A few years ago, I had the beautiful privilege of teaching God’s Word at the local women’s shelter and shared a glimpse of my story with them, hoping to encourage and strengthen their walks with Jesus. Later that night, fiercely overanalyzing everything I told them, these words became even more real: “Jesus not only saves us from our past, but saves us from what we would have become.” 

Little did I know how the Lord would use my very own words to further challenge me into a deeper more intimate walk with Him. This one tidbit from my teaching that night led me to a radical in-depth visit to my past. 

We all come from complex, complicated stories full of emotional baggage that we carry from our past; this baggage holds us back from the life of freedom and joy that Jesus has for us. Very few people want to revisit the past. We shove it under the rug, we proclaim “no regrets”, we post a positive bumper sticker over it, we pretend the past is dealt and done with. We tune it out, zone it out, or are simply numb to it.

But with all of my heart, I need you to believe me. I need to trust me. We can’t just forget our past. We must embrace our past. We have to understand that this is part of our story. Dealing with your past is a necessary evil.  And the best way, really the only way, to deal with it, is to stare it right in its face. 

I’ll warn you now, this wasn’t a pretty walk down memory lane. This wasn’t a fun experience reminiscing the “good ol’ days” of nostalgia. This was an intense, nitty-gritty look at how my past has influenced my present. This was months of ugly crying, angry girl workouts, grief and fasting, maxed out journals, and scream sessions with Jesus as I resurfaced memories of loss, disappointments, trauma, brokenness, failures, regrets, deep wounds, heartbreaks, missed opportunities and over twenty-five years of emotional baggage. 

Decisions we make in difficult places today are significantly the product of decisions we made in the unseen places of our yesterdays. Our past—whether good, bad or otherwise, is powerful! Who we are today has been directly shaped by where we come from.

We’ve all inherited behaviors, relational patterns, generational sins, and ways of living from our culture, families, and childhood that are out of sync and misaligned with the way of Jesus. In order to “forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead” (Philippians 3:13), we must go back to go forward. 

Please note, this is the hardest practice I’ve ever done, but it’s also without a doubt the most powerful. You need to be kind to your fragile heart but if you’re up for it, dealing with your past could unleash your future in ways you never dreamed possible. Don’t skip out on your healing because it comes with pain. Binding a wound hurts but is a necessary part of the healing process and gives space for Jesus to enter in your heart in ways you never thought possible. 

“A sum can be put right: but only by going back till you find the error and working it afresh from that point, never by simply going on”  —C.S. Lewis

In John 4, Jesus tells the Samaritan woman at the well to go get her husband and come back. In essence, He wants her to deal with her scandalous past in order to see the never-ending satisfaction and fulfillment that comes from Christ. She had to go back to move forward. Oftentimes the Lord requires us to go back to drink the last drop of bitterness this world offers us so we no longer thirst for anything but the living water He graciously offers.

This was traumatic and terrifying and healing and freeing. 

We were created as emotional beings and as we press into things from our past we are bound to experience a range of emotions. With that, it’s important for us to remember that God has gone there before us and is able to meet us in those places. God met me even there. Together, we worked through years of memories. Years of lies I’ve believed. Years of messages I’ve passed on. Years of tuned-out pain, faded truths, and misplaced anger and bitterness. Years. God was there. He experienced it with me. Nothing is too big for the Lord. You can bring it all to Jesus. I had worked my entire life to not be identified by my past scars and yet Jesus said He can be identified by His (John 20:27).

Continuing with our story of the Samaritan woman held in bondage over her mistakes, she embraced her past with Jesus and as a result, “many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “he told me everything I ever did” (John 4:39).

For many of us, the thing that’s keeping us from living fearless and free is that we are in bondage. The enemy will attempt to use the chain of our past to keep us from fully stepping into the freedom that Jesus is offering; in fact, our past is much more of a weapon to be used to tell the story of who Jesus is, that it is something that we should never be ashamed to proclaim. 

Many of us don’t fully surrender to Christ because we believe if God really knew what we were like or what we did that He wouldn’t want anything to do with us. The enemy’s lies can be so paralyzing. Jesus knows your past. He was there. He knows what you did. And yet, He chooses to die for you, chooses to love you, and chooses to redeem you again and again.

He’s not looking for perfection. He’s not looking for the seemingly qualified. He’s not even looking for people we would deem clean. He wants those who are simply and honestly themselves before Him. He is perfect so we do not have to be. He is the one that qualifies us and it’s His blood that washes us clean. 

You cannot preach about healing until you are willing to talk about your sickness. Embracing my past gave me freedom because this painful experience showed me, more vividly than could ever be expressed in these words, the true overwhelming power of the cross. Jesus died for every single one of my sins. Years of sin. Jesus died for every sin that was done to me. And Jesus died for who I could have become had I not surrendered all to Him. 

What is it costing you right now to not have full freedom in Christ? What would it do for you if those walls and barriers that you’ve fortified over the years that have shut you down were removed? Staring right into my past showed me that with Christ, I am a new creation. Behold, the old is gone; the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:7).

He breaks the cycle. He specializes in redeeming broken people. He creates beauty from ashes. When you surrender your life to Jesus, He changes the trajectory of your life, changing your path, and reigniting passions and dreams you once thought could never be revived. He calls you to a future and a hope. All because of the cross. 

I pray that you know that God is not done with you. He is picking up all of the broken pieces of your life and making something beautiful and new. He is taking every bit of pain and turning it into purpose. He is fighting battles you didn’t even know you were in and has won the victory for you. He has removed all your shame and guilt and you can walk boldly before Him.

Lean into this truth. Lean into who God is, who God says you are in Him, believe what He says is true over your life. Back away from the voices of the world, the paralyzing lies of the enemy, and the chains of your past. Know and believe the full eternal power of the cross.  

Are you ready to come out of hiding and place your scars in the Lord’s hand? 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hannah is a twenty-something Tucson native saved by the overwhelming grace of Christ and a disciple of His Word. Hannah loves country music, camping and hiking, binge watching Gilmore Girls and traveling on spontaneous road trips. Her favorite days consist of a great cup of coffee, a good book, and enjoying monsoon thunderstorms. She longs to see young women thrive in their relationship with Jesus, knowing He always has immeasurably more in store for us.