I went into marriage with a lot of romantic, but vague, ideas about what a marriage would be like. A few years in, I’ve since found that marriage is very different from what I imagined. I’ve learned a lot, but one thing I was surprised to discover is that my marriage has been teaching me new things about my relationship with Christ.

Maybe this should not have been so surprising to me. After all, Jesus is referred to as the “bridegroom” multiple times in the New Testament (including in Matthew 9:15 and John 3:29-30). Also, it makes sense that our relationships on earth would be an imperfect mirror of our relationship with God.

My marriage has made clear that there were things I “knew” about Christ based on reading the Bible and studying, but I didn’t fully understand these concepts before. There are probably plenty of people who grasped these truths about God without having to be married. However, I needed the concepts to be made clear through this relationship in order to actually understand.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far.

I do not have to hide my imperfections from God.

When I was dating the man who is now my husband, I knew exactly when we would be seeing each other. If he was coming over to visit, I would wake up early before work to make sure the house was clean and finish any assignments for grad school. If we were meeting up for dinner, I would change into something cute and make sure my hair was exactly right before driving to a restaurant. 

Needless to say, my house is not always spotless on a daily basis, and my hair definitely does not always look perfect. When I first got married, I didn’t want my husband to see me at anything less than my best — which was impossible because I couldn’t be on point 24/7. It took time for me to realize that my imperfections didn’t have to be hidden from someone who loved me.

Sometimes, with God, I wanted to be able to hide my flaws. But He already knows what my flaws are. In the Psalms, David writes;

“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar” -Psalm 139:1-2, NIV

God already sees us at our lowest. He even knows when we are thinking things that we would never dare share with anyone, and He continues to love us anyway. We do not have to wait until we are a “better” person to come before Him.

I can bring my desires to God.

For years I have wanted to be more serious about writing. I’d love to be able to write full-time one day, but I avoided telling anyone this because it didn’t seem realistic. Several months ago, I finally told my husband about my dreams, and he immediately encouraged me and offered to help me make changes to make it easier for me to focus on this path.

Should I have been nervous to bring this desire up to my husband? Probably not, but because it was something I had kept to myself for so long, it was difficult to tell someone else.

I do the same thing with God sometimes. I keep the desires that I want the most to myself because they seem unrealistic, or I don’t see any way that a change could happen in my life. 

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” -Psalm 37:3-4 (NIV)

Now, these verses do not mean that we will get all of our desires just because we bring them to the Lord. Not all our desires are good for us. Sometimes God has better things for us than we can imagine for ourselves. Other times, certain desires just don’t fit within the plan that God has for our lives.

But God still wants us to come to Him with our desires. His love for us is even greater than we are capable of imagining, and He knows what He is doing.

I do not have to rely on myself.

I like to think of myself as a very capable person. I cannot seem to take on just one project at a time. If it’s possible to juggle two tasks at once, I find myself trying to juggle four. However, although I can manage to pull this off sometimes, I usually end up needing help.

And I hate asking for help. I think that I should be able to do everything by myself, thank you. 

So instead of asking for help, when I see things starting to get out of hand, I wait until it is an absolute disaster. We’ll skip the exact incidents here because some details about an individual marriage don’t need to live forever on the internet, but I have learned that I should ask my husband for help with things before everything falls apart.

With God, I tend to try to make my own plans work before coming to Him for help. Too often, I make praying my last resort rather than my first resort even though God tells us over and over to turn to Him.

“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you” (Isaiah 41:13, NIV).

God will not only listen when we bring our troubles to Him; He will take us by the hand and lead us through those troubles. We should not rely solely on our own abilities when we have a God who is so powerful. Because His love for us is great, helping us is not an inconvenience for Him.

Reflection

God can use any relationship, not just marriage, to reveal more about Himself to us. After all, we and everything that exists on earth are created in His image. 

What are you learning about God through others?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Elizabeth is an educator at heart. So far this has taken the form of a camp counselor, a museum assistant, and currently a middle school teacher. She loves to watch people grow and learn. You can read more of her writing at her blog Chronicles of a Southern Belle