I don’t want a boyfriend.

There I said it (you know… one of these days I will regret saying this).

But, seriously. I don’t (even if tomorrow is Valentine's Day and the world suddenly is consumed by romantic love).

What I want is to pursue my calling and serve my Savior. I want my life to be motivated by a joyful heart as a response to what God is doing in my life. I want to offer myself as a living sacrifice, so that my life may be an expression of praise towards my God. I want to fully, passionately, and vulnerably live for Christ, His glory, and His kingdom.

Having a boyfriend right now would distract me from accomplishing what God has called me to do. I know I have so much more of myself to offer at Jesus’s feet when I am single than if I was to spend my days chasing love. In this season of my life, I think dating is a waste of focus, time, and energy, but not a lot of girls have the courage to admit this, though. I know that I will avoid a significant amount of heart break and drama if I seek God’s will above all else and enter into a relationship at the right time with the right guy.

"But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord — how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world —how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world — how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction." --1 Corinthians 7:32-35

So, time to be honest, girls. I’ve never been in a relationship. Some days I am totally fine with this, other days it hits me in the gut with a crippling fear. As my first semester of college played out, dissatisfaction started stealing my heart. I wanted to be grateful though!

One day, while in the passenger seat of a car, I prayed: “God, either you need to provide or you need to satisfy me!”

And then a convicting thought whiplashed through my head: “Sarah, would you be satisfied if I provided? Would you truly be satisfied if I provided the very things you crave — the very things you desire right in this very moment?”

The answer to the question is quite plainly: No -- I would not be satisfied if God provided what I wanted. Because, I view everything from a broken finite perspective of a sinful human being.

To help you understand what I mean by this, let me elaborate with an illustration from my vivid imagination:

I write my own love story - pouring my heart and dreams into it. With a final flourish of a pen, I finish my romance and hand the novel over to God like He is my publicist. He can only critique the book and change the minor details, but never ever, under any circumstances, can He change the romance.

“Here, God, I am handing my novel over to you. This is how it’s supposed to be. Okay? I wrote it. And now you need to provide it.”

God hands the childish novel back to me and responds, “My dear daughter, I want so much more for you than this…If you want, I can show you, but you must first lay down the romance novel you are holding. What I’ve written since the beginning of time is much more glorious than the trashy novel in your hand.”

In a matter of seconds, the ink begins to fade and the pages start to disintegrate. Dust had already began eating away at the binding. I cling so tightly to what is left of my dreams screaming, “What have you done?! I wrote this! That was my future…”

But like a child having a tantrum in a store because her father won't buy her a toy, I never could understand why He wanted me to wait. What the child couldn’t see from her finite perspective was that if she were to wait until Christmas she would receive a much better gift from her Father who loves her and only wants the best for her.

God is not my publicist. He is the author of my love story and the creator of the universe.

God is not my publicist. He is the author of my love story and the creator of the universe. The author of my love story has some character development to work on before the plot line in this romance begins to pick up. So, yes, I may be classified as single and totally available according to the world’s standards, but not in God’s book. In God’s eyes, things are going exactly as planned. My future husband and I are just two strangers from two different worlds with two different stories. And it’s alright with me if we stay that way for awhile. It will take a miracle for two worlds to collide and us to be together. But romance stories are God’s specialty. After all, He did write the most beautiful and life-changing, not to mention, original, romance about Christ and His bride.

As young women, our desires are for our husbands. We were created this way, but now, it’s up to us to choose how we deal with this desire. Do we succumb to the whims of chasing one guy/one love after the next? Or do we bring our heart humbly before the Lord and ask Him to have His way in our hearts, dreams, and, yes, even love life (or lack-thereof, if you’re like me)?

Girls, our desire is meant to mirror that of the church’s. As members of the Bride of Christ our desire is for our Husband, so whether we know it or not -- as individuals -- our desire is for Christ.

I will only be satisfied if I have the one thing I truly desire. And my soul desires Christ.

This is the place where I will find overflowing joy. This is the place where I can live a life devoted to serving my Savior.

Christ is the only place where I can be satisfied - single or married.

// image by Yelena Bosovik