Somewhere along the way, a belief might have become a part of our thinking:  we receive love when we do something good or something worthy of praise. As a result of believing this, we end up doing things, not out of love, but with the motive to receive love. When we view our relationships with a transactional mentality, it shapes how we believe God loves us. For example, if we do something good, we get love and if we do something bad, that love is taken away. Our brains revert to this perverted version of love; that is a lie. This destroys our view of God, what He has done for us, and His grace.

Eventually,when we view our relationship with Christ in this light, we believe that in order for Him to give us love (our definition) we have to do something good. One of the many flaws that accompanies transactional belief of love is the contradiction that occurs when we do something good and get nothing in return. Our heads begin to spiral to figure out where we went wrong.

On the other hand, if we don't do something good, but God blesses us, we have trouble accepting God's gifts and think that there is a hidden motive. We live in anxiety, waiting for something bad to happen to us, to even out the good. This creates a cycle of feeling unworthy of good things, thinking selfishly, and being manipulative—giving ourselves the control/power that we don’t have. As we continue to view love this way, we continually strive to be good so our life can turn out the way we want. But, there is another way.

How God wants us to understand Him

• My love for you is not transactional: “No, in all these things we have complete victory through him who loved us! For I am certain that nothing can separate us from his love: neither death nor life, neither angels nor other heavenly rulers or powers, neither the present nor the future, neither the world above nor the world below—there is nothing in all creation that will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37-39)

• I am more powerful than your mistakes or understanding: “Your right hand, Lord, is awesome in power; it breaks the enemy in pieces.” (Exodus 15:6)

• There is nothing you can do to earn my love: “So that is why I don’t view God’s grace as something minor or peripheral. For if keeping the law could release God’s righteousness to us, the Anointed One would have died for nothing.” (Galatians 2:21)

God wants you to know that what you do, who you are, or what you have, does not give you your worth. We need to accept that through Jesus’ dying on the cross for us, we are forgiven.  Because we are God’s creation, we are worthy. Once we understand God’s great love for us, we can live in that truth. We can reject the lie that we receive love when we do something good or something worthy of praise. We can live in the hope and expectation that He has our best interest in mind. Not because of who we are or what we have done, but because of who He is. 

How can you prevent a transactional mentality from interfering with your relationship with God?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

My name is Moriah Spencer and I’m an English Major at Nyack College. Ever since I was young I have had a passion to create. Whether that be writing a story, painting, or decorating my room. God has given me a desire to share how He has changed my life and I am excited to take you along on my journey!