Jesus Wept
‘We don’t live by our feelings, but by faith’
This quote is often said to someone who’s experiencing something emotionally taxing and overwhelming. The advisor intends to give encouragement to the person who is ‘in the valley’ to not rely only on their feelings, but to take everything to God.
It’s common for us, as flawed humans, to give well-meaning advice, based upon some truth, yet lacking in some way. We typically speak from a certain ‘measure’ of revelation - that is, whilst we’re learning and growing, we may still have a ways to go in our understanding (1 Corinthians 13:9-12). I feel that this applies to the above.
GOD-GIVEN EMOTIONS & FAITH
You see, our emotions are not of the devil. Nor are having feelings and faith a ‘one or the other’ situation. If you’ve ever been told to ‘toughen up and get over it’, or to not be emotional but to just ‘trust God’, go ahead, pause and re-read those statements.
Our Creator gave us emotions and designed the manner in which we can express them. They didn’t arrive after The Fall (of Adam and Eve in Genesis 3). God’s Son, Jesus, responded to circumstances with emotion as He walked on earth in the form of a man - He both let His feelings show and demonstrated to us the greatest faith one could ever possess.
Just as it was appropriate for Jesus, so too it is okay and necessary for us to express emotion! It’s a function of our bodies which our Father designed us to have and to use purposefully (Medical science tells us about the release of hormones which occurs in the human body when we shed tears, which often leads to a state of drowsiness, leading to refreshing sleep) (Check out these articles by Michigan State University and Harvard for more on this: https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/benefits-of-crying#:~:text=We%20cry%20in%20response%20to,emotional%20skills%20to%20build%20resiliency and https://www.webmd.com/balance/features/is-crying-good-for-you#1).
The story of Lazarus, found in John 11:1-44, is a beautiful expression of Jesus being emotional, whilst also full of faith. Open your Bible (or app) and read this passage now, before we unpack it together.
DEATH ISN’T THE END OF THE STORY
In verses 1-16 Lazarus, a friend of Jesus and the brother of Mary and Martha, had become sick. Lazarus’ sisters had sent word to Jesus, telling Him that, “the one you love is unwell”. The Saviour responded that the sickness wouldn’t end in death, but that God would be glorified through the situation. He then risked going back to Judea, where previously people had been trying to kill Him, so that He could be with this family he loved.
As Jesus prepared for this journey, He told His disciples that Lazarus had already died. This made no sense to them. If they were to return to Judea, Jesus would likely be killed and so would they. If Lazarus was already dead, what was the point anyway?
You can imagine the confusion and fear they were feeling. Nevertheless, they accompanied Jesus to where Lazarus’ body lay, for their feelings didn’t undermine their faith in Christ’s plan. (Note: If our feelings are not aligned with the Lord’s ways, He may need to do a work in us and we might need to come to a place of surrender and trust so that we can walk in faith).
In Verses 17-37 Jesus and the disciples arrived on the scene where Lazarus had been dead for four days. The mourners had gathered. The mood, sombre. No doubt funeral plans were underway.
MARTHA: PAIN & HOPE MET WITH KINDNESS
Martha went out to meet with Jesus as He came into town. Dismayed, she told Him that she knew He could have prevented Lazarus from dying… but He’d arrived too late - her brother was already dead. Immediately after sharing her disappointment, Martha utters words which might seem hard for us to fathom, “But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask” (John 11:22).
As much as she was overcome with grief, still Martha kept a firm grip on spiritual truth - knowing that with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). Although it seemed hopeless and her mind may not have been able to really comprehend it all, Martha understood that the power to heal and raise her brother back to life was indeed in Jesus’ hands.
In this moment, she was a woman overflowing with emotion, and also one who had anchored her hope in God. Feelings and faith aren’t mutually exclusive or necessarily opposing of one another.
When we find ourselves in positions where our feelings and our faith seem incongruous with one another, we would do well to remember the words of a father in anguish and simultaneously expectant as he asked Jesus to heal his son, “Lord, I believe. Help me with my unbelief” (Mark 9:24). This sentiment is so clearly echoed in Martha’s words to Jesus also.
Do you notice Jesus’ response to Martha? He didn’t chastise her. Love doesn’t punish us for having or sharing emotions or for struggling with doubt (Some might suggest that Mark 9:19, 23 negates this, as they read Jesus’ words to the father and the villagers as a harsh rebuke.
However, if we look more deeply into the story, we notice that his words are disciplinary (that is, their purpose is to teach) rather than judgemental. The Healer brought compassion that day, not a penalty.
If Jesus, the Son of God, can make room for valid emotions to be expressed, it is reasonable for us to do so too. If God moved mountains for people of ‘little faith’ throughout the Bible, then He’ll do it for us as well.
MARY: GRIEF STRICKEN & WRAPPED IN LOVE
While Martha was having a conversation with Jesus, Mary had chosen to stay home. This is such an apt description of how we tend to behave also - we seem to either take everything quickly to the Lord, or we hide away in our brokenheartedness.
Martha’s response might seem like the better of the two, yet Jesus didn’t condemn Mary either. He understood that it can take some time for us to be ready to approach Him and He simply says, ‘Hey, I’m here when you’re ready’. How beautiful and kind is that! He doesn’t rush us, yet He waits with open arms for us to come to Him.
When Mary felt up to it, she went to Jesus and laid it out straight, “If you’d been here, my brother wouldn’t have died!” A statement full of disappointment, possibly anger and resentment, and certainly all-encompassing grief. An entirely appropriate response in the situation she was in.
Losing a loved one hurts. Even when we know that they’re headed for eternity with God in heaven, our separation from that person for a time is painful and shouldn’t be downplayed.
Recently, the mother/mother-in-law of some good friends of mine died. Her funeral was one of the loveliest services I’ve ever been to. Those who spoke brought wonderful gospel truth in their words, reflecting what this woman had felt herself in the weeks leading up to her death - a comfort that she was going to be with her Saviour. At the same time, of course, they shared their loss.
Her husband summed it up well, with his words, ‘I know without a shadow of a doubt, that my wife is with Jesus, which is a beautiful thing. Also, I’m more deeply broken hearted than I ever imagined I could be’.
Emotions… expressed… real, true, reasonable. What Jesus would expect from us, I think. Yet also, something we can struggle with giving ourselves permission to feel and give voice to.
We tend to feel like we can express joy, gladness, excitement etc. - the uplifting emotions - whilst we often deny ourselves the expression of pain, grief, anger, disappointment, fear and loss.
JESUS: SON OF MAN, SON OF GOD
Let’s return to Lazarus’ story to see Jesus’ response to Martha and Mary’s devastation…
“When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” He asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” (John 11:33-36 NIV)
Jesus WEPT… Not, Jesus was a little sad. Not, Jesus felt for his friends. Not, Jesus said, “Hey, Buck up guys, it’s not the end. I’m about to raise him back to life”. No. Jesus WEPT.
Jesus, who knew full well that the future was bright (verse 40-44 tell us of Him raising Lazarus back to life), WEPT (cried bitterly, expressed deep sorrow, sobbed, wailed, moaned, bawled) (www.thesaurus.com and the Miriam Webster online dictionary).
He understood that a loss is painful, no matter how temporary. That a disappointment can leave us emotionally bereft. That unmet expectations can bring overwhelming sadness.
The passage I’ve placed a spotlight on today is just one example of Jesus feeling and expressing emotion, and giving others permission to do so too. Another is when the woman washed his feet with her tears and perfume (Luke 7:36-50). There are many others too.
I’d encourage you to have a look at the gospels and to take note of what emotions Jesus feels and how He expresses His emotions (you’ll notice that He’s always honest, and never hurts others in His expression). Here are a few scriptures to get you started: Matthew 9:20-22; 14:13 and 23:33; Mark 4:35-41 and 6:31, Luke 5:16 and 22:42 and John 6:15.
I began this post with the quote, ‘We don’t live by our feelings, but by faith’. As we finish up today, I want to remind you of three simple truths:
Our feelings are valid, but they are not always the best captains for our lives. At times, we can become so enmeshed in our feelings, that we can lose sight of the truth of the Word of God and His faithfulness to us in every season. It’s important to acknowledge and express feelings, but also to remain firmly rooted in the Word - to let it be our guide, to keep us (or put us back) on track when we become a little lost.
Our feelings matter and should be expressed appropriately. Jesus was, ‘acquainted with grief and sorrow’ (Isaiah 53:3), and He set us an example of how to respond to our feelings. When we’re feeling any of a vast array of emotions, we can count on it, that Jesus has also experienced them. We can turn to His life to see how we might best respond to our circumstances. We can find compassion and empathy in Him, and strength when we’ve none of our own.
Faith can exist in the presence of an array of emotions. Some of the greatest miracles recorded in the Bible come after intense feelings are poured out, alongside mustard seed-sized faith (Matthew 17:20-21).
In this post, I’ve focussed a lot on feelings of grief. I want to note that it’s crucial that we acknowledge the array of emotions we and others feel. Romans 12:15 reminds us to,
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn”.
Personally, I’ve experienced some times of disappointment lately, in circumstances that I can’t change myself - situations which I have to continue to hand over to God and trust Him in. During these times, it’s those who’ve acknowledged the pain of that disappointment who have brought me the most comfort.
Whilst they too haven’t been able to alter the outcomes, just their being there in the midst of those emotions has been such a blessing to me. We all need that - in both the joy filled and the difficult seasons of life.
Today, I’d encourage you, or challenge you even (for I know it can be outside of our ‘comfort zone’), to share your emotions with those close to you, and to lean in, to listen, acknowledge and be present with your family and friends in whatever they are feeling as they navigate life and all its ups and downs.
This is being like Jesus - the Jesus who wept with Mary and Martha - who does the same with us. Remember, you are loved and He is with you. xx