflect on your spiritual gifts and your ministry in the local church. Do you serve out of a sense of obligation? Do you serve because of the satisfaction you derive from ministry? Do you do what you do out of genuine love for His people? Have you ever been tempted to use your “good deeds” in an attempt to unlock God’s favor so He might bless you with a husband?
-Love Commits
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.
Paul uses verbs in all of his descriptions of love because love is active. It’s not just words. True love is always demonstrated by action. These verbs are in the present, continual tense, meaning this love is something God does over and over again for us. It’s not a one-time thing, but a lifestyle of love.
Love is patient and kind. As singles, we automatically think we’ve been patient enough waiting for our future husbands, but true patience is long-suffering, not quickly irritated, and bitter toward even God. Love will endure a long time. Love doesn’t have a short fuse. It doesn’t lose its temper easily or loses patience with people. Love is kind. Kindness means withholding what harms as well as give what heals. Love is kind but tough. If God doesn’t give you a spouse, can you still believe He is good and loving, and this “no” is His kindest possible answer to that request?
Love is not jealous. Love does not brag. Jealousy or envy implies being displeased with the success of others, even and especially those women in our lives who “get” the boy before us. It accomplishes nothing, except hurt. Love does not resent others when they are promoted or blessed in marriage. Love does not brag or parade itself. The more loving you become, the less boasting you need to do because you know all of the gifts have been graciously given by God. Bragging simply demonstrates our insecurity and spiritual immaturity. Love gives because it loves to give, not out of praise it can get from showing off. Love is not puffed up. Love does not behave rudely. These are simply rooted in pride. This arrogance refers to grasping for power or praise. God calls us to serve others and be gracious toward them, not using people to push themselves into the spotlight to be seen by Prince Charming. Love is not blunt. Love is gracious.
Love does not seek its own. Love is the very antithesis of insisting upon one’s own rights. Love is not possessive, demanding, stubborn, or dominating. Love is willing to defer to others. Love gives preference to one another (Romans 12:10), considers the interests of others (Philippians 2:4), and submitting to one another (Ephesians 5:21-22). Like Jesus, we are to be others-centered, not self-centered.
Love is not provoked. Love is not given to emotional outbursts, is not exasperated by petty annoyances, and refuses to let someone get under their skin.
Love thinks no evil. Love does not take into account a wrong suffered. Love doesn’t keep a ledger of evil deeds, doesn’t hang on to reminders of wrongs. Love will put away the hurts of the past instead of clinging to them.
Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness. Love takes no joy in evil of any kind. Love is righteous. It takes no malicious pleasure when it hears of other’s sins or mistakes. Love wants the best for others and rejoices in the truth. Truth and love go together. Love welcomes truth; it never resists it. Love is pure.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things…
This love survives and stands the test of time and tribulations. Does this describe the love you’re seeking after? More importantly, does this describe the love you’re sharing? Is your life characterized by a fearlessness and freedom to love other people? Will others, including your husband, know Christ by your love?
Love denies herself, sacrifices herself, that she may win victories for God. Love bears all things—covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8), protects other people, protects their reputation. Love believes all things. Love is giving others the benefit of the doubt and believes the best about people. Love hopes for all things. Love has confidence in the future, even if we’re never promised a husband. Love refuses to take failure as final. Love never gives up on people. Love never loses faith in other people and gives up on them but remains faithful to them, in spite of their shortcomings. Love endures all things. This military term means to “hold a position at all costs, even unto death, whatever it takes.” Love holds fast to the people it loves.
The best way to understand each of these is to see them in the life of Jesus. Replace the word love with the name Jesus and the description would make perfect sense. We measure our own spiritual maturity by seeing how it sounds when we put our name in place of the word love. This is one of the most convicting, sobering exercises because we cannot live up to this. That is why Jesus died for you. That’s the gospel! It’s His love that changes us to be like Him and love others as He loves.
“God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.” -1 John 4:16
-Love is Eternal
Love never fails. Love will never end. Love will outlive all of the spiritual gifts. These gifts are temporary containers of God’s work, where love is the work itself. For all eternity, we will experience God’s incredible love, we will experience a deep love for God, and we will love one another with a perfect love. The greatest of these is love, for love covers not only what we experience in our relation to others, but what we experience from God Himself.
How will you grow in your love for others? First, I would suggest you cannot become the loving person you desire to be apart from a loving and vibrant relationship with Jesus. This love relationship must be cultivated first and foremost. Second, you must love those nearest to you. Jesus said all people will know we are His disciples by the love we have for one another (John 13:34-35). This is gospel-centered singleness: knowing deeply the true love of Christ and loving others to Jesus.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hannah is a twenty-something Tucson native saved by the overwhelming grace of Christ and a disciple of His Word. Hannah loves country music, camping and hiking, binge watching Gilmore Girls and traveling on spontaneous road trips. Her favorite days consist of a great cup of coffee, a good book, and enjoying monsoon thunderstorms. She longs to see young women thrive in their relationship with Jesus, knowing He always has immeasurably more in store for us.