Heartbreak hurts terribly. I never realized how much a broken heart would hurt until it happened to me. Before that, I thought it was simply a figure of speech, but if you’ve been through heartbreak, you know it really hurts your heart physically and emotionally. Through this season of heartbreak, I have felt what seems like an unbearable amount of pain, but through this pain, I have been able to see the beauty of His purposes and plans for my life and how God is shaping me. 

My heartbreak came when I fell head over heels with a really sweet Christian guy who was kind, friendly, and opened his heart to me in a way that allowed me to do the same. As months went by I thanked the Lord for bringing me such a wonderful man to walk through life with me. But then, disaster struck. I didn’t see it coming as he had continued to promise our future together but quickly turned his back on premature promises. I was devastated. My heart felt like someone had come and smashed it into nothing but shards of fragile glass. “Oh Jesus, it hurts too much!” I’d cry night after night to God. A broken heart is painful, but God brought healing for me in so many different ways including several unexpected ways:

Get Some Distance

This step is easier said than done. When we have feelings for someone, we want to do anything to be around them and find every excuse in the book to talk to them, be around them, or hang out together. If we’re going to heal from the hurt of a broken heart, we need to create distance between him. 

If I wanted to heal from this seemingly unending crushing pain, I needed to remove myself from the very thing that was digging the wound deeper. For me, this meant finding a new job, going to a different church, and hanging out with a different group of friends. I needed to take radical steps to create distance and though it upended other areas of my life, the Lord had His hand in it entirely (I could tell you so many God-stories!). Regardless of how you put distance between yourself and your ex, you need to have distance if you’re ever going to allow space for Christ to do a healing work in you. 

I know how hard this is. It feels cruel or like you’re throwing away friendships or unfair that you have to give up things you love, but please know, it’s not always permanent; you can go back to that church at some point or hang with those friends without him, or even be friends with him again one day, but creating distance is key to helping you move forward. 

Extend Forgiveness 

In all of my relationships, romantic or otherwise, I want to leave the other person looking more like Christ than I when I first met them. This is especially true in breakups. I want to leave my ex still in awe of Christ, despite the brokenness of our relationship.

While it is easy to villainize this person who hurt me so greatly I have no right to judge him as my sin is no greater than his. Hating him would only turn my heart black so I made the choice to reflect on my own sins and what changes I need to make to ultimately become a more Christ-like woman. Don’t let the resentment, bitterness, and frustration with him or with God keep you from the truth that this breakup protected you and rescued you. Let this protective grace from God permeate your heart and overflow into every area of your life, extending forgiveness to your ex and to yourself. 

Grieve the Loss

In the tv show Gilmore Girls, when Rory endures her first breakup and wants to occupy her mind with unnecessary errands, her mom insists that she get back in her pajamas, go to bed and eat nothing but a gallon of ice cream and pizza and simply wallow. Though this kind of wallowing is not sustainable or healthy, there is truth to taking time to sit in your grief. 

You're not just losing a relationship. You are mourning the loss of a person in your life. It's not easy. I'm not sitting here like, "So go create distance, and best of luck!" No, you will grieve. You will mourn. You will start to look at your phone wondering, "When will the next text come? Oh wait, it's not coming."

I've experienced death. I've experienced people close to me dying. When I experienced heartbreak, it was very similar. I remember sitting there like, "Where are they?" Naturally, you want to share something with them. You want to text them something. At night, you're sitting there wanting to call them. Then you're driving, and songs come on. All these different things are reminding you.

You have to literally learn how to grieve and move on from that person you lost. I love this John Piper quote and had it as my phone background as I was going through my breakup: 

“Weep deeply over the life that you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Feel the pain. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life that He’s given you.” 

When you surrender to God, there is hope. He is enough. He will sustain you. This light, temporary moment of hurt will lead to hope. When I am hurting and I'm losing perspective, I go to these Scriptures. 

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 “That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles [or the heartbreak] we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."

Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to those to have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.” 

Psalm 30:5 “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” 

Isaiah 46:4 “I have made you. I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

Psalm 84:11 “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.”

Reset and Restore

There's no better way to deal with heartbreak than to come to the Creator of your heart. Psalm 147:3 says,  "He [God] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." I think for me, when I hear that word binds, I think of something that's withholding, restricting, holding me back. Right now you could think, "God wanted me to break up with him because he wants me to be lonely…” You can think that God is out to get you and bring harm to you and hurt to your life. That word binding is like the illustration of a cast. The purpose of a cast to heal the bone that is broken is to do two things: reset and restore.

In the same way, God's purpose in your breakup is to reset you and restore you. The problem is you would rather rebound than reset. You would rather go and chase after anything that will give you attention. You'd rather run to any other scene than come to God and address your hurt. 

Breakups are meant to put you on a break and to put your heart on a break. Your heart was not designed to fall in love, to date, and then break up and then date and then break up and the date and break up. No, God is using that breakup, and he brings healing to that break up when you let your heart have a break. When you let your heart have a break, He is going to do those two things.

He is going to reset you, reset your focus, reset your attention, reset your heart, reset your ability to love, reset your trust, and reset your peace. He is going to reset all of these things. Then He is going to restore the broken pieces. As He is resetting you, He will be restoring you. 

You need to go and let God put a cast around your heart that is His love, His Word, His people, His truth. You need to be still and let restoration happen. Learn how to love again, how to trust again, and how to hope again. There is hope on the other end of surrender. When you surrender the good and the bad, the broken pieces of your heart, and your love to God, there is hope.

Walk Forward

As I have walked through this heartache God has carried me and has placed on my heart to pursue him fiercely. As I walk through this season of singleness, I know that the Lord is with me and using this time for a greater purpose. Letting go of this relationship was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I am filled with hope knowing that God does have a beautiful adventure planned specifically for me. 

My encouragement for all of you who have gone through a heartbreak recently: cling to Jesus and ask Him to help your heart and get through it. Because he is right there beside you and will help you. Talk to your mom, other Christian ladies, and godly friends who have gone through something similar for advice and comfort. Keep working, learning, and serving others. Do not give up hope and think that love can’t or won’t come again to you. True Love is already yours