It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of deer and sets me on my high places. Psalm 18:32-33

For several months, I had been having surreal, petrifying nightmares startling me awake in utter panic and terror that something tragic was happening to my loved ones. These weren’t premonitions or ordinary “you-had-too-much-to-eat” nightmares, but I believe, were demonic attacks from the enemy in an attempt to strike inordinate fear and panic into my mind to keep me from the pursuit and surrender toward Christ.

After a series of these heartbreaking nightmares, I received a text message that my church’s van had not one, but two tire blowouts while driving on the interstate. This van carried several people I love so dearly, so instantly I began to worry. I received no further information; I didn’t know how bad it was, I didn’t know who all was on the trip, I didn’t know if they needed help or where they got stuck at; I didn’t know anything. And instantly, the enemy attacked. Fiercely. He attacked my mind, my thoughts—that’s always the first place he begins his deceptive plans.

Immediately, I began to think of the absolute worst things possible. I began to imagine amputations, fiery explosions and sitting hospital bedside saying my goodbyes. What actually happened? They were just fine, not a scratch, no one hurt, no one even badly sunburnt. They all carpooled home and probably slept sweet and sound counting bedtime sheep while I was freaking out giving foothold to the enemy.

I know that I can’t be the only person who struggles with anxiety and fear. After all, countless bible verses address and urge us to cast our cares down at His feet for He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). There’s so much anxiety rampant in our hearts, so much insecurity down casting our souls, and such restlessness overwhelming our minds. Our souls need a place to call home. The world pulls at us, tugging to get our attention, deceiving us by saying that what it offers will give our souls rest. It falsely promises that our hearts can be safe within its grasp. And yet, the more invested we are in this world, the more attention we give it, the more we let it impact us, the more restless and more unsafe we really are.

I’ve had a small voice in the back of my mind trying to convince me I am unloveable. I had been trying to find someone---anyone---that would see something worthwhile in me. It’s these seeds of doubt that have led to insurmountable anxiety and the striving for achievement and the approval of others. 

The world tells us we will feel at peace when that certain guy finally dates us. When we make the right friends, we’ll be happy with ourselves. If we achieve enough, we’ll be worthy of the attention and admiration we crave. If we make more money or lose enough weight, everything will fall into place. You are both too much and not enough. Be perfect and hope they love you.

Yet no list of achievements and good qualities makes people love you. There’s not enough politeness on earth to forge healing human connection. Our souls continue to wander aimlessly. Thirsty. Starving. And desperate for a place to rest after we’ve discovered that nothing in this world will satisfy or fill that gaping, empty hole.

It’s as if we’re trudging through a frigid winter night, looking for a safe place still unsatisfied and afraid. As we look out to the horizon, all of these other distractions are the first to come into our line of sight. They call our names and offer a brief respite from the cold of winter, and our souls may find rest there for a while. But these “safe places” chew us up and spit us right back out. We end up worse than we were before: hungrier, emptier, disappointed, and heartbroken that we were lied to.

That’s because we weren’t made to feel safe in this world—if anything, we ought to feel as uncomfortable in this world as we can because our citizenship is in heaven (Philippians 3:20); this isn’t our home— Jesus is our home and He is found in the high places.

In the beloved allegorical novel, “Hinds’ Feet in High Places” by Hannah Hurnard, the sweet “Much-Afraid” crippled doe, with companions Sorrow and Suffering, travel their spiritual journey through difficult places overcoming her tormenting fears as she passes through many dangers and mounts at last to the High Places. There she gains a new name and returns to the valley of service, transformed by her union with the loving Shepherd. This book so perfectly illustrates that it is “only upon the High Places of Love that anyone can receive the power to pour themselves down in an utter abandonment of self-giving.” It is only there in high places where we are safe and at home. He is our refuge. He is our fortress. He is our safe place where we find rest. Our hearts remain restless until we find rest in Him.

If you don’t live loved, every day is a battle of negotiations to yourself and others that you’re worth their love. The endless game of “look at me!” can manifest through one-upping others that can manifest through trying to do so much that you burn out, pursuing success at all costs, and avoiding all negative emotion. The list can go on forever. Instead of pandering for validation or conjuring up self-worth, let’s identify moments of insecurity and invite Him in. Rest in the Father’s hands and feel the encompassing peace of God. 

Today I am overwhelmed by the fact that God of all creation loves me. He loves me in ways I don’t deserve, yet in the way my soul needs to be loved. He understands me in ways others can’t. He knows the things I’m afraid to admit about myself. He knows the worst thoughts in my heart. He loves me enough to lay down His life. I am profoundly, sacrificially loved by my heavenly Father. I cannot believe how easily I forget the wildness that is God’s love for me. His love is bigger than I thought! 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—-practice these things, and the GOD OF PEACE will be with you. Philippians 4:6-9

As I began to do a word study on “peace” and “safety” throughout the pages of Scripture, my eyes were reopened to the truth of Jesus as my refuge, my fortress, and my safe place. Jesus is my peace despite the terror, the nightmares, the panic attacks, etc. Jesus is my very peace! And not only does surrendering my anxious thoughts at His feet result in the guard-ship of His peace, but Paul goes on to say that when I practice thinking Christlike thoughts, the very God of peace will be with me. Praying through this verse was as if the loving arms of my Heavenly Father held me close to His chest in the middle of a paralyzing nightmare. It was as if I felt the beating heart of GOD. OF. PEACE. 

Peace protects. Peace guards. Peace frees. Peace secures. Peace heals. Peace is complete and total safety. Peace is in high places with Jesus Christ.

“Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.” Psalm 57:1

He sets on high those who are lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to safety. Job 5:11

I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:1-2  [I encourage you to read all of Psalm 18!]

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hannah is a twenty-something Tucson native saved by the overwhelming grace of Christ and a disciple of His Word. Hannah loves country music, camping and hiking, binge watching Gilmore Girls and traveling on spontaneous road trips. Her favorite days consist of a great cup of coffee, a good book, and enjoying monsoon thunderstorms. She longs to see young women thrive in their relationship with Jesus, knowing He always has immeasurably more in store for us.