The song “No Promises,” by Cheat Codes featuring Demi Lovato might be considered a postmodern anthem. The chorus of the song reads, “Oh na, na/just be careful, (na, na)/love ain’t simple (na, na)/promise me no promises.” Of course, the hook of the song, “promise me no promises,” creates irony as this is inherently a promise - in other words, a promise of no commitment. While the song is about romantic love, all romantic love is a derivative of friendship, the fundamental human relationship between non-related people.

Thankfully, in their friendship, Jonathan and David provide a profound contrast to this song, showing us how deeply the love of God existed between them. Even though Jonathan was the son of King Saul, who hated David, Jonathan himself delighted in the future king (1 Sam. 19:1) and even saved him from death at the hands of King Saul, who was inordinately jealous of David. 

This reveals a lesson for us. When it comes to friendship, you are free to love whom you choose. No need to play out a modern version of Romeo and Juliet (where both families hated each other for generations) or the Hatfields and the McCoys. God is love, and we are made in His image, meaning we have the capacity to freely love. 

In 2 Samuel 20, we see the apex of Jonathan’s deep friendship with David. On the run from Saul, David needs to know if he will be treated safely with him. Knowing that David will be king after Saul, Jonathan promises that he’ll find out if this will be the case, and makes an oath with him - that when David becomes king, he will show kindness to Jonathan’s family. In the culture of that time, it was acceptable for new kings to kill off the prior king’s heirs, thus ensuring a clear path of succession. The fact that Jonathan made this oath, in effect, pleading for his family’s life, shows us that he trusted David and loved him deeply, honoring him as the future king (1 Corinthians 13). 

True to his word, Jonathan found out that it was not safe for David to return because Saul treated Jonathan rudely. When the two friends realized thus, they wept, and David more so.

1 Sam. 20:17 says that Jonathan loved David as his own soul. Isn’t this the essence of friendship - to love another as you love yourself? The word used here indicates the love that mankind has for man and can also describe God’s love to His people. I think that when David wept, he, too, showed that he loved Jonathan deeply. Later, he would treat Jonathan’s relative Mephibosheth kindly, inviting the lame man to live with him for the rest of his life. 

Do you have a friend, or friends, that you would love like that? Of course, none of us (most probably) need to help our friends escape from abusive kings, but perhaps, by way of example, your friends trust you with their secrets because you don’t gossip about them, or perhaps you are the friend who encourages others in their troubles, or who always has a wise word for someone’s situation.

On the flip side, do you wish you had just one good friend? I’ve been there too. If so, remember that God, through Jesus, is the friend that sticks closer than a brother - and is not ashamed to call you his sister, making your relationship even closer than friendship. He knows you; you know what He is doing if you read His word (John 15:15), and thus He calls you His friend. 

The song “Never Forget You,” by Zara Larsson and MNEK, provides for us a postmodern hint of what Jonathan and David’s friendship might have looked like. While ostensibly a romantic song, its chorus can be applied to all intimate relationships, including friendships, that have drastically changed: 

I will never forget you

You’ll always be by my side

From the day that I met you

I knew that I would love you till the day I die

And I will never want much more

And in my heart I will always be sure

I will never forget you

You will always be by my side

Till the day I die.

Today as you interact with the people you call friends, find ways to love them deeply as God did to and for you, and as Jonathan and David did to each other (John 15:13).

Discussion Questions 

1. How does it impact your view of God, that He calls you His friend?

2. When you look at the quality of Jonathan and David’s friendship, how does the quality of your own friendships make you feel?

3. What is one thing you can do this week to impact the quality of your friendships for the better?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ozi Ojukwu is a girl wildly in love with Jesus. A recent graduate of Cedarville University, she is a Colson-Fellow-In Training, learning about the fundamentals of a Christian worldview and how it connects to all of public life. She recently completed an internship at the Borgen Project, a nonprofit that makes global poverty a focus of US foreign policy. A bookworm to the core, she loves reading both historical fiction and memoirs. Her favorite verse is Romans 1:16.