Girls fight with pornography as well as gentlemen. We just don’t say anything because we feel that no one will understand. I understand. I have been there. I know what you are going through. Trying to sweep it under the rug will only work so long. I know, I am a pro at sweeping my mistakes under the proverbial rug. But not acknowledging our mistakes, just allows them to keep growing and become a den of lions.

“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” -1 Peter 5:8 NLT

In that lion’s den, the devil is the leader, and all the evils of the world are his pride. Pornography is just one of those evils. The Bible doesn’t say anything about pornography specifically, but it does talk about the two main reason we turn to porn: lust and a lack of self- control.

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such thing there is no law.”-Galatians 5:22-23 ESV

The reason we turn to pornography is we are weak. When our self-control is lacking, it gives the devil room in our lives to manipulate us in a way of thinking.

 The church does a good job of talking to the guys about the evils of the internet, but they forget about us girls. I can remember sitting in church when the pastor started talking to the men and boys about the evils of pornography. I started sliding down deeper into my chair; I needed that talk as bad as the boys. Just because I am a girl doesn’t mean I haven’t fallen prey to the devil’s schemes. There are no such things as gender specific sins. The devil will find you when you are the most vulnerable and pounce before you can give your action a second thought.

You see, when I was thirteen years old, I purposefully stumbled upon the evil of pornography. I found myself alone in the computer room and, before I knew it, I pushed the ‘X’ key. You can surmise what I searched. If I could go back and redo that moment in my life, I would walk right by the computer room and not go in. However, I am thankful that I did, so I can help and comfort girls like me.

To look at porn is a choice, a temporary fix to a bigger issue. The bigger issue is self-control. Ladies we need to put on self-control like we put on our jeans. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, so we have that fruit inside of us, it’s time to start exercising it. When self-control is lacking, we can become susceptible to many things of the world. But thankfully there is a God who doesn’t turn his back on us, but welcomes us with open arms.

“As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”-Psalm 103:12 ESV

Now when we read that verse our minds go, well I know my brain goes, to a compass. The directions on the face of a compass are N, E, S, W, standing for north, south, east, west. I am sitting in the great state of Georgia as I type this. The farthest east I can travel is Maine and the westernmost state I can go is Alaska. While I would love to see the Northern Lights, I don’t know if I’ll ever get there. The point is that the way we measure direction is limited, but what we don’t realize when we read that verse is it’s not our limited view of direction. But it is God’s unlimited view. God separates our sin as far as He stretches east and west. That is so comforting to me. God has a massive reach, so our sins can’t touch us again. After I looked at that image, I turned my back on God. That was a giant oversight in my life. In my thinking, He could never love a wretch like me. I didn’t know the truth about God. The truth is there is NO WHERE I can go from His presence (Psalm 139:7) He was with me in the computer room, He was watching over me when I saw that picture. He hasn’t left me, and He never will!!!

I opened a vault of darkness when I looked at that picture. It made me susceptible to pornography. At night it got worse. In the darkness I looked at some horrible things and that would change people’s opinion of me. But no one knew. I tried my best to hide it and succeeded  for seven years until I finally shared the secrets of my past with a trusted confidant and friend. We were at a high school conference  where the speaker said something along the lines of,

 ‘The longer you keep your secrets in the dark the more power they have over you.’

And that is when I decided to take the plunge and tell Maddie what I had been hiding for years. I told her that I had looked at pornography and I didn’t think an earthly man could ever love someone like me. Her words to me still resonate with me,

“Mary Hannah, there will be someone for you.”

I am twenty-six now and still waiting on that man, but as long as God is working, I’ll be here waiting.

Pornography is an epidemic in this time we are living in. It’s time we get real about what we view on the internet. If you are a girl like me who struggled for years (and still struggles), find a trustworthy friend and tell them the ugly parts of your past. The longer you keep that in hiding the more power it has over you and the harder it is to share with a trusted friend. It may feel uncomfortable and a little unknown, but it is necessary for growth. As I type this it has been a little over nine months since I have looked at an explicit picture on the internet. It’s called dying to yourself and not letting Satan have space to tempt you to sin. Remember the longer you keep your secrets in the dark the more power they have over you.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not come over it.”-John 1:5 NIV

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mary Hannah Thomas was born and raised in Social Circle, Georgia with her three siblings. Now she lives in the woods outside of Athens, Georgia. In between writing and spending time with Jesus, she enjoys a daily walk and baking. Mary Hannah is always down for a cup of coffee no matter what the time! To find more of her writing check out her blog: https://tbdmlp.wordpress.com/