This post got waylaid. I approached it in a light-hearted mood, ready to look at the silly fantasies advertisers tried to sell us in days past about homemaking.

I ended up appalled.

What I found disturbed me–women blamed for husbands leaving, not being attractive, needing to be “more”, needing to “do it all”. If you thought June Cleaver’s high heels and pearls were a lot…it’s nothing compared to the apparently imperative use of LYSOL for personal hygiene.

Seriously. If you didn’t use it, it was your fault he left.

Can I just say, ladies, we need to take a moment of silence for the women who came before us. 60 seconds. Right now.

What I discovered bolstered my original idea– that when it comes to being women and homemaking (which primarily seems the purview of women) we are still in a precarious situation. We have been TOLD what we should look like, be like, and how our homes should look. And none of it is for our good. Sure we may have gained helpful ideas from house-keeping gurus and Pinterest, but ultimately most of what we see is designed to tell us what we NEED by those who want us to BUY.

Wow. No pressure gals.

I thought corsets were out a century ago. Apparently they are in. We are constrained by the invisible stays and laces cinched around us by magazines, imagery, social media, and entertainment.

It’s even pervasive in evangelical culture. A while ago I googled “Christian blogs” and researched three of the top ones by women. They looked more like photo shoots. Women, sitting perfectly coiffed in beachy living rooms while sipping coffee. (Usually there is a drone shot from above and all you can see is her hands.) Then cue kids holding farm animals with the sun setting behind them….you get the picture. I don’t know who had the harder time of it. Past generations who faced ads or us, who face ads AND the filtered images of everyone else’s lives.

In fact, now there is an army of advertisers that inundate social media feeds. They go by another more accurate name…influencers. After all, if they can do it in living color, can’t you? And they’ll even tell you how, with links to buy necessary products to get the job done. We would be right to wonder if we are in danger of conforming “to the pattern of this world” (Rom. 12:2) instead of working “heartily for the Lord, and not for men. (Colossians 3:23)

Again, none of this is bad…until it is. At the moment you feel unlovely, or that your house looks hopeless, or your husband doesn’t bring in enough money, or your kids are a burden…it has becomes bad. This is a cue that we are no longer seeing things through God’s lens.

Here are some sweet photos, not unlike what we find in our Pinterest searches. Wake up to this every morning and you’re sure to feel better about yourself. Or not.

Don’t blame the ubiquitous pets. They are the innocents. By the way, have you noticed no one is over twenty in these photos? I had a duplex at that age and it didn’t overlook the mountains.

Oh dear. I forgot to feed my husband pizza last night. Is that almond milk in the light bulb glasses? I need those. And why haven’t I learned to play the guitar? I’m so lame.

I give this person credit for having a child (at least in the photo). Umm…how long did those plants last….. I had four babies so maybe that’s why I couldn’t drape a peachy cloth with tassels over my table.

But, I have to drag my somewhat-dazed self back to the the topic at hand.

My original concern still stands. If we are to have contentment in the work of serving others, we need to be free of the constraints, real or imagined, laid upon us. We have to throw off the corset of comparison and unreal expectations and accept ourselves and our lives for what they are–messy, wonderful, unpredictable, and manageable. Otherwise we will become ANGRY. Angry at ourselves for not achieving that perfect body, angry at our kids for messing up our Better Home and Gardens showroom, angry at our husbands when they need affection and we have no energy at the end of the day to unveil the body the world has taught us to hate.

We are in a fight for our minds and if we don’t come out on top, making a house a home is going to be frustrating drudgery. We won’t be able to accept the version of life to which God has called us. We won’t be willing to look different, spend less, give away more, accept age–all because we think we need life to look like or be like x, y, and z.

I thought corsets were out a century ago. Apparently they are in. We are constrained by the invisible stay and laces cinched around us by magazines, imagery, social media, and entertainment.

There is no point in going further in learning techniques to do this better unless we begin with the understanding that we are trying to be obedient–not to attain an image set by ourselves, society, or other Christians. We need to want only God’s vision. We can’t think, “Oh, if I learn how be more obedient in what God asks, I will have a pretty house with chickens and 2.5 children.”

Oh no. We need to think, “If I learn how to be more faithful in what God asks, I may live in the inner city, or be homeschooling my kids, or have a smaller bank account. But I will shelter people, feed people, bring them joy and rest, welcome the tired, and have the joy that comes with being on an adventure with God.”

We need to THROW AWAY any expectations for ourselves or our home that aren’t Biblical if we want to find joy in service at home.

One other point…perhaps you noticed this already. Why are all of these images about how things LOOK? Fake castles can look enchanting (think Disneyland) but they DO nothing. They are good for NOTHING.

We want homes that really SHELTER, WELCOME, PROVIDE, FEED. Beauty matters but to focus on achieving a LOOK rather than the purpose really crosses over into…shall I be so bold…vanity. This happens when how things look becomes more important than what God wants–when it becomes more about us and not about Him and serving others. HINT: You will know you are doing this if you are yelling at your family to “clean up” before company comes.

We would do well to heed Paul’s admonition to the Philippians:

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”  -Philippians 2:1-4

All in all, before we approach homemaking we need to free ourselves and check ourselves. Our homes will look different because we are all different. Our husbands are different, our children are unique. Our callings are different. Are we ok with that? 

I think it is fascinating and exciting. 

Do you want to know what turned the tide in corset wearing? World War I. The U.S. War Industries Board asked women to stop buying corsets to save metal for war production. Apparently, it freed up 28,000 tons of metal–enough to build two battleships. 

What would happen if we did the same? What if we freed up our minds, our time, and our money from trying to achieve a fantasy and instead mobilized those resources toward making a real home–a working home, a home that chugs through the breakers of life, sheltering, comforting, feeding, and welcoming?

We would become a million- woman fleet.

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” -1 Peter 2:9

What are you wearing today?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Elizabeth believes in embracing, relishing, and squeezing tight, the good gifts of God. The prince of this world is at war with everything good. Until Jesus Christ comes back and reigns, we have to deal with the fallout. But, there remain vestiges of His good creation...His world, His Word, and these marvelous beings called humans. Writing is her way of  holding tight to the goodness of God with both hands while waiting for the shelling to stop. For the ultimate ceasefire. For His Kingdom come. You can read more of her writing at: Elizabeth Hiett