Before I can even think about 2020, I have to get my head around what 2019 has meant to me. 

I spent a morning leafing through hundreds of pages of handwritten journal entires with one purpose: to remember. Last year was a milestone in my spiritual and personal life and I am particularly proud of the growth I experienced in 2019.

Every December, many of us take time to reflect back on the prior year and look forward to the next, partially with nostalgia and partially with excitement about the possibilities that exist for us. Many of us might even pray about the things we think we want or need to have in the next year; the goals and ambitions that light our fires. I certainly do, but today I wonder: Do we ever stop and wonder in awe at how He got us through it all while we were preoccupied with our business?

I thought I was going to be reflecting on what God did through me this year, but really, I’m realizing this is only a small part of the story. Maybe even only an afterthought or a side-effect of what He has done. 

What is the the true measure of a year of our lives? Really, what are we counting as a “successful year”? Gross income earned? Amount of books read? Miles traveled?

For me, I’m counting my success as a whole lot of unquantifiable grace. 

If I died today I would not regret one thing because I know and He knows that I have done my best to obey and please Him in my heart. He knows because He was helping me through it all. 

In 2019, He kept me going. My heart understands this better than my mind. Even now, while I’m typing these words, worried about whether I can post this article on time and trying to find the words to put together for you all, He is sustaining my drive, passion, and pouring into me the words and sentiment He desires, all while simultaneously upholding the universe.

I can’t move swiftly past this fact. With each word and breath I take, our father is Good. Holy. Our Sustainer. 

Last New Year’s Eve I chose one word to define my goals for the year. I even wrote it in my best script diagonally across the first page of my 2019 Moleskine planner to set the tone for the whole year: COMMITMENT. Each week, I made great and imperfect strides toward that goal, determined never to give up on my commitment to lean into what it really means to pursue God and the calling He has drawn me to (writing). 

In 2020, I want to DEPEND on Him and to know what that really is like. 

Now that I know where I’ve been, I can turn toward the unknown future with a cloud of glory leading the way and more glory behind me. Isn’t that how we should face every day? We are forever traveling to our destinations, whether it is to Egypt or Babylon, or back to Jerusalem to rebuild. But the entire way we know our ultimate destination is to be with our Good Father forever, even though we must spend a while in exile.

Lead them like a shepherd, and carry them in your arms forever. -Psalm 28:9

If my desire is DEPENDENCE, then God must also be made BIG. As much as I am weak and in need, He must be made all the more powerful in my life. After all, what is the point of being dependent on God if the God of my imagination is too small and boxed in to help?

Today is a new day and a new year for all of us. My prayer is that God would be made big and gloried above all else in our lives.

Lord, fill us with awe and wonder at Yourself, so that we may truly rest in your goodness and glory.

We’d love to hear from you in the comments below:

• How did you see God word in 2019?

• What has God taught you about himself?

• What is your word for 2020?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Molly Gonzalez is a full time working wife and mama living in Ojai, CA. She is passionate about the Word of God and discipleship. She especially loves to write about practical scripture application and finds the most joy when just sitting with a friend and a pot a coffee. Her writings can be found at mollylgonzalez.com.