Hospitality Across Life
In college, I had a roommate who would intentionally prop our dorm room door open a few afternoons and evenings. “This will help us meet our neighbors and let everyone know that we love people and are inviting them to come into our room,” she told me. I shrugged and watched her write on the whiteboard on our door, “We love people! Come on in!”
Though intimidated, I admired her spirit and generosity. So we left our door open. As girls walked by to go to dinner, they would invite us to come, too. When they came back from their evening classes they would come into our room to talk. I remember one night perched on my bed, stunned by the number of girls that could fit into our tiny room. They sat on our desk chairs, and our beds, and spilled onto the floor. All because of an open door and my roommate’s welcoming smile.
That was the first time I began thinking of hospitality as something I could do separately from my parents and differently from our traditional views of hospitality. What if I could show hospitality to others even if I didn’t have a house or a ring on my finger?
But I still find myself getting trapped into thinking I can only be hospitable through more traditional styles of hospitality. You know what I mean. The grand house that is so clean the floor sparkles, beautiful holiday decorations, a table loaded with the biggest turkey sold, fancy side dishes, place settings, and of course, the hostess required to be a wife, mother, and wearing a full face of make-up.
There is nothing wrong with those things. But that is not what hospitality has to look like. I have struggled throughout my twenties to understand how hospitality could fit into my life and look different from the traditional form of hospitality we tend to expect. We can be hospitable in our college dorm rooms, while we are living at home, even if we are not a wife and mothers. In fact, hospitality is for every stage of life.
Why do we need to show hospitality to others? As believers, we do so as a means to share the gospel. Inviting others into our homes and our lives is the best way to proclaim the gospel to unbelievers, and also to encourage and be encouraged in our walks with the Lord.
Sharing a meal together in our homes is an amazing, beautiful, and simple way to share the gospel. We all need to eat. The Bible is full of stories of Jesus sharing meals with his disciples and followers. Sharing a meal also meets people’s physical needs, therefore allowing us to meet their spiritual needs. Yet many of us are discovering that we need a new model for hospitality.
Think of Jesus again. Throughout most of the Bible, He showed hospitality and love to others outside of a meal. He loved the unlovable, healed the sick, and sacrificed His time and energy daily for others- all not necessarily in a home as a host preparing a meal for guests. We are commanded to love as He did.
“We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother” (1 John 19-21, ESV).
As a people forgiven, loved, and accepted by Christ despite our utter depravity and unworthiness, how could we not do as Jesus did and love those around us with that same unconditional love and hospitality in our homes and outside of them?
Despite having my college roommate’s early example, I have still struggled with the idea of hospitality and how that fits into my life. As a college student, I struggled to see how I could be hospitable when I had no home to host family and friends and no car to go to others’ homes. This same type of situation continued as I moved back home after college. I felt weird about inviting friends over to my parent’s house even if I had their permission. As I found myself still single, the cliché image of a wife with an apron opening her home to friends and neighbors was painful and it was easy to pretend that hospitality had nothing to do with me. Then in grad school, I was too busy to even think about spending time with my friends, let alone reaching out to others.
Yet this is what I am realizing; in every situation and in every stage of life I will always have excuses. It is time we think more creatively when it comes to hospitality. But it is also time to stop having excuses.
I find myself now in a beautiful apartment with my husband and finished school. Every excuse to not practice hospitality before has now disappeared. But what do I have? New excuses. Now I am nervous to open my home for the first time. Before it was only one room. I am not used to playing the traditional form of hostess and I find I am not that good at it.
I also worry about inviting over families with children. Will they be bored out of their skulls? Will they dread my house that is empty of toys? Or will they tip over my vases and stain the carpet?
See— still the excuses.
This doesn’t mean we don’t have real hurdles to get over when it comes to hospitality. My lack of a car in college was a big problem. Roommates, tiny homes, and so much more can create difficult situations where hospitality on some levels can be impossible. I also believe that sometimes we will find ourselves in seasons where we are the receivers of hospitality instead of the givers, and that is okay.
When we first came back to church after the Covid-19 pandemic, my pastor was quick to encourage and challenge us with getting back into the hospitality game. He told us that we were out of practice, but as believers, we needed to lead the way in getting back into having lunches, hosting game nights, inviting the new church members out for coffee, and not being afraid to come together again.
My husband and I are slowly figuring out what hospitality looks like for us. I am challenging myself to open our home to others at least once a month, putting others’ needs before my own, and coming up with creative ways to host families with children. After all, if hospitality is truly about sharing the gospel, the important piece is building relationships and not the how and where that happens.
Examples of Creative Hospitality
Are you an extreme introvert? Start small by inviting a friend over once a month to build your confidence. Write letters of encouragement to those who are grieving or struggling and send them by snail mail.
Are you a mother of young children and the idea of hosting meals triggers anxiety? Find a high school girl in your church or community who can be a mother’s helper. As she serves you and learns valuable skills like babysitting and home management, you can model godly womanhood, give her a glimpse into another godly household, and start building a relationship with her that could turn into discipleship.
Are you a college student living in the dorms? Open your door! Be the girl who is always available to talk, laugh, and cry with the ladies living around her. Make friends with the classmate who always eats by herself.
Is your apartment small and your seating limited? Invite the new lady at church to get pizza with you after the service. Have a picnic at the park with the large family of six.
Are you living with your parents? You can meet a friend at a coffee shop, organize a hiking trip with others in your stage of life at church, or serve in your Youth Group to develop relationships with younger girls.
Is your husband against hosting parties? Partner with a friend where she provides her home, you provide décor and food, and you host a beautiful Galentine's Day celebration for your friends.
Want to learn and grow more in hospitality? Check out these books!
Extraordinary Hospitality (for ordinary people) by Carolyn Lacey
- Read this book if you are looking for a quick read and a modern but biblical take on hospitality. It gets back to the basics and is full of more creative and unique ways to practice hospitality no matter your stage of life.
The Gospel Comes with a House Key by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield
- A longer and more in-depth look at hospitality, read this to be challenged by a woman who shares her home in such radical yet simple ways and the gospel fruition that comes from open homes.
The Big Wide Welcome: A True Story About Jesus, James, and a Church That Learned to Love All Sorts of People by Trillia J. Newbell and Catalina Echeverri
- Teach your kids about hospitality from an early age! This picture book takes kids through James 2, showing how they should love everyone even if they are different— just as Jesus did.