God, A Present Help
In the fall of 2015, I had been accepted to nursing school at my university, and I was in my first semester of what would be, unbeknownst to me, the hardest 2 years of my life. I came in bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, eager to learn. I felt that this was one of the next big steps into my journey of becoming a nurse.
What I didn’t expect nor prepare for was the difficulty of the classes and tests, all the skills I had to learn, and all the studying that was required. No one prepared me! Prior to coming to nursing school, I was primarily an all-A student, with the occasional B. Now it had become the other way around, primarily B’s, sometimes even C’s, with the very rare and celebratory “A”.
You can imagine how that plagued my mind. I began to doubt if this career path was really for me. I saw others around me doing better than me at times, and I began to compare myself. I felt the weight of the tests, clinicals, skills lab, and it began to crush me as the semesters went by.
By my fourth and final semester, the pressure was really on. There was the pressure to finish strong. There was also the weight of needing to interview and land a job by the time I graduated that semester. To add on to that, I still had to wake up at 5:00am for clinicals, pass my tests, complete all of my extra curricular activities, and try to eat a sandwich for sustenance every now and then! In this particular final grueling semester, I was inches from throwing the towel in.
Allow me to paint the scene for you…
I had weekly clinicals at this particular hospital. We had to arrive by 6:45am. One week, I accidentally overslept and arrived late to clinicals, which was a major infraction on my grade. On top of getting a very poor grade, my clinical professor very blaringly chewed me out in front of my entire class and the public who walked by the hospital steps. It was rather humiliating, and a bit rude, but I stood there and took it and then walked to my assignment.
Needless to say, it was very hard for me to focus that day after what had transpired that morning. That affected the work that I turned in later that day, along with my skill performance. I didn’t do well with my assigned nurse/ preceptor that day, and the day was just tanking. My professor came to me later that day, failing me for the day, and threatened me with the possibility of failing me for the semester if there were any other issues.
In case you forgot, let me remind you that I was already under immense stress from the semester as a whole. The classes were the hardest they have ever been. I was doing everything I could to stay afloat. My GPA was less than what I had wanted it to be, and my scholarship was at risk. Nothing was going right. Then, this professor and this clinical situation really put the icing on the cake– but not the sweet icing. This was the nasty icing that almost tastes like plastic…yeah, that icing on the cake.
On my lunch break, I heavily considered walking away from it. I wanted to end it all–not my life, but my life as I knew it in nursing school. I was literal steps away from walking away from it all. I draped my mandatory not-so-white-anymore nursing school lab coat over my shoulder, grabbed my overweight backpack, laden with textbooks and crumpled test papers, and sat on the bench in the unit locker room. I sat and stared at the door in front of me, as the door handle tempted me to escape. The stress was too much.
I can’t do this anymore. I’m not cut out for this.
I knew that if I took the bait, and walked out this hospital, I would forfeit everything I had worked so hard for. My mind was plagued with the thought of having to explain to my parents how I had quit so soon to the finish line. What would my backup option even be? I knew I couldn’t actually follow through with it. I exasperatedly dropped my stuff back down on the bench next to me, one piece at a time. I began to pray, and I prayed hard too.
Lord, I can’t do this. I know that you see me. Please help me to finish. Please help me to get through the rest of this day, and through this semester. My life is in your hands. AMEN.
I looked to the Lord, the only One who could really make the difference. By His strength, I was able to finish the day, and eventually the semester as well.
God came through to help me in a mighty way as well. By the end of the semester, I had landed my dream job, ironically and not coincidentally, at the same hospital that I almost walked out of and ending any chance of me having a nursing career. I got my dream job as a labor and delivery nurse in the Texas Medical Center, the top-rated medical center in the entire WORLD! Look at God showing out! I also was able to graduate with a lot higher GPA than the previous semester. And to top it all off, my professor gave me an exceptional grade by the end of the semester.
All in all, I was reminded that God was with me in every part of it. Through every storm, every high, every low, and all of the in-between as well. He was present and oh, so faithful.
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
PSALM 121: 1-2
To be continued…
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Stephanie Bright is the founder of Christian Girls POP, an online international
Women’s ministry. While attending college, Stephanie began leading Bible
studies from her dorm room, which led to the birth of Christian Girls POP (CGPOP).
Through CGPOP, Stephanie can reach women across the world of all ages
to proclaim the Word of God in a relevant way. As a Bible teacher, she uses
her life experiences to help others realize their potential by highlighting
scripture in her unique way. Stephanie aspires to bring CGPOP to college
campuses worldwide to guide young women into a meaningful relationship with Christ.
Stephanie also enjoys leading worship, spending time with her younger siblings, and doing puzzles in her free time.