“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and a sound mind.” - 2 Timothy 1:7

Lately, I have had some great questions about how to be friends with people of the opposite sex.  This is such a tough issue for people to navigate.  It has become even more interesting as we explore the world of sexuality and how people tend to struggle with their gender or their sexual attraction in this current day.

One of the biggest challenges I have seen among women, however, is to utilize their voice to stand for what they want or need.  As women, we tend to believe men know what we’re thinking or have the same ideas as we do.  It is important to openly declare your boundaries with the opposite sex.  When we don’t give in to fear of pleasing people (see Gal. 6:10) or believing that we will miss out on a relationship, God is able to show up and our love (& His) shine through.

When you are making friends, it is important to establish your dislikes/likes so that you are on the same page.  Common wise rules when you deal with the opposite gender are:

1. Do not ride in a car with someone of the opposite sex alone - unless they are family.

2. If a man is married or significantly older than you, keep your relationship within family gatherings, the church, or the workplace.

3. Safeguard yourself on the internet and watch for men who may be giving you misleading information or ask to meet you in person in strange places.

4. If you have an emotional problem you are dealing with, go to another female, your spouse, or your father/grandfather.  Chances are a man is not going to relate to what you are going through. 

5. Set up boundaries with your family or a friend that feel healthy and Biblical.

One of the most impressive things I heard growing up was the story of Billy Graham.  When he chose to be an evangelist to the world, he set up strong boundaries with the opposite sex.  He wanted to know the world would see him as a man of God and nothing would distract him from declaring God’s Truth.  I learned about his boundaries from a girl who I admired a lot and chose to follow the same rules as him.  You never know who you could inspire or how relationships can grow by setting up these boundaries!

I want to conclude by talking about boundaries that I keep in my own life!  As I reached new levels of ministry, I discovered more people wanted access to me and my life.  This caused me to set my own boundaries with both males and females, so the most important people in my life would KNOW they are the people God gave me.  Some rules I have are:

1. Some people do NOT get my phone number.  They go through a process for me to discern if they should be on my phone.

2. A rule I have for everyone (except family and three other people) is that my phone goes down at 10 p.m. and no one hears from me until the next day.

3. My SnapChat is for family.  Facebook is for family & friends.  InstaGram is for everyone.

4. My house is to be a sanctuary/refuge for those who are most important in my life.  Not everyone gets to come in.

5. Everyone does not have access to my family.  I’ve been given a lot of ministries/platforms to be a part of, but that is not my family’s world.  I choose whether people should be a part of my family life.  I chose my job - they didn’t.

6. If there is an event or gatherings that are essential to my closest family/friends, I will rearrange my schedule to put that event first.

7. I honor the Sabbath one day a week.  It doesn’t have to be the same day, but I pick one day each week and make it focused on Jesus and growth.

As you grow in your life and your faith, I pray you continue to evaluate your boundaries.  Look around and see who is on your team.  Guard your heart and your lifestyle to protect both yourself and God’s vision for you.  When you set these, you will find a peace that surpasses all understanding and unprecedented growth!