Everything about who I am stems from what You say about me. Do I know what that is? Is who You created me to be something I have knowledge of? I don’t mean in the sense of “what is my purpose” and what it looks like in practice to fulfill Your plan, but the very essence of who I am or more importantly, whose I am. 

The root issue of identity comes to light when our answer to this question is: no. The acknowledgement of our answer isn’t necessarily verbal. In fact, more often than not, it’s what we don’t say that proves our lack of Biblical identity.  

What do our actions say about what we believe to be true? Do I act like the daughter of a King? (John 1:12) Do I put my crown on daily and hold the poise of a woman who knows what she deserves, or do I compromise for a quick taste of satisfaction? Are my decisions made from a heart fully justified or one searching for acceptance? (Romans 5:1) In that, whose standards am I willing to live up to? Do I want to be impressive to my friends, family, co-workers, or even that stranger at the coffee shop? 

I am desperate. I am longing. I am searching. I am lonely. I am wandering.  

All these strivings are a last ditch effort to fill a place in my heart reserved for the Lord. Every failed attempt leaves me feeling ashamed and seeking a place to hide my heart from the God who knows and sees everything (Jeremiah 23:24, Psalm 44:21). I am unable to hide my heart, so instead, I withhold it. An act of self-destruction, requiring a penance for my shortcomings and sin. The vicious cycle restarts as I scramble for new ways to earn my place in His love. 

All the while, a gentle voice calls to me and the ache in my heart knows this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. 

I am loved. I am seen. I am known. I am found. I am held. I am made.

My God—who gave His most precious gift, Jesus—pursues me. Me. Not us, which He does do, but this relationship is individualized. It is intimate. He sees me (Proverbs 15:3). He loves me (John 3:16). He delights in me (Psalm 37:23). He hears me (Psalm 34:17). He forgives me (1 John 1:9, Hebrews 4:16). ME! Little ol’ me, full of sinful nature, fear and regretfully, doubt. 

My God not only paints sunsets, commands winds and calms waves (Psalm 89:9), He resides in me (Romans 8:10-11). With all of His might and power, He is gentle and relational. He is not only my Lord, but my Abba. My loving and intentional Father. I, his daughter, in whom He delights. Knowing who He is first is essential to knowing whose I am. I cannot live from an identity given by one I do not know. 

Today, in my current standing, without a single effort of change, I am loved with a love I cannot lose nor increase. Does He love me too much to keep me the same? Yes. For I am known beyond what I am capable of comprehending in my own heart (Romans 8:27). He feels every break of my heart, every fear of rejection, failure, and lack of faith. He rejoices with us in our moments of belonging, of hearing the truth and letting it change our hearts, and encourages our wildest dreams, knowing that in Him all things are possible.  

I imagine the beam of a proud Father when his children are willing to come to him in fear and seek out the comfort He desires to give, the longing of His heart to be sought after and hidden in the beauty of His children, who are comfortable enough to fall asleep in His lap, knowing they are safe in His arms. 

We serve a God who requires only need. A desire for us to come humbly with empty hands seeking out a God who saves, acknowledging the sacrifice He freely gave in hopes we would come to Him, knowing fully we have the freedom not to.   

Do you rest in the assurance that His love cannot be earned or lost, just received? Do you abide in the reality of this truth? Do you meditate in the promises He left through Scripture? Are you surrounded by a community who encourages you in that identity and reminds you of who you are when you cannot see it? Are you actively conversing with our ever present God? Seeking advice on the color of that wall, accepting that job, or who your spouse should be? He delights in every detail and each of our thoughts should be taken captive in hopes to align our hearts’ desires with His. Ultimately, glorifying Him, pointing to Him, reflecting His character to the world.  

A Closing Prayer

Lord, thank you. Thank you for the promise of Your presence and the assurance found in Your Truth. I pray my sweet sister’s would feel the overwhelming presence of You. In our moments of abiding, I pray we would drown in Your love and dwell in its reality as long as possible. I pray you would change our hearts to desire more of You. Give us a hunger and thirst that is unquenchable outside of You. Deny all of our fleeting pursuits, make clear the way to You. When we feel the ache of our heart, move our hands and feet to action. Bring our hearts from a state of lukewarm to a fire burning so bright, it refuses to be unseen.Your presence in our life brings revival and that can sometimes stir up fear—make us courageous. Remind us to don the armor of God, knowing full well you are our Defender. Teach us to be daughters, to come to you humbly, afraid, and in need, Lord, because we are so desperate for You. It is comforting to know You hear our cries and are close to us, who are broken in spirit. It is so good to be loved by You. Amen. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ashley strives to sit a Jesus’ feet in the midst of her day and abide in her Abba in each moment. She enjoys her coffee black, exploring the depths of God’s creation, and taking naps. By day, she is found in fellowship with sister’s, outside soaking in Vitamin D (softball, hiking, walking dogs), or at the local coffee shop. By night, she manages a group home colored by ten kids whom she calls her own. Her weekends are for camping and lying in the hammock. The faithful and boundless acts of God are something she seeks to find and share daily.